Cow Urine Cola: In India It’s the weeal thing:

In India they’ve done what? They haven’t have they?
They surely have. In India you will soon be able to drink a refreshing cola beverage made from cow’s urine.

We know some parts of the world have serious shortages of fresh water but we never knew things were this bad.

The Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, India’s leading Hindu cultural group, claims it has developed Gau Jal or Cow Water, a cola flavoured drink, and hopes it will be marketed as a ‘healthy’ alternative to Coke and Pepsi.

Hindus worship cows as a symbol of the mother and thus milk and dairy products have almost sacred status. Many devout Hindus, apart from drinking milk and eating dairy foods also consume bovine urine drinks for their “health-giving” properties. As far as we know there are not the same Hindus who like to knock back a glass of their own wee first thing in the morning. If they are then it starts to seem a bit fetisistic.

In some parts of India, cow dung and urine are sold in regular dairy shops alongside milk and yogurt, and “ayurvedic” Indian health food companies make porridge, toothpaste and tonic drinks which claim to cure ailments ranging from liver complaints to diabetes and cancer. Krishna only know what kind of alments they my cause. Cow’s urine is also believed to have disinfectant properties.

Now the Cow Protection Department has invented a new urine-based soft drink it hopes the product will promote the health-giving properties of cow piss to a wider market. “We refer to gau ark (cow urine) as gau jal (cow water) as it has immense potential to cure various diseases. We have developed a soft drink formula with gau jal as the base and it has been sent to a laboratory at Lucknow for testing,” said director Om Prakash (sounds like a joke name to us but hey, we only report the news.).

The product support team are now working on packaging, marketing, and of course preservation to stop its curative drink from going whiffy in the summer heat.

“It will be a revolution of sorts. The acceptance of cow urine as a potent medicine is increasing day by day and once it comes as a cold drink, its demand will definitely increase. It will prove and justify the high stature accorded to a cow in Indian culture.” added the enthusiastic Om.

Now I remember where I have heard of Om before. He was the god who visited the discworld in the form of a tortoise and was almost eaten alive when someone mistook him for a pie in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novel Small Gods. Fact is indeed stranger than fiction.

Read the full story: India makes cola from cow’s urine at The Daily Telegraph.

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Interest Rate Cut Will Only Benefit Bankers

One morning over the weekend I expect Gordon Brown woke up to be hit in the face by a Tsunami of shock and horror that left him feeling nauseous and dizzy. The Prime Minister must have realised at some point that his interest rate cut, intended to boost the economy by encouraging banks to lend money they haven’t got to people who can’t repay their current debts, had no strings attached.

There is nothing to stop the bank borrowing money at 2% interest to repay the money they borrowed at 4% interest. Furthermore, the banks are not obliged to pass on the cut in rates, so while reducing their interest payments to 2% they can carry on charging between 11% and 150% or more to people who owe them money. The bankers simply trouser the inflated profits in the form of obscene bonuses.

The worry for Gordon is how can his spinners and slimers (Am I thinking of someone called Mandy? That’s for me to know) keep the punter from realising they have been stitched up. If they only had Cameron’s dimwits to worry about it would be a cinch, but there’s not much gets past Vince Cable.

While Gordon frets then it’s great news for the bankers who seldom look ahead beyond next month’s interim bonus. No Cava for them this week, the Dom Perignon will be flowing in the city again by the end of the week.

As far as you and me are concerned, if we don’t fancy washing down our Christmas dinner with Rola Cola, that famous supermarket drain cleaner Mum’s always claim is “the same stuff but half the price” we can always sip tap water, which in some areas had been recycled several times but at least has been passed by public health officers* before being piped to your home.

The other downside of the interest rate cut is that those of you who were thrifty and saved your spare pennies can no longer gloat that people who chose more speculative investments are cleaned out. With inflation past 4% and rising and interest likely to go below 1% the safest savings account holder is being cleaned out too, but more slowly and painfully.

The real winners are the silly buggers (I’m mentioning no names here) who enjoyed their money in the good times and now have lots of great memories help cope as they work out if it will break them to buy some own brand vodka and zap up the Rola Cola.

*Thanks to the Greenteeth Multi Media tired old jokes department for that one.

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