Ever dreamed of having a stretch limo with a jacuzzi on board?

A few years ago on American blog sites there was a thing going round with the label “You know you’re a redneck when …”

Things that came up were along the lines of “You know you’re a redneck when your lawn has more scrap cars than your wife has teeth”.

Or “You know you’re a redneck when your sister is your aunt.” (Could equally apply to people from Norfolk of course.)

One certain redneck identifier however is the ability to find really creative ways to use that old pick up truck that has been in the yard for years because you never got round to fixing it up (well brewing up crystal math just eats up so much time)

I think this one takes the prize …

redneck pool

And what a great way to utilize a spare tarp.

Never Be A Crystal Meth Drinker

Crystal Meth is fortunately not common in the UK but it is the drug that turned drug production into a cottage industry in the United States. You see anybody with a trailer home, a check shirt and a negative IQ can cook up meth in a derelict building, a garden shed or even in the kitchen of your home (but you need a three figure negative IQ to do that).

In fact while Meth will provide a stratospheric high when snorted or smoked it would be a deadly poison if drunk in any quantity as you will understand when you see the ingredients.

No wonder then that a man has died after drinking a massive overdose of liquid crystal meth, mistaking it for a health drink.

Romano Dias, 55, had been given a bottle of what appeared to be a fruit-based drink by his daughter Katee, who had found it in a package delivered to her home.

After downing about half a glass of the liquid he immediately began to feel ill and died shortly afterwards.

Mr Dias’s partner Debra Dulson said in a statement that he had opened the bottle and found a cork under the cap.

She said he took a mouthful of the drink and had said that it tasted ‘awful’ before complaining that his throat was burning.

You may think I’m cruel mocking the victim of accident but to me there is are several very big doesn’t add up about this story. Like what kind of person would on having a bottle of unidentified liquid delivered to their home whould hand it to a relative to drink. Someone who was already shit faced maybe?

Analysis of the bottle, which had been labelled as a health drink, showed it contained £34,000 of pure methamphetamine. That’s more expensive than an Investment bankers cocktail. Bankers £20,000 cocktails don’t usually do this to them however:

a meth users progress is written in the face
A meth users history is written in the face … and she’s still under 40.

But why do people go near meth if it is that toxic? It may be one of the most addictive drugs available but does make a strong case for legalising drugs because if it were legal the ingredients would have to be printed on the pack.

Sodium hydroxide (Lye), Anhydrous Ammonia, Iodine, Matches – Red Phosphorus, Ephedrine, Ether, , Draino (the clue is in the name), Brake Fluid, Butane Lighter Fluid, Hydrochloric acid. Check here for more info on the individual properties of this drug’s components. Even if you only have the most rudimentary knowledge of chemistry you will understand why meth brewers blow themselves higher than their concoctions would ever take them.

I used to think British teenagers drug of choice, Ketamine (horse dope) was pretty insane, but when we understand how popular meth is in the USA it makes us realise just how fucked American society is.

Drugs? Just say no? And check out any dodgy looking health drinks anyone offers you too.

Snail Scientists help in fight to understand Crystal Meth

A report published this week in The Journal Of Experimental Biology tells us scientists who have been using snails to study the effects of methamphetamine on human addicts have gained valuable insight into why Crystal Math is so addictive.

The snail scientists have discovered that the drug enhances the ability of gastropods to learn and remember how to perform a task.

The reports says this gives the snail science team insight into how some addictive drugs such as Crystal Meth produce memories that are very hard to forget. Think about that a moment, memories that are very hard to forget – like the stuff humans remember because it made an impression on them even though they are not meth addicts (or what non scientists like us would call memories).

Right so. And what kind of tasks would the aforementioned snails be learning? Let’s easvesdrop on a conversation between a couple of snail scientists to find out.

“Hey Einstein, I’m onto something really big here. Yesterdays I taught my snail, I call him Brian, to eat rotting vegetable matter.”

“Really, Wow! How long did it take him to learn a complext task like that?”

“Only a couple of hours. I guess he must be a natural or at least smarter than we ever thought snails could be.”

“Way cool Newton, there could be a Nobel prize for the guy who teaches snails to be almost as smart as us humans.”

“I haven’t told you the best part yet Einstein. Today the little feller remembered exactly how to eat rotting vegetable matter.”

“Fuck me Newton, developing memory in snails. You’ll be creating life in a petri dish next.”

“That’s where I’m aiming if the bastard Venter does not get there first.”

This is indeed miraculous stuff and we obviously need to know more about these scientists and their work in snail science. Like what were they on and can we have some please (so long as it’s not meth, that’s really nasty stuff and dosing snails with it is not big and its not clever).

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

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