Stupid Criminal Of The Week: Cop was DUI while on duty

When it comes to stupid crime, the idea of an on duty police officer being pulled over for drunk driving definitely qualifies foe a Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award.
After driving on the wrong side of the road and recklessly weaving from lane to lane, South African cop Nkuleleko Mbanjwa stopped for no apparent reason and was pulled out of his vehicle by Russell George who alleged the man was drunk. The police officer had alcohol on his breath and witnesses suggested he had been drinking heavily.

While the South African incident has people shocked, it was the decision of civilian Russell George that makes everyone realize how lucky it was nobody was injured. The armed police officer was held by George with a citizen arrest and put into the back of the police vehicle while more police came. While Russell first called the police to assist, no officers came to the scene immediately and the citizen was concerned the alleged tipsy cop would have driven off and caused a serous accident.

Nkuleleko Mbanjwa apparently was celebrating his birthday and claimed he had only had one drink. This turned out to be true but the one drink was a litre bottle of spirits.

Not only is it alleged that he was driving recklessly there was another traffic incident reported too. He allegedly hit another vehicle prior to his arrest but fled the scene.

Fact check it isn’t this story I used several sources.

Moderate Drinker? You’re Probably An Alcoholic

Bad news for people who enjoy a glass or two of wine or beer. The estimable Dick Puddlecote reports that those crazy scientists who work for the Politically Correct Thought Police have been making up new “safe limits”

If you want to truly imagine the paltry level of alcohol that prohibitionists consider acceptable, here it is from one of public health Australia’s favourite blogs.

Of people aged 18 years and over, 19.5% of drinkers consumed more than two drinks per day and 44.7% consumed more than four standard drinks at least once in the past year. These behaviours exceed the National Health and Medical Research Council’s lifetime risk guidelines and single occasion risk guidelines respectively.

The only surprising thing about those figures is how incredibly low they are.

Find out how low: So You Thought You Were A Moderate Drinker

Ah but we’re safe, you might well say, this report is about Australia. yes, boozy, anarchic Australia. And if Australia is doing it you can bet our control freaks will not be far behind. There is a global campaign to abolish everything we enjoy, we must resist in every way we can.

Who would drink liquid nitrogen

A teenager nearly died last weekend from drinking a liquid nitrogen cocktail.

Drinks containing liquid nitrogen? It sounds like something Brian Cox would jabber on about during one of his crusades to persuade kids science is really cool.

Nitrogen gas does not become liquid until the temperature drops to about one million degrees below zero (-200 actually). Stick you fingers in liquid nitrogen and they will turn into icicles, stick your tongue into liquid nitrogen and it will turn into a raspberry lolly. Fart into liquid nitrogen and you will get little brown ice cubes.

What kind of eejit would drink liquid nitrogen. People who are desperate to be cool that’s who

Young people who want to be cool, do not drink liquid nitrogen, it is not cool it is fucking freezing and very bad for you. Worse than smoking and fizzy drinks and deep fried Mars Bars combined. You might die and there is nothing cool about being dead except the clay surrounding your body. Don’t say we haven’t warned you.

Full story on the teenager who drank liquid nitrogen

Skip To The Loo

Off to Penistone Paramount last night, the local cinema cme theatre, for the Comedy Club. It’s very civilised at the Paramount, the seats are comfortable and well spaced, plenty of leg room, good clear view of the screen/stage from wherever you sit. And they’ve got a bar. When they are in cinema mode they still have an intermission so that you can get a half-time pint.

So out show was due to start at 8pm, the doors opened at 7pm and the bar was soon doing a roaring trade, pre-show drinks, orders for interval drinks.

At 8.15 the lights went down and the compere, Toby Foster, local radio DJ, arrived on stage, getting the audience in the mood for the first turn, a young man by the name of Christian Reilly, and his guitar. Christians act centres around his music and we found it tear inducingly funny.

However something was up with the locals. There was fidgeting down our row and then a man made his way past and dashed into the toilets. He was quickly followed by two others.

“The Penistone Cottagers?” I mused to hubby, but no, very soon, while Chris was stil up there on stage singing a song about fellatio, there were streams of men going to the loo.

“How rude,” (as in bad mannered) I thought. But then I reasoned there must be a cause.

Undiagnosed diabetes? Most of the chaps were in their forties and some of them quite stocky.

Prostate problems? That makes you chaps pee a lot doesn’t it?

I resolved to mention it to my doctor friend when next we meet.

By now nearly every male in the place was going to the toilet, Chris had taken to playing a little ditty,
Skip to the loo,
skip to the loo,
will it be a pee or
will it be a poo?
but these guys were unabashed, as they queued, shuffling at the toilet doors – and ladies I can’t tell you what a gratifying sight that was.

Then Chris called it a day and we went to the interval.

It was then that the mystery was solved. The Paramount has gone metric, it now sells its ale in 1/4 litre glasses, for the girlies, 1/2 litre glasses for the lasses and puffs, and in 1 litre glasses for the real men.

Yep all the blokes were drinking litres as opposed to pints and consequently having to go for a pee twice as often.

Inventor of Lambrini dies of alcohol poisoning

Multi millionaire John Halewood, 64, nicknamed “Mr Lambrini” after the sparkling wine girlie drink he launched, who was found dead in the swimming pool area of his Cheshire mansion last October, died from the effects of excessive drinking.

Cheshire coroner’s court was told that the entrepreneur – who left a vast £175m fortune accumulated from his self-named global drinks empire had heart problems that were made worse by his drinking habits. Witness statements said he drank a bottle of wine a day.

Almost a non drinker by European standards then.

Mr. Halewood had been warned by his doctor a year before his death that his alcohol intake was “damaging his health”.

Alcohol intake? Obviously it wasn’t his own stuff he was drinking.

At Last! Another Scary Willy Story!

I should really have done this one last week, but what with problems with the internet connection and me being short a few braincells it passed me by.
However, aside from the names being changed because I forgot them, er no, that should be ‘to protect the innocent’ shouldn’t it, here’s my latest entry in the Scary Willy series, designed to make all men clasp there meat and two veg to their groins and give thanks that they are still there.

Anyway, Bob Smith had happily been dressing up in women’s clothing, with the perhaps not quite approval but at least the tolerence, of his wife, for many long years.

But then he went out and got a teensy bit squiffy, which led him to thinking how much he liked dressing up in women’s clothes and how nice it would be if he could do it all the time.
In fact, he came to the conclusion that he would much rather be a woman than a man.
His thoughts continued to dwell on this newly revealed almost biblical, for him, revelation and when he got home he decided there was only one thing to do and it wasn’t contact his GP to be referred to a gender reassignment clinic.

Oh no, Bob the DIY man went to his toolbox (ooh er missus), extracted his Stanley knife, dropped his trousers and proceeded to undertake the first stage of his transition to womanhood by hacking away at his manhood.

Obviously the pain and loss of blood became too much and Bob ended up in hospital.

He is now out and about, happily living as a woman, surgery completed and no doubt taking the hormone tablets with glee.

His wife on the other hand, decided enough was enough and has left him.

More sarcasm, satire and silliness

Shock, horror, price of a pint causes mass suicides.

The biggest story of the day is the one that will have the health Nazis and Politically Correct Though Police clapping their hands with glee while all good men and true cry into their beer.

The average priice of a pint across Britain has hit £3. Yes, three quid an effing pint.

When I was a lad you could go out, have a bellyful of Boddies bitter, a quick upright with a prosser in Manchester’s Bloom Street, eat a chicken madras at the Taj near Salford docks, develop botulism, die, be buried with a full Co-op funeral and still have change out of three pounds.

The Islamic Republic Of East London

There’s troble brewing in Sharia Hamets where Lufther Rahman, leader of the Islamic Republic of East London is encouraging his supporters to get a bit above themselves.

The excellent Dick Puddlecote posted this yesterday:

It is understood posters (like the one below) were found last Thursday morning at council-managed housing blocks in Shadwell, next to the DLR and Overground station.


They state: “You are entering a Shariah controlled zone. Islamic rules enforced.”

Underneath, images declare that smoking, alcohol, music, drugs, prostitution and porn are forbidden.

[Islamic preacher Anjem Choudary] said: “This will mean this is an area where the Muslim community will not tolerate drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, usury, free mixing between the sexes – the fruits if you like of Western civilisation.

“This will be a very heavy leafleting campaign aimed at both the Muslim and non-Muslim community in terms of what the Sharia means economically, socially and politically.”

Earlier this year, he claimed he had “thousands” of people willing to patrol streets up and down the UK to dissuade people from anti-Islamic behaviour.Porn?!? From my cold, dead hands, sunshine!

A police spokeswoman said: “We are aware of a limit [sic] number of posters appearing in Waltham Forest, Tower Hamlets and Newham.

“Officers are working closely with the local authority to have the posters removed as soon as possible.”Why bother? Street prostitution is already illegal, as is drug use in public; alcohol-free zones are in abundance around the country; ASH have openly advocated outdoor smoking bans; noise nuisance bylaws are commonplace to prohibit music; and they’ll be getting round to porn and gambling soon enough, if not already.

Though I usually broadly agree with Dick on most things my comment was:

On this occasion Dick I have to disagree with you. If this Sharia business means Hattie Harperson, Jaqui Smith, Hazel Blears, ‘Baroness Ashton and all those other sour faced champions of political correctness in the Labour Party have to go around with bags over their heads it could turn out to be a good thing.

If however anyone should slap a “No sarcasm” notice on they can expect trouble from Boggart Blog.

“>World Bank Chief Warns Golbal Economy Is Entering A New Danger Zone

We’re Programmed To Eat Crap And Drink Booze Say Scientists.

Yes, we can’t help our unhealthy diets and drinking habit, they are part of our genetic programming a new scientific study reveals.

You read it here …… well, um; second actually. If you want the full story take a look at this post: Westerners are programmed to drink alcohol and eat unhealthy foods

Boggart Blog stands vindicated. What have we been telling you about science for the past five years. Scientits are always willing to waste years of effort and spend shitloads of taxpayers money to learn what the rest of us have always known.

To celebrate the Boggart Blogs singers will now perform the anthem “Who ate all the pies,” followed by a classic aria from The Macc Lads, “Beer Beer, We Want More Beer.”

Bansturbators Hidden Agenda – Abolish Meat To Make Way For Grey Goo
Pasty Tax: Osbornes War On Pies
Everything they told you is bad for you is good for you
Five a day

Pissed Pensioners Courting Health Problems Says Report

A new report out today recommends pensioners should have a lower limit for alcohol consumption than younger people.

People over 65 should drink less – BBC News

Now this does not really affect me, I’m not sixty five for hundreds of years yet, well two years and eight weeks to be exact, but what really pisses me off is that these aresholes think I have reached this stage in my life without being able to make my own mind up when I’ve had enough.

When I’m lying in the gutter choking on my own vomit I am well aware that I should not have any more to drink, well only a couple of halves maybe or perhaps a whisky to help me sleep.

Old people are individuals and have their own individual lifestyle. And some are able to put away industrial quantities of booze as our tribute to the late Queen Mother, an inspirational Old Queen demonstrated.

One of my favourite bloggers, Dick Puddlecote, has in the past had much to say on this campaign to demonise drink. He will have much more to say in future no doubt (scroll way down the left column to Dick’s tags and find ‘drinking’.

The Pissed Pensioners of Harrogate
Pissed Pensioners are a social blight say Thought Police