Dog Wasn’t Pulling Owners Leg

November 11, 2013

Owning a dog, what with all the vets bills and such can cost an arm and a leg but 93 year old Bill Flowers was not so unfortunate, In fact Bill gained a leg thanks to his pooch Liberty.

Dogs like to bring things home to share with their owners and Liberty brought Bill a human leg. Bill was not too happy as he was afraid the gift might attract the long arm of the law.

Fearing that he might be prosecuted for legging it from a crime scene, or worse that the cops might not believe Liberty’s story (“Well I was just going about me business see, pissing on trees, chasing cats, sniffing things, and it just sort of fell into me pocket”) and accuse the dog’s owner of being a barking mad homicidal maniac, Flowers buried the leg. He told his daughter Cheryl about the dog’s strange find and after four days she managed to convince him he should tell the police because whoever had lost the leg might be hopping mad about the loss but might also be having difficulty getting out to look for their property.

Bill told police that his dog Liberty had brought home a grayish leg and stood over it wagging her tail. Flowers said the leg didn’t appear damaged, and it was severed inches from the buttocks (Liberty is a big dog – see below). Authorities located other body parts on Sunday.

Police placed a GPC device on Liberty in hopes that she would take them to the rest of the remains. Search dogs eventually located a pelvis and ribcage. Authorities have not yet identified the victim or disclosed a cause of death (although we will go out on a limb and say we suspect not many people would survive being chopped up in pieces so cause of death might be dismemberment related.)

Read more about this grisly find at the Komo News website.

leg hound

Caught Dogging She Looked Up And Said ‘Hi’

Another one from the ‘You Couldn’t Make It Up’ Dept.

Las Vegas Neighbours of 23 year old Kara Vandereyk called the police earlier this week to complain about her abusing a dog, a pit bull in fact. When police arrived at the “scene”, they were able to find a naked Kara Vandereyk in her backyard, happily engaging what might be called dogging but in legal terms is engaging in an unnatural act with an animal (bestiality).

According to the incident report, Kara was stark naked on the ground in her garden and seemed to be enjoying the act while appearing to be high on drugs. The dog was not complaining either. It is alleged that Kara casually said Hi to the police as she continued to “interact” with the pit bull in a sexual way.

What a sad way for a young woman to destroy her future. She may have though, while under the influence of psychoactive substances, that she was exercising her constitutional right to pursue happiness but we fear that she will be dogged by this incident for the rest of her life.

Dog Faces Death Sentence For Being Gay

One from the Only In America Desk to kick us off today.

A dog is set to be put to death in Tennessee today after his owner abandoned him, thinking the dog was gay.

The pitbull-type mongrel is currently being kept in an overcrowded animal shelter in Jackson, 10AC, but is due to be put this afternoon down unless a new owner can be found at the last minute.

According to the owner of the shelter, the dog’s master noticed him ‘hunched over’ another male dog, which led him to assume he was gay.

Boggart blog is with the dog here (though not so much we’d give him a home even if we were based in Tennessee.

While same sex marriage campaigners claim male dogs humping each other is proof that homosexuality is as natural as a runny nose, animal experts say a male dog mounting another male dog is not a sign of sexual orientation but rather a sign of dominance.

If the criteria for legalizing same sex marriage is to include the evidence that little boy dogs hump each other we await with bated breath the first news of a campaign to legalise marriage between humans and cushions, humans and shoes, little kids, their owner’s leg or … videos of dogs humping things

And for those who insist on interpreting bizarre animal behaviour by superimposing human motivations, ………… EXPLAIN THIS CLIP from the Graham Norton show.

Full story

Boggart Blog Bogcast 002 Gay Do and Shoe Humping Tortoise

Dogging site goes to the dogs.

A Surrey beauty spot popular with dog walkers and notorious as a location for adults to gather and have sex in public with total strangers is to be the subject of a new project aimed at transforming it.
Surrey County Council (SCC) is to provide funds for a safe community “get a room” facility where people who don’t know each other and don’t have dogs with them can use a cubicle with a double bed, a shower and free disinfectant.

The area, long known as a haunt of traditional doggers and dog walkers is situated on the the Hogs Back (also known as the beast with two backs)a hill between Aldershot and Guildford.

Residents campaigned for years to have the site turned into a legal knocking shop but SCC refused, insisting it should only be used for public recreational purposes or as a wildlife reserve. The issue was finally settled when local widlife expert and dogging enthusiast Mr. Colly Stanmore showed a meeting of the recreation facility a video he had made of two cocks engaged in a ritual mating display as they tried to attract the attention of a Quail.

County Councillor Richard Nookie said he hoped the project would solve the problem.
“This is a practical and environmentally friendly way of putting sex back where it belongs, in the closet. Sex in public has become a major concern for people, especioally those who aren’t getting any,” he said.

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‘Ello ‘ello ‘ello; looking for business are we
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Man’s best friend

Transvestite and dog sex story: An apology.

Last week we brought you a story of a transvestite and a dog having sex at Pendennis Castle in Cornwall.

Even an organisation as committed to fact checking and honest reporting as Boggart Blog has always been can get things wrong from time to time. We therefore acknowledge that in suggesting the transvestite had forced himself on the dog we were completely wrong. For this we apologise unreservedly.

What we reported as the outrageous exploitation of an animal was in fact a consensual act between two. Cage fighting drag queen Alex Reid said he and his wife Katie Price enjoy outdoor frolics and the chance of getting caught adds to the excitement.

Boggaret Blog Award For Stating The Effing Obvious

A transvestite had sex with a dog in the moat of an English Heritage castle.

The cross-dressing man was caught with the animal in the dry moat of King Henry VIII’s Pendennis Castle overlooking Falmouth Bay in Cornwall.

The 33-year-old mounted the pet after it chased him out of sight of its woman owner.

A spokesman for English Heritage said, “This is a very rare incident.”

Hat tip to Dick Puddlecoat for that one

Blind Dog Gets A Guide Dog

Border Collie Clyde is totally blind. The chances of living a full and satisfying life can be quite restricted for a blind dog. Finding trees, gatesposts or car wheels to pee on is fraught with dangers. A blind dog could easily mistake a bit of cheese in a mousetrap for a proffered snack and get its tongue impaled. They might even mistake a beef BBQ crisp for something edible. There are all sorts of hazards awaiting a blind dog so how can they risk doing the doggy things all dogs love to do?

Well Clyde got a guide dog. Now he is accompanied on all his little canine capers by Bonnie, a 2 year old bitch from a rescue centre. So pert and pretty is Bonnie with her intelligent face, silky ears and black and white colouring you have to feel extra sorry for Clyde as he can’t see his companion. Still at least he is getting out more.

Readers may remember though when Cleo Hart first joined us as a blogger her article concerned those blind runners in the “special olympics” who need a guide runner to keep them on track. Cleo was concerned that while the visually impaired runner gets a medal for winning the impaired by the blind bugger runner like the weakest link leves with nothing.

All our readers agreed there is no justice in that. While we rejoice then at Clydes good luck in finding Bonnie we must hope there is no nonsense about him entering Sheepdog Trials.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

Which should women love more, dogs or shoes? (Recession, animals, vets )

On Monday night (OK, I’m a bit behind the pace) between episodes of Coronation Street, worth watching at the moment for Katherine Kelly’s wonderful comic portrayal of barm pot Becky, a serious documentary about the expense of keeping pets and how our furry friends will be affected by the recession was shown. If we follow the recommended care regime for our pets they cots a fortune it seems. Pets, like everything else are an industry in our self indulgent times.

The programme exposed all those twee, worthy programmes that ran throughout the 1990s as part of the great pet scam, a conspiracy between the Veterinary Society and pet food manufacturers in which the BBC were complicit. You remember the shows, aimed at kids they had titles like “everybody loves pets”…”pets are wonderful” … “if you haven’t got loads of pets you’re a loser” and “pets are better than people so kill your parents and get a puppy.” There was even one terrible show in which Rolf Harris played his digeridoo at sick animals to make them whine pitifully.

It was all aimed at parting you from your hard – earned. The shows went out at times when the kinds were home from school, mum was home from her part time job and Dad, who is much more likely to be totally unsentimental about animals, was still at work. The BBC would show footage of cuddly puppies, cutesy-pie kitten and wuvwy ikkle bunny wunnies thus triggering the kids pester power. Mum, soft hearted and sentimental would respond to the kids calls to come and see this and her heart would melt as the voiceover said “and if you don’t run out and get your kids lots of pets tomorrow this lovely little creature is going to be dismembered with a chain saw. Were Dad present he would simply grunt that no matter how loveable the little furry faces on the television were, all animals have an unlovable end and guess who would be left to clean up the mess. We men are often accused of being uncaring towards our wives but we’re not. Also puppies and kittens have an innate desire to shit in shoes and men’s shoes, more odorous by far are a crap magnet.

Times were good, people were prosperous and the price of a few cans of pet food each week seemed trivial against the life of a cuddly creature.

BANG! Two puppies, three kittens and five wuvwy ikkle bunnies sold for an exorbitant price to the lady with the soft hear and the whining children.

Pet food was just the start of course. And gone are the days when the dog got leftovers, the cat got booted out to catch a mouse and the wuvwy ikkle bunny wabbit got a puff pastry crust and thirty minutes in a medium oven. Now there are special diets, supplements and treats that your pet musty have if you are not to be branded a bad pet owner which is worse than being known as a bad mother. ??Beyond feeding there are injections, worm treatments and constant visits to the vets because although animals are seldom ill they always have very expensive symptoms which were all regularly pointed out by the television branch of the pet industry. And there is dental treatment thanks to all those treats the good pet owner must give their pets. You have to wonder how animals survived and evolved in the wild without humans to pamper them.

Yes keeping pets these days can be an expensive business. And thanks to the ability of pathetic little furry faces to guilt trip us people (well women) who are normally prudent and thrifty are bankrupting themselves to provide care for the crippled, dysfunctional animals they have been sold by unscrupulous dealers.

One woman had spent £8000 on trying to have her dog’s dodgy legs cured. She had been told by the dealer “it’s nothing, he’ll grow out of it.” In another case a whistleblowing vet told how he had been sacked from a practice for not referring a pet to the animal dentist for “a scrape and polish” (£300 – you can get a human descale and polish for less) even though the animal’s teeth were perfectly sound.

It is all a con of course, we lavish love, care and money on our pets and they just die on us. If they avoid getting run over, eaten by bigger animals, killed by incompetent, greedy vets, or put in the tumble dryer they die on us anyway. Pets have suicidal tendencies. We had a long haired Tabby cat once that climbed in the tumble dryer for a kip, snuggled down in the laundry and was snoozing away when Mrs. T switched the dryer on. The cat survived but spent the next three weeks walking round looking like a tumbleweed on legs.

Yes animals are costly and often their own and by extension their owner’s worst enemy. Why do we get conned into spending so much on them. I asked my wife this as she is the pet lover in the house. She thought carefully and answered: Kids love animals and I like to have them around because they’re amusing. But now our income is a lot lower than when you were working it comes down to a choice between a pet and expensive shoes and that’s always going to be a no brainer.

A poem on the perils of owning pets, Man’s Best Friend (and particularly puppies.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

Greenteth Multi Media
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A Tale Told By An Idiot

Animal loving Palestinian haters.

Listening to a radio phone in this morning I was as gobsmacked as the presenter at the enraged tone of callers wanting to rant about how Prince Edward should be ostracized / horsewhipped / hung drawn and quartered because he used a stick while trying to separate two dogs fighting over a pheasant. Nobody can confirm whether or not Prince Poncey actually hit the dogs but whatever happened it has The Great British Public up in arms.

Strangely, as it kicks off in Israel and Palestine again nobody seems to be in the least concerned about two tribes of religious fanatics each trying to exterminate the other in a 5000 year old squabble over a scrap of semi desert at the eastern end of the Mediterranean.

But then we are a nation of animal lovers.

Another incident over the holiday concerned a man who carelessly but accidentally killed his hamster. This again excited the kind of sad acts who call radio phone – ins. The consensus was the man should be banged up for such a heinous crime. One caller even promised to contact the RSPCA and demand they initiated a prosecution.

Nobody however demanded the imprisonment of a man who accidentally caused the death of his young daughter when a television he was carrying dropped on her. Evereybody seemed to accept the death was a freak accident that will haunt the parents for the rest of their lives.

So for many people the death of a child can be a tragic accident but the death of a hamster, no matter what the circumstances, must be cold blooded murder and the perpetrator deserves to be punished.

Yeah right. What a strange nation we are.

Examples of the very darkest irony there: be back later with something more lightweight.

News on the Israeli attack on Gaza