Your 1984 Telescreen is now available

OK, it’s a tad late, but as it is a Microsoft promotion who cares? Soon every home will have one of these sitting on top of the TV. And you will be happy to have microsoft spying on you and your family even when the kids are at a sleepover and you and the other half are getting a bit of rumpy – pumpy on the sofa.

Because having all those spotty little nerds watching your action as they chomp pizza with six extra toppings and swill it down with diet coke is all about keeping you and your safe, right? And Pigs will fly.

Zey haff vays of making you konform.

1984 telescreen

Here’s a snippet from “Government Slaves” website:

‘According to recent Nielsen statistics 56% of the households in the US own a video game console. Unbeknownst to many Americans this can be an open invitation to let big brother into your house.

Disguised as a video game add-on, Microsoft’s Kinect is the all seeing eye that sits on top of your TV watching your every move, listening to every conversation and even monitoring vital health information.

Now imagine if the Government went door to door and wanted to put a black box on top of your TV (and I’m not talking about your cable box) that did the same things, hopefully you would tell them hell no and immediately get out of your house.

But since the Kinect is disguised as entertainment most people will gladly accept it.’

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New Toilet Computer Game Will Really Piss People Off

Digital games colsole and game maker Sega is hoping to make a spash by nstalling video games in men’s toilets. It could only happen in Japan of course: the firm is planning to install game consoles called “Toylets” at urinals for men in bars around the country.

Each stall in the wired bog will be fitted fitted with a pressure sensor, a company spokesman said, and a screen is mounted on the wall above the unit.

Players can choose from five games, which are interspersed with advertisements for products and services.

Sega hopes that users of the lavatories will pay more attention to the adverts if they can also play games while using the facilities. We forsee a lot more people will be pissing on their shoe of getting punched for pissing down the leg of the guy at the next stall.

But isn’t it a sad comment on the world we live in when greedy corporate fascists are trying to make a cash cow of those innocent boyhood games like who could get it highest and who could write their name on the cement render, (being called Ian gave me a big advantage. Poor Arbruthnot didn’t have a chance.) Other games included trying to stand with our backs to the far wall and land our stream in the gutter, or not using any hands.

I can’t quite see how Sega’s zap the crittur type games will be compatible with having a wee but they’re a strange lot, the Japanese, I suppose the country will be gripped by a urolagnia craze. On an LCD screen where that little picture of a bee used to be placed, an image of a girl with unfeasibly large breasts will dodge around the labyrinthine vaults of a lost city as you try to blast her.


Video: Sega launches urinal video game

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