NOTE: Thanks to Googles apparent obliteration of the UK (how long is it since our new stuff was indexed?) at the moment more than half our readers are from the United States and Canada. Therefore we have to point out that pissed is used in the British sense indicating an inebriated state and not the transatlantic meaning of irritated or bad tempered. It is not for the sake of American readers that our satirical posts are written not with scalpel sharp wit as satire should be but with sledgehammer slapstick, satire is alive and well across the pond, safe in the hands of Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert.
As Gordon Brown and his government grow more desperate in their attempts to divest themselves of any responsibility for the state of the nation and divert attention from their manifold cocking-up of the economy, education, employment, law and order, immigration and national security the dark forces of Politically Correct Thinking have turned the Thought Police stormtroopers on pissed pensioners. Silly buggers like us may be obsessing over Browns nauseatingly sycophantic gay love affair with Barack Obama The Thought Police have revealed that while The Daily Mail and Daily Telegraph grizzle over Obamas dissing of Churchills head (it is not true BTW that the grasping Michelle Obama weighed in a valuable bust of Winston Churchill for scrap, the fact is Barry dumped it in a skip at the homeless refuge behind The Black House,) the real menace to civilisation as we know it is coming from Pissed Pensioners.
Naturally, in response to reports from their tame health scientists regarding an alleged surge in drink related fun being had by pensioners Browns government has declared a crackdown on Pissed Pensioners. The governments leading health advisor told our reporter, superannuated binge drinking is costing the economy dearly and many people aged between 90 and 120 are drastically shortening their lives because of their irresponsible drinking habits. Getting absolutely rat-arsed on sweet sherry and tonic wine might seem like the way to have a good time but the consequences can be tragic.
The problem of pissed pensioners first came to Boggart Blogs attention a few years ago when reports of pensioners in the genteel and affluent retirement town of Harrogate, Yorkshire, enjoying a glass or two of fine wine with dinner or a malt whisky, gin and tonic or a brandy as a night-cap. People are enjoying their twilight years and it must be stamped out stormed the leader of The Politically Correct Thought Police.
Now, thanks to the new data, they are on the pensioners case again. with a warning that drink related accidents to pensioners are putting hospital A & E departments under severe strain. A spokesman for the public health division of the Politically Correct Thought Police Excess alcohol consumption makes old people fall over and then they arrive at A & E departments demanding treatment and requiring hospital trusts to waste money on care when it would be better spent on jollies for hospital administrators.
So they manage to blame pissed pensioners for chaos in hospital A & E facilities.
We love it, the dishonesty, the duplicity, the sheer mendacity, it is a joy to behold.
O tempora, O mores as the elderly Cicero might have said had he not been blathered.
In our area the A & E department of the main hospital at Blackburn is failing not because of the crowds of pissed pensioners who have tripped over their cat and suffered broken limbs. It is close to collapse because the closure on economic grounds of the areas other A ~& E at Burnley has doubled the workload without any increase in staff or facilities.
Put that to the politicians and they say Youre wrong, there is no evidence the closure of Burnley A & E has increased the workload at Blackburn. Well of course there is no evidence other than the blindingly obvious fact that people do not stop having heart attacks, catching dangerous infections, falling downstairs, getting run over, having a glass smashed in their face because they looked at someone the wrong way in a pub or even being the victims of bizarre gardening accidents just because the local A & E has been closed to save money. The powers that be are not going to release data or allow anyone to collect it because they know what conclusions it will point to.
So in the absence of any evidence to the contrary must we accept the word of The Politically Correct Thought Police that A & E services are failing because and solely because of pissed pensioners who are determined to injure themselves and become burdens on the state?
Fortunately we found a lovely little comment on a blog concerning the scandal of the pissed pensioners. The writer queries the NHS statistics that were used to back up claims of a surge in injuries to drink related pensioners. As safety officer for a group that runs fifty care homes for the elderly this person has access to accident report data. And what does that data reveal?
Yes, pensioners in care homes do get pissed. And very often they fall over (we should point out here that there are pensioners like the Boggart Bloggers Dear Old mum who dont need to get pissed to fall over) but few of these drink related mishaps result in hospital visits.
Party on pensioners. Boggart Blog will defend your right to get rat arsed.
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