Timelorded Out

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” – Marcus Aurelius. In other words you are free to disagree with this article but tell me I am wrong and I will tell you to fuck the fucking fuck off.

So, the great debate gripping internet forums as the Chistmas hangovers subside seems to be:

“Was the Doctor Who Chistmas Special a work of genius or a bag o’ shite.

I must admit I gave up watching Doctor Who Christmas Specials a few years ago while David Tennant was still at the helm of the TARDIS.

The 50th anniversary show wasn’t bad, being saved mainly by John Hurt’s playing his role with a mixture of Great Actor gravitas and “yes-I-know-it’s-a-ridiculous-bag-of-shite-darlings-but-they’re-paying-me-a-fortune” tongue in cheekness.

I suppose the problem was that I never got into Matt Smith, maybe expectations were too high after David Tennant but to me though Matt is an engaging enough fellow, as an actor he seems to possess the emotional range of a plank. He played every scene with the amused nonchalance of a minor character in a P. G. Wodehouse story.

As in so many other areas, the BBC’s children’s drama for gown ups output is suffering from the plague of political correctness. Apart from the Daleks who are way past their sell by date, the villains are not really evil anymore. They are misunderstood creatures who really only want to destroy us and take over our world because they know if we can’t welcome a few murderers, rapists and thieves from Romania we are never going to accept an invasion of Fouls Smelling Blobs From Uranus. We should consider the benefits immigrants bring to the British economy (one million extra dole bludgers) and welcome them.

And why do these interstellar migrants want to come here. Because their home planets have been destroyed by industrial pollution resulting from massive consumerism or political wars waged with weapons more terrible than anything we can imagine.

So perhaps the politicisation of Doctor Who along with having a plank as the main character and a succession of clunky scripts is more than simply having the (debatably) hottest companion ever* can compensate for.

Let’s get back to really scary baddies (raid Celtic folklore like ‘Merlin’ did for some good ideas) and dump the sentimentality. Otherwise the spin of Malcolm Tucker combined with the sex appeal of the lovely Clara will just not be enough to save the Timelord from timing out.

*Jenna Coleman is a contender but my vote is still with Billie Piper (just).

There Is Truly No Hope For Humanity

After being the toast of the town for the couple of weeks Ukip has slid from the moral high ground over its position on same sex marriage according to a blog I read today. The reason for this rather extreme view is the party’s treatment of Olly Neville, the former chair of the party’s Farage Youth Young Independence youth division who was sacked after saying David Cameron was right to support the cause of bearded queens who want to mince up the aisle in bridal gowns.

The first thing that struck me about this kerfufflette was the the though that young Olly is so slavishly devoted to the Guardian / BBC / Politically Correct dogma he never had any place in a party with the word Independence in it’s name.

The second, after I read a comment from someone who claims to “speak for young people” was that there is no hope for humanity. Here we go:

Nobody will remember that one day hears debate on gay marriage, as nobody remembers what you hear in 2005 … and if the EU back to the times of wealth, but many also will not want to leave her there and what UKIP will introduce us.?

The chances of UKIP achieve the same numbers of representatives in parlamente the Liberal Democratic Party in 2010, is virtually zero, the current electoral system.

If they want to be a big party, they should rather take into account the views of young people, because they are the ones who voted in the next election, gay marriage and leave the EU are subject that will have no relevance in the election of 2020, unless the EU never again be what it was before.

Erm … yes, well … right, OK, it’s an opinion. But I’m intrigued by these young people who voted in the next election. Are they friends of Doctor Who or something?

Doctor Qui

Doctor Who fans will be thrilled to hear their time travelling hero may soon be a world political leader. Masquerading as 50 year old Hervé Morin, leader of the very Blairite sounding Nouveau Centre party, the Time Lord says he has personally witnessed events that took place before he was born. In a campaign speech in Nice last weekend in Nice he made this audacious claim.

“You, some of you, with white hair, you saw nearby the landings in Provence … I, who also have white hair, I saw the Allied landings in Normandy, we have lived through things much more difficult that what we have to go through today.”

The Normandy landings took place in 1944. Faites le mathematique as the saying goes. On being challenged by a Boggart Blog special reporter after the speech, M. Morin said: “Of course I witnessed the allied ladings in 1944, we just have not filmed that episode yet. Does anyone doubt that I met Vincent Van Goch and Queen Victoria, fought the Daleks, stood at the edge of the universe and gazed into the abyss, helped people escape from the destruction of Pompeii and spent many nights with Billie Piper.

This episode is not expected to harm M. Morvin’s chances of being elected. They were zero anyway. Still, things could change if he starts offering voters rides in the TARDIS.

RELATED POSTS:
Doctor Who Crosses The Line
Doctor Who Saves The World Again
Blog All: Inspector Frost, Doctor Who and Friends Of Dorothy
Who Needs To Look For Aliens With A Universe Of Ideas To Explore
Shakespeare? We’re Mad For It
Dominique Strauss Kahn – Whitewash Being Liberally Applied
French Politician Promises Blow Jobs For Votes
Enfoncez votre fromage M. Chirac
Ode To Politicians

Filth! Doctor Who Crosses The Line.

We have heard that on tonight’s episode of Doctor Who the Doctor’s lovely assistant Amy is shown being given The Back Spot by the pirate Long John Silver.

Now we are not prudes here at Boggart Blog and we believe that what goes on between consenting adults in private is their own private business.

But to show such things, even if they are simulated, on a show loved by young viewers is going too far we think. Are there no standards at the BBC any more?

RELATED POSTS:
Doctor Qui? French Politician Claims He Is Time Lord

Blog All: Desultory blog about Jack Frost, Doctor Who and Friends Of Dorothy

On Easter holiday weekends bog all happens because everyone bogs off to ski resorts, sunshine resorts, local attractions, football, the pub, goes to see their Dear Old Mum or spends the entire weekend in a drunken stupor.

Boggart Blog is usually no exception to this general inertia but spurred on by unusually high page view scores we decided to make the effort today.

Trouble is there’s bog all to blog about. Only one thing for it then, fall back on that old standby, television. It was a busy weekend for television events actually. We finally bid farewell to Dear Old Jack Frost, the superannuated dwarf copper who has spent 17 years failing to convince us he is not Del Boy.

“I’m on my way,” was Frost’s catchphrase but I think many more people including myself would have watched regularly if he had said, “You’re nicked, you plonker,” or “This time next year I’ll have a million arrests.”

Next pre – billed big event was the return of Doctor Who, awaited with some misgiving by discerning fans because (a) David Tennant was going to prove impossible to follow and (b) Matt Smith gave the impression he was somebody having to try much too hard to be a cool dude. My impression; loved the girl, looks great, acts well. Didn’t rate the Alien lookalike aliens. As for the new Doctor, if we leave aside the silly haircut (like an OTT Hugh Grant circa 1998) and the disorienting impression created by his face being longer than his inside leg measurement and concentrate on his acting it has to be said his style resembles itching powder.

Oh dear, the Beeb went for the 16 – 25 demographic and shot themselves in the foot again.

A rare success for the BBC these days was The Dorothy’s talent show. You would be right to think I am not in any way a friend of Dorothy though I enjoyed The Wizard Of Oz as a child and again watching it with my children. Still, my wife is a sucker for these shows so there was no way we were not going to watch it.

Nothing caught my attention until I heard the announcement that one of the wannabe Dorothy’s was going to sing So What by Pink, my favourite song of the last couple of years. A wannabe Dorothy complete with red shoes and a gingham frock doing a Pink song. Something inside me screamed WRONG WRONG WRONG! Scenting blood I put aside “A Digital Kumquat” the parody of A Clockwork Orange I’m working on and looked up to see a pretty Scottish Pixie named Jenny about to launch into this rollicking chant by Rock’s Rockiest Rock Chick (nice arse too).

The girl done great, Jenny was as raunchy and feisty as Pink herself. This will become a highlight of the series I’m sure.

Will Jenny win?

I’d hate to think of anyone so rock and roll playing little Dorothy from Kansas but she could have a great chance simply because she is petite and young and in the story Dorothy is fourteen. Some of the wannabe Dorothy’s in the contest are old enough to be Dorothy’s mum, a tad on the heavy breasted side and far from being able to look fourteen actually look as if they have been round the block fourteen times.

RELATED POSTS:
Doctor Qui: French Politician Claims He Is Time Lord

Shakespeare, We’re Mad For It!

The Doctor Who episode on Easter Saturday featured the excellent Dean Lennox Kelly, best known for playing Kev the dodgy barman in Shameless, cast in the role of Shakespeare.
Kelly is one of the new breed of actors who have not tried to lose a regional accent and this lent an authenticity to his portrayal. OK, Shaky was not a Mank, but he was a Warwickshire man and would have had a Warwickshire accent.
Usually when the Bard pops up in a drama we are presented with somebody using that ludicrously affected mangling of English known as Received Pronunciation or R.P, the accent of 1950s BBC newsreaders and middle class Toryboys.

R.P. far from being the correct way to speak English is truly “The King’s English.” It developed as a result of sychophantic courtiers in the reign of King George II mimicking the inbred, half – brained German usurper’s tortured vowels because one could not be deemed to be suggesting The King was not speaking his own language proper (like wot we do now.)
So in tribute to Dean Lennox Kelly’s Mancunian Shakespeare I give you this line from the Mank version of King Henry V

Henry V: “Once more unto the breach dear friends or what?”
“Soldiers: Right mate, we’re mad for it, us.”

Who speakes proper, Southerners or Northerners?

RELATED POSTS:
BBC Uses Shakespeare Event To Push Politically Correct Agenda
Shakespeare’s Proud Loner And The Wisdom Of Crowds
Doctor Qui: French Politician Claims To Be Timelord

Horrorshow Who

A complaint received by the BBC following Saturday’s Doctor Who.

Sir,
I must express my outrage at last Saturday’s episode of Doctor Who. The return of those cute, cuddly and totally emotionless humandroids The Cybermen had been eagery anticipated in all homes where Traditional British Values still count for something.
In the story however, which goes out well before the 9 o’clock threshold, scenes of extreme violence occurred every few minutes and there was even a drug crazed orgy.
Driven to a frenzy of lust by the bee-stung lips, bambi eyes and tight jeans of Billie Piper the cybermen, having eviscerated hundreds of people who looked like perfectly respectable Daily Telegraph readers, were duped by the evil, Guardian reading Doctor. In the end they appeared to lose all self control while attending a party, clutching shiny silver heads in their robotic hands they gyrated stainless steel bodies in a lewd, licentious and very unbritish way.
Some bastard had obviously laced the Smash with ecstacy.
If the BBC are going to send out the message that emotionally sterile cyborgs can behave in this way is it any wonder the streets are being overrun by gangs of maurauding chavs.
Yours,
Angry of Pratt’s Bottom

And if you missed the show click here

This one if you are too young to remember the Smash adverts