Is ‘Sheep s******s’ a racially abusive phrase (I presume they mean shaggers)

Anthony Taaffe, 47, from Bolton, came up before Llandudno Magistrates Court, which heard that he had started shouting and swearing in an apparently drunken state in front of children at the holiday park in Gronant, near Prestatyn, reports The Sun.

The Currant Bun’s story went on to say, “Prosecutor Gareth Parry said security staff and an off-duty policeman tried to calm him down, and he called them a “bunch of sheep s******s”.

According to Wales Online, Taffe tried to justify his actions by saying: “Calling someone a sheep s*****r is a term for people living in the countryside.”

The Daily Telegraph reports that he also admitted a second similar offence after he called a police officer at the custody unit he was taken to a “Welsh sheep s*****r.”

Phillip Lloyd Jones, defending, said Taaffe has been restrained on the ground and sat upon by the security staff and the off-duty police officer.

You might think this story is not very funny and I would agree had I not seen the url printed as the source for the story: http://travel.aol.co.uk/2013/04/29/english-holidaymaker-fined-sheep-shagger-comment-welsh-holiday-park/

And now as an extra treat,
The Sheep Shagger Song or I’ll Never Find Another Ewe by The Seekers

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Police Arrest Ohio Man For Killing Police Robot

According to the Chillicothe Gazette, a Ohio newspapenr, a 62-year-old man, Michael Blevins, was arrested recently for shooting (but not killing) a police robot following a six-hour stand-off.

The report said that officers in the town of Waverly initially responded to a complaint that shots had been fired inside a bedroom at a home, and that the homeowner had a number of guns and was threatening neighbors.

Police knocked on the front door of the home, called on the telephone and even brought in a trained negotiator in an effort to make contact with Blevins, who was heavily inebriated at the time. He refused (or was unable) to speak to anyone for hours. Faced with a stand off and not knowing whether Blevins was standing or had passed out, officers decided to contact the Pike County Sheriff’s Department as well as the state Highway Patrol’s Fast Action Response Team for help. They got a pair of search robots instead.

The first robot to enter the Blevins’ home was camera-equipped. Its mission was to locate the man and his guns. A second, larger robot was then sent inside to ‘have a word.’ When Blevins spotted the machine, he allegedly said, Ceethreepeeo my old buddy, I haven’t seen you for a long time, you’re my bess fren, you’n’me were always bess frens Ceethreepeeo, I love you, ish meanyou gainst zhe wurrrrrl, gorr any booze? When the robot advised him to come along quietly he opened fire on it with a small caliber pistol, damaging its semiconductors.

After all that, police finally entered his home, smacked him on the jaw and arrested him.

More police robot mishaps

RELATED POSTS:
Robot Soldier – The Perfect Killing Machine

Stupid Criminal Of The Week: Cop was DUI while on duty

When it comes to stupid crime, the idea of an on duty police officer being pulled over for drunk driving definitely qualifies foe a Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award.
After driving on the wrong side of the road and recklessly weaving from lane to lane, South African cop Nkuleleko Mbanjwa stopped for no apparent reason and was pulled out of his vehicle by Russell George who alleged the man was drunk. The police officer had alcohol on his breath and witnesses suggested he had been drinking heavily.

While the South African incident has people shocked, it was the decision of civilian Russell George that makes everyone realize how lucky it was nobody was injured. The armed police officer was held by George with a citizen arrest and put into the back of the police vehicle while more police came. While Russell first called the police to assist, no officers came to the scene immediately and the citizen was concerned the alleged tipsy cop would have driven off and caused a serous accident.

Nkuleleko Mbanjwa apparently was celebrating his birthday and claimed he had only had one drink. This turned out to be true but the one drink was a litre bottle of spirits.

Not only is it alleged that he was driving recklessly there was another traffic incident reported too. He allegedly hit another vehicle prior to his arrest but fled the scene.

Fact check it isn’t this story I used several sources.

For Once The Animal Was Sober (not sure about the human)

At this time of year Boggart Blog likes to bring you news about the misdemeanours of animals that have become intoxicated on alcohol formed by natural fermentation while dining on fruit fallen from trees. These stories usually involve sober humans being left traumatised following encounters with inebriated elks, squiffy squirrels, bladdered badgers, sozzled starlings and pie-eyed porkers.

This story however concerns animals that were stone cold sober and following the green cross code. The deer were travelling (to a stag night?) cross – country near Fargo, (a village close to Wells), when their presence pissed off a passing driver so much she felt compelled to call the local radio station. The call went like this:

This is Dave Rogers Talktime, Fargo, North Dakota, radio station Y94, Our next caller is Donna. Donna has some problems with deer crossings. Over the last few years, she’s been involved in several deer-related car accidents, and she decided to call the show to talk about how her deer crossing issues should be address. The airwaves are yours Donna.

“I want to know why are government people placing the signs in high-traffic areas?”

Well maybe they place signs where the deer want to cross roads Donna.

“If that’s why, shouldn’t we be encouraging deer to cross the road in low-traffic areas rather than on busy highways?”

Maybe it’s because the deer can’t read the crossing signs but drivers can Donna. We have to make allowances for dumb animals

“The government have the money and the technology, they can guide deer to lower traffic areas, it’s unfair drivers should be inconvenience by having to slow down or stop for deer when we have to get to work or to an appointment. Derr don’t pay taxes why should they be treated like they are privileged”

We’re sure the government have teams of scientists working on it, Donna. Thanks for your call.

RELATED POSTS:
For once the animal was sober

Neither the driver, the moose nor the bear was drunk

When the news ticker in the Boiggart Blog office brought us a story of a Norwegian driver who while driving on a rural road swerved his car to avoid running into a moose, only to hit a bear instead we were intrigued. Every year we bring you a crop of stories about animals getting drunk on the alcohol produced by natural fermentation of fruit left on trees to decay.

However not only is it a little early for apple trees to be making natural cider but in this case neither the bear, the moose or the driver appears to have been drunk.

The driver spotted the moose on a country road near Hanestad, 139 miles north of Oslo, around midnight on Wednesday 15 August, and tried to go around the animal, not realising that a combative bear was also nearby, offering to take on all comers.

“The driver had lost a bit of speed as he tried to avoid the moose which lessened the impact when he hit the bear,” said Svein Erik Bjorke of the local wildlife authority, who was out in the forest searching for the wounded animal.

“We are currently tracking the bear and we have found traces of blood,” he said.

The driver escaped uninjured while his car suffered some damage. The Moose, a large male, wandered off saying he could not hang around as he was on his way to a stag night.

Norway’s rugged mountains are sparsely populated and full of wildlife. The country, nearly the size of Germany but home to just five million people, has around 100,000 moose, at least 10% being seasonal alcoholics and 15,000 brown bears, authorities said.

Trick or Teat

Who are these babies rininging our doorbell and lisping “twick or tweat”.

Around here, where we live in the shadow of Pendle Hill with all its sinister associations, Halloween used to be for grown ups. Off up Pendle the lads and lasses would go on this night to pay their respects to Mother Demdike and celebrate the rites the old Gods (if you know what I mean).

Few drinks in the Wellsprings, the Swan with Two Necks or the Excorcists Arms and off you’d go, climing towards the dark summit. Chances are you would meet a young lady and ask her if she was up for it.

Chances are she would reply, “I was hoping to mate with the Devil and bear his hellish brood but there’s a lot of competition about so OK, you’ll do.”

And because we northerers are well hard (or totally stupid) it would be off with kit for a quick roll in the heather. Now you have to be very stupid or very drunk to get your kit off of a mindight in Lancashire at this time of year but rolling in heather takes a special kind of bravery.

So having celebrated the rite and earned bragging rights it was off back to your local to compare notes with your mates.

And no sweeties or little kiddywinks in sight. Well they had Guy Fawkes night, that was for children, fireworks, treacle toffee, baked potatoes and all that. Fireworks are not politically correct now of course and burning an effigy of a 400 year old conspirator might send out the wrong message about the acceptability of setting fire to tramps.

But I say to hell with political correctness, brink back Guy Fawkes for the kids and let us grown ups have Halloween.

Drunk As A Monk In A Cider Store – It’s Drunken Animal Season Again

Anna Raccoon today reports a story that should have all those alcohol awareness hand wringers rushing around in a tizzy.

Drunken moose gets stuck in an apple tree

A few years ago our lotal readers may remember, our own fatsally reported a case of anti social animal behaviour arising from a Swedish Elk’s binge drinking.

It was the drunken elk in the orchard with the antler

Alas these are not uncommon stories nor is animal alcoholism confined to Elks. Some years ago a similarly drunken Swedish elk was accused of causing the death of a woman. Animal lovers will be pleased to know Sweden’s politically correct Thought Police did not prosecute the creature because Sweden’s Elk equality regulations stipulate that animal had to be able to understand the charges against it and the poor beast had totally addled its brain with alcohol and could not understand a word of Swedish.

In Boggart Blog over the years we have reported squiffy squirrels, bladdered badgers, groggy goats, sozzled starlings, a pissed porker and many other drunken animals.

Somebody ought to introduce a twelve step programme to help our furry friends conquer their addiction.

RELATED POSTS
Find more on inebriates elks and pissede pensioners in our archives: Boggart Blog Select 10

Drunk In Charge Of Your Feet

For the second time in just over a week blogger Dick Puddlecoat has scooped us on a story with brilliant comic potential and a very sinister side. Well done to Dick and here’s a link to his blog post

Drunk In Charge Of A Pair Of Legs

Like Dick I have been saying for many years that once the Politically Correct Thought Police had succeeded in criminalising cigarettes and tobacco they would start a campaign to have alcohol users made into social lepers too.

What better way to start than with random breath tests on pedestrians. But is it really a crime to stagger home from the pub on a Friday night drunkenly singing something like this?

Please don’t burn our shithouse down
Mother has promised to pay,
Father’s away cross the ocean blue,
Kate’s in the family way.
Tommy’s in prison serving six months,
yes time have been terrible hard.
So please don’t burn our shithouse down
or we’ll all have to shit in the yaaaaaaaaard.

And another great British Tradition will be lost forver to the dark forces of control freakery :))

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

Rat Arsed Badger

Boggart Blog always strives to bring our readers the really important news stories, especially those concerning anti social behaviour by animals. We have previously reported on stoned squirrels, wasted wallabies, sozzled shrews, pissed pipistrelles, a maunged moose, bladdered birds and even an inebriated iguana (well we wish we had reported the last one but it hasn’t come up yet.)

We have also run stories on cantankerous koalas, stroppy sheep, belligerent badgers and even anti social animals that do not alliterate, flatulent kangaroos, flying pigs and stone throwing chimps for example.

Thus we were unsure whether to title today’s main post Bladdered Badger or Rat Arsed Badger. This is one of the most serious stories of animal binge drinking and anti social animal behaviour it has been our duty to report and it shows that animal drunkenness is not a problem confined to Britain, a fact that will surely concern the G8 leaders as they meet in the holiday apartment usually occupied by the eighteen year old girlfriend of Don Vito Berlusconi to wrestle with the financial crisis, climate change and teenage porn stars.

The report filed by our Boggart in Berlin tells of a German motorist who considerately stopped to move what appeared to be a dead badger from the road. On approaching the animal he was surprised to see it stagger to its feet and say:

Where you been, I thought you gone home, wha’ great night last night eh, me and you, we shifted some stuff las’ night eh. Me and you, you’re my best mate you are, I love you.”

When the driver asked if the badger was able to walk because he’d like it to move aside and let him pass it became aggressive:

Whu the, you, me, you, gerrrcha, who do you think you are Aldolf, bossing me around, you, me, just because you’ve got a Merc, bossing me, you think you’re better’n’me coz I like a drink. Well I’ll tell you I’m as good as you see, you, me, you, bossed aound by the likes of you, me. I got rights me, it’s a free country.”

The badger then fell over and went to sleep again. Wishing to avoid further unpleasantness the motorist whose name was Hans Frie called the police on his mobile phone.

When a squad of armed officers and animal welfare specialists arrived they quickly ascertained that what Hans had thought was blood was in fact a pool of bright red vomit. The animal had been eating windfall cherries that had fermented on the ground.

As the squad considered what action to take the badger, awakened by the kerfuflle to find itself surrounded by armed officers, staggered towards them shouting: “You don’t scare me you effing Nazis, I’ll take you all on, I’m well hard, me.”

A quick thinking officer then averted what could have become a very ugly episode by hitting the badger with a brush and chasing it away.

RELATED POSTS:
The Grey and White Peril Coming To Your Back Yard Badger gangs terrorise the countryside.

Pissed As A Camel When you camel has got the hump it’s probably been on the booze the night before.

Pissed As A Thrush I have been wondering why the birds in my garden were all singing “My Way” out of tune and yelling “drink”, “feck” at regular intervals

THE DAILY STIRRER
and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot
Ian at Authorsden

Scary Willy Story #2

Warning! This news stoey could make your eyes water, your toes curl and, if you are a bloke, your willy shrivel up smaller than a cocktail sausage.

Generation excess strikes again.
Remember those booze and weed soaked halcyon days of your mis-spent youth?
Parties, pub crawls, all day drinking sessions?
Waking up next to a cold, congealed vindaloo, wearing a policeman’s helmet and cuddling a traffic cone whilst clad in a pair of see through net knickers?
Dying of embarrassment when your friends tell you about how you stood up on the stage at the disco and stripped slowly to George Michael’s ‘Careless Whisper’, before telling the few who were still standing about how much you just loved your best mate, the bestest mate in the world, then pitching forward and vomiting onto to the DJ’s twin turntables?
And then as you slowly inspected this alien body that your mind had landed up in, you found the plaster.
On your arm, on your chest, perhaps on your shoulder or maybe even on your bum, there was a plaster.
Filled with a sense of dread you gently peeled it back to reveal a technicolour picture of an angel riding a Harley D.?
Yes whilst you were pissed as a fart in a bottle, you allowed yourself to be persuaded to the all night tattoo centre, where somebody who had more illustrations than a Marvel comic had lovingly injected lots of ink underneath your skin so that it will never come off, unless you undergo a surgical procedure.

Ha! You lightweights.

A young man from Stevenage has raised the stakes on drunken shenanigans and self mutilation.
At least I hope he was drunk when he took a pair of nail clippers up to his room and proceeded to circumcise himself.

THE DAILY STIRRER
and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot
Ian at Authorsden