A drunk’s wife for Deputy PM

Everyone online today it seems is raving about how brilliant Nicola Sturgeon was on the televised election debate last night. Well I watched some of it and it seems the Sturgeon mania is just a typical case of all the left wing sheeple bleating when they are told to.

In the debate itself Nigel Farage was his usual plain speaking self; lefties might feign horror when he asks why the BRITISH NHS should pay for foreign HIV patients to come to this country and get anti – retrovirals at a cost of £25,000 a year paid for by British taxpayers. Yes we all know HIV is a horrible virus, so if you can’t afford the drugs, don’t get it, simples. Condoms are free in most of the world. Farage’s comment on that could be the winning goal in the election campaign, it certainly got the Tories talking about a deal with UKIP.

Clegg was a nonentity, Cameron slippery and Miliband Geeky.

Leanne Wood hav a lush Welsh accent, isn’it, and Natalie Bennett is bonkers, probably politically closer to the Khmer Rouge than the Green Party of 1995.

And so to the Scottish elf Nicola Sturgeon. What we want to know is did the SNP, fearing their real leader would fuck up, hire Rab C. Nesbitt’s wife for this gig or are the SNP leader and the TV Buckie drinker’s Mrs. really the same person? Have you ever seen them together? Decide for yourselves below.

Banished To The Party Leaders’ Debate

Looking forward to tonights TV. I swear Myanna Buring (pictured right) in Banished is getting more gorgeous every week. Myanna Buring as convict Elizabeth As for the rest of the nights TV, it doen’t hold much promise. The two hour comedy special ITV has lined up could only appeal less if Lenny Henry, Marcus Brigstock and Dara O’Boring had got the gig insead of Cameron, Clegg and Miliband.

As the party leader’s pre – election debates are the main talking point of the day it would be remiss of the nations primary satirical news blog (that’s us) to let the event pass without some gesture.

With this in mind, Boggart Blog will offer a bottle of Bollinger to the first journalist with the chutzpah to ask Ed Miliband if he has the Balls to follow an economic policy that will not bankrupt the nation.

Other news; we hear Nigel Farage has embarked on a pub crawl round Manchester, in order to test the opinion of the city’s ordinary people.

The Reality Party are attempting to obtain a last minute High Court injunction preventing the broadcast going ahead without their leader, Bez (formerly of The Happy Mondays altered reality Britpop band) on the platform, and Nick Clegg has totally lost the plot.

Many people may be surprised to learn the Lib Dem leader is still alive, but according to rumour he is still the deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and has been out campaigning. In a press event yesterday Clueless Clegg declared it would be “hugely unjust” if people with depression were prevented from working as airline pilots.

I’m sure we all see his point: the risk that a pilot suffering from depression might deliberately crash his plane, killing 150 people on board is a trifle compared to the need of self righteous liberals and lefties to make a sanctimonious, ‘look at me’ statement that will earn a few facebook likes from mental health lobbyists for defending nutters’ rights.

Cameron in Babygate Puzzle
Cameron Seduces Clegg
Cameron Shoots Himself In The Face
Change: Politicians Don’t Get It
When Change Is Unfair To Everyone
Clegg Proves Life Is Unfair
If Only The World Were Fair

Oh Nigel, You Cad. Clegg Caught you Telling A Porkie

farage clegg europe debatePicture source: BBC News

The mainstream media commentariat (Ed Bollocks fans, and wannabe Euro Federalists all, even those who work for The Telegraph and The Daily Mail) are trying to spin the EU Election debate between Nick Clegg and Nigel Farage as a win for Clegg and a display of embarrassing ineptitude from Farage. Fortunately we the punters mistrust the media more than any other profession … except maybe politicians, lawyers, accountants, bankers, doctors, scientists, teachers and civil servants.

We would rather trust estate agents, used car salesmen and pensions brokers that journalists, but only just. And with good reason it seems because apart from those media shills, anyone who watched the debate (I didn’t myself) seems to score it a win on points for Farage. Clegg even had to resort to accusing his opponent of telling porkies:

“He accused Farage of not telling the truth in claiming the population of Romania and Bulgaria is 29 million. Who in the audience was to know that the real figure is 28.635 million? Clegg must have known but it didn’t stop him. “He also accused Farage of supporting a tyrant, Vladimir Putin to which Farage replied: ‘I don’t support Putin … but if you poke the Russian bear with a stick he will respond‘. A fair point, well made.

Not only a failure to score the point, but for its nitpicking irrelevancy an epic fail typical of an EU bureaucrat, which is perhaps a hint about where Clegg will be heading when he loses his Sheffield Hallam seat at the next election.

As for the debate itself, (‘scuse me while I light a Chuchillian cigar) Never … has so much of so little substance … been said to so many by so few.

Clegg dared to claim that EU membership is about “your job – or the job of someone you know” and “if we cut ourselves off from Europe, jobs will be lost”. Clegg’s image of a post-EU Britain as a kind of western North Korea, isolated, impoverished and living on porridge is risible.

No one is proposing to “pull up the drawbridge”, as he ridiculously put it – we would continue trade, just as well as Norway and Switzerland do now. We would not be “withdrawing from the world’s largest economy”. Pulling out of the EU (in time to avoid spawning that Federal European Superstate – well catholicism is the largest religion in Europe) would not stop us trading with EU nations, as Norway, Switzerland and other non EU European nations do now, in fact without the dead hand of EU bureaucracy stifling our advantages we would probably do better.

Only an agenda driven ideologue would suggest that leaving the EU would be as big a social disaster as was New Labour’s policy of exporting proper jobs to low labour cost nations and masking the mass unemployment by vastly expanding the public payroll. Only an idiot or an economists (which are the same thing) thinks that hiring a million tax eaters results in the economy growing.

Mr Farage has spent years on the town-hall circuit revving up the party faithful, so his rhetoric tends to be even more overblown. Does observing European law really represent “the destruction of all the great principles of British liberty”? The laws in most European nations are very similar to ours as a result of what is mistakenly called “The Judeo – Christian culture” (really it’s the Romano – Germanic culture)

What is really debilitating is EU bureaucracy and the way we are surrendering sovereignty to unelected officers of the European Commission.

Farage however has built his political career on exposing the flaws in EU membership. If polls are in any way indicative of reality (and Labour supporting science heads tell me statistics are always right, cuz its science, innit?) UKIP are on the verge of a potentially game changing victory in the Euro elections. This is largely because Nigel Faragem whatever his faults, has an ability all other politicians have lost; he speaks the language of the man in the pub.

The public are not stupid which is why Labour are tanking in the aforementioned polls. Punters recognise facts presented in ways that related to ordinary lives, not the lives of posh boy politicians, greedy bankers and reality challenged academics, clear, simple arguments resonate with the voters, and that, according to what I see and hear, Farage won.

Scaremongering about our reliance on membership of the EU, or fantasies about how the economy will benefit from mass immigration are seen for what they are, politically correct bullshit. The EU empire is crumbling before it even got off the ground, as those of us who understand economics (i.e. are NOT economists) always predicted it would. The Eurozone buys more from us than we buy from them, so they need us more than we need them. They also need our £40 million a day cash injection because like all bureaucracies, Brussels eats other peoples’ money.

Farage makes a good, clear case for a British exit and not only was it well argues, it was what the majority of people wanted to hear.

Who Will Get The Droid Vote

Catching up on the final party leaders’ election debate because we were overwhemed yesterday with the response to our free “How To Be A Bigot” DIY guide. (OK I was at the garden centre getting stuff to repair the disaster of our garden after that effing winter)

So what did we make of the wannabe Prime Ministers in the final of Britain’s Got Talent(less twats)

How many of you for example thought the Conservatives David Cameron looked like Data from Star Trek, The Next Generation. And the similarities did not stop at looks … if you know what I mean.

Meanwhile the usually humourless Gordon Brown cracked the best joke of the campaign so far when he said, totally deadpan, “I am the only one who can keep the economy on track. Labour governments just don’t understand economics do they?

Liberal Democrat contender Nick Clegg’s rather lacklustre performance caused some raised eyebrows. Had he been paid to take a dive or, like British tennis players at Wimbledon was he weighed down by the burden of expectation?

Or was it poerhaps that Vince Cable had finally explained to him how fucked the economy really is?

More humour every day from Boggart Blog

Little Nicky Machiavelli
Election 2010 round up

Clegg To Make Cancer A Crime?

Oo-er missis, we’re in Frankie Boyle territory

As we await with bated breath for the third and final party leaders’ debate which may well influence the outcome of the election and thus who will lead the nation for the next four years we picked up one news item from earlier in the week that suggests Liberal Democrat Nick Clegg might be planning to ambush his opponents Cameron and Brown with some surprise policy commitments.

Mr. Clegg gave a hint while down in Dorset visiting a children’s hospital cancer unit. We are not sure what terrible deeds the children had done to bring this upon themselves, you’d think having cancer was enough for anyone to endure. Still the only thing more certain to tug voters’ heartstrings than an underpaid nurse or an impoverished pensioner huddled over a single bar electric fire eating a bowl of thin gruel it is sick children especially if they have large limpid eyes like kids in late pre – Raphaelite paintings. Thus when any election campaign shows signs of flagging politicians cynically head for the nearest children’s hospital.

Clegg was not there just for the limpid-eyed-child related photo opportunity however, he had something important to tell us. In the absence of any convincing policies to deal with the collapse of the Eurozone, unemployment or climate chaos he wanted to unveil the Liberal Democrats policy on cancer.

“Under a Liberal Democrat government life will be fair,” he told reporters. This was a tad off colour as he was surrounded by children whose condition proves life will never be fair. Unless perchance Clegg’s cohort have a plan to criminalize cancer. Obviously this would not be crimilaization of possession. To possess a tumor could not be a crime in the way that possession of cannabis is a crime. No, cancer itself would have to be criminal in the same way as climate change denial and telling the truth in a political context have almost become criminal under Labour.

Where does this persecution of cancer fit into the Lib Dems promise that life will be fair. Does fairness not extend to tumours, they are after all life in a manner of speaking. It would be immoral to simply throw them in the hospital incinerator. They should be placed in secure refuges for the safety of themselves and others because there are lots of people on sink estates in places like Rochdale who believe tumours are irredeemably evil and would wish to harm them.

Needless to say the detention centres for tumours would place emphasis on rehabilitation rather than retribution.

Spare us the politically correct bullshit Nick it will only get you in trouble, just tell us how you are going to balance the budget and get people back in work.

Is The House For Or Against The Motion? There’s Only One Way To Find Out…

The election campaign is livening up at last and things have become quite surreal over the past few days. Unfortunately however once the election is over our Parliament is likely to slip back into the same dull old routine. There will be a lot of mind numbing speeches and then MPs will file into the lobby to vote, ayes to the right, noes to the left.

They have a much better system of enacting new laws in the Ukraine Parliament. The speaker asks “Is the House for or against the motion, there’s only one way to find out…Let’s Have A Fight(30 second Ad plays after starting the video – be patient, it’s worthwhile.)

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

The Big Issue

Apparently Little Nick Clegg is a bit of a toff, descended from the Russian aristocracy and educated at the Westminster School.

Which led me to wondering how on earth he managed to get sponsored by the Big Issue.
Well why else would he keep mentioning the homeless person’s mag?

Immigration, “Let’s not forget the Big Issue here…”
Pensions, “This is the Big Issue….”
Nuclear deterrent, “The Big Issue….”

He’ll have his dog with him next week, you mark my words.