The Great Recovery Illusion

On the BBC television political discussion show last night, in which a panel drawn from the political, media and academic communities field questions from an audience drawn from the general public, a panellist who I assume was a conservative was squawking about how well the UK economy was doing, citing that unemployment had fallen again in recent months and was now down to levels last seen before the dotcom crash in 2000.

An audience member was quickly on his feet to point out, to applause from the whole audience that the figure was misleading as people in zero hours contracts and part time jobs are classed as ‘in work’ to get them off the statistics. The young man could also have reminded the programmes studio and television audience that people who are out of work for two years are reclassified as ‘not economically active’ and removed from the unemployment register. Even if these people would love to work and are eager to grab any reasonably well paid job available, they are not counted as unemployed.

Then there are the lost legions of the partially disabled, the thousands encouraged to sign up for toytown degree courses at tenth rate colleges and universities. and don’t get me started on the non jobs in the public sector, the equalities offices, gender awareness councillors and so on.

This manipulation of statistics to create a false impression of economic – if not health then only ‘feeling-a-bit-off-colourism’ is not only going on in Britain and among our EU colleagues. With every months employment statistics from Washington, Tyler Durden at Zero Hedge return to one of his favourite themes, the the recovery in the US waiter and bartender economy.
Every month, if we look back, we see Washington claiming the U S economy has created stupendous numbers of ‘new jobs’ (I’m not sure but I have the impression a lot of these are just a case of hiring a replacement for someone who retired, but changing the job title slightly.

Overall however, due to population growth via immigration, in Europe and North America the proportion of the whole population actually in work is regularly hitting new lows. We live in an era of universal deception.

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The Jobless Economy

Politicians, economists and others with an interest in talking up the economy to get us all spending and taking on debt and mortgage loans again may rave about recovery. With our industrial base so depleted where will the jobs come from that we need to lead a recovery?” They may call it fiscal prudence, we call it loonytoons economics…

No Jobs For The Masses In The New Economy Despite University Education
No matter how leaders like David Cameron and Barack Obama try to talk up their economies or assure voters the jobs market is improving, growth returning and unemployment will soon start falling, the truth is change does not equal progress and forcing the pace of social change has only masked the true depth of economic and social problems. One of these is unemployment and particularly joblessness among the young. Even a universdity education does not provide a guaranteed career path.

The Real Story Behind Obama’s Job Creation
Last week’s announcement by the U.S. labour department that the American economy had created 216,000 jobs in March was seized on as cause for celebrations by sychophantic Obamessiah cultists desperate for something to praise “The greatest human being who ever lived” for. Obama cult inhouse newssheets The New York Times, the Washington Post reported that …

The 99ers: Death Of The American Dream.

The 99ers are a new social class created by the economic recession in the USA. This new demographic, not one the advertizing industry will be interested in are jobless people whose unemployment benefit (job sekers in UK parlance) benefit has run out and thus who have dropped off the unemployment statistics. But even for people who are not 99ers times are hard scross the pond …

British Workers Compete With Immigrants For Jobs

The main controversy in today’s news stories is the response of Work amd Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith to the citicisms made by the Archbishop of Canterbury about the government’s handling of the long term unemployment problem.

More Graduates, Less Graduate Jobs by Xavier Connolly

All the while Labour were in power they kept muttering about the knowledge economy as if simply having attained a University degree was a marketable asset. In reality were were spending fortunes on educating people to be call centre clerks, shelf fillers and burger flippers. Now the coalition must find a way to deal with the problem of having too many graducates in areas that offer no jobs.

Jobless Benefit Claimants rise in October
Once again, in a welter of obfuscatory statistics we learn that while the overall number of jobless people has fallen the number claiming jobseekers allowance as risen. Though presented as good news by the government this can only mean more people have gone past the time limit for claiming jobseekers allowance and been transferred to income support, claimants of which are not included on the figures.

Graduate Unemployment Reaches A New High News that there are 70 applicants for each graduate vacancy as this years University output start the soul destroying business of seeking jobs cannot have cheered anybody. But what are te reasons for this disastrous state of affairs. Could it be anything to do with governments pushing University for all to mask the true extent of our declime as an industrial nation?

No Real Jobs In The New Economy

Gordon Brown’s Labour government and the failing Obama administration in the USA, feeling power slipping through their fingers, are trying to lull people into a false sense of security with claims the ‘green’ and the ‘digital’ economies will restore prosperity. This as a blatant lie, nobody needs a PhD in economics or Social Science to understand that the “new economy” of green businesses and digital commerce will destroy not create real jobs…

Minimum Wage Folly A Return To Speenhamland?

The minimum wage is meant to alleviate poverty and resolve problems with unemployment but as Ian R. Thorpe shows, as with all the cure all, politically correct social engineering wheezes dreamed up by the “progressive left” every time a minimum wage scheme is implemented it achieves the opposite of what is intended…

The Real Unemployment Figure

New unemployment figures released yesterday show unemployment fell by 0.1% in the three months December to FebruarY. Contained in the figures was a statistic that undermines government talk of an economic upturn. This is the number of people in work. Headline unemployment has fallen the number of people in work has also fallen. What’s going on?

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US Congress Passes Bill Allowing Colonization Of Space

The for all the science tits and space wankers to involunarity ejaculate. We have blogged on the looniness of Church Of Scienology evangelists who lobby governments to commit? to spending $£€trillions on colonizing space even though getting beyond our solar system with current technology presents insurmountable obstacles.

Can you imagine the cost of getting a kilo of space dust back from some planet in even a nearby solar system

by Deirdre Fulton, Common Dreams (Reproduced under CC licence):

In a bipartisan bid to encourage commercial exploitation of outer space, the U.S. Senate this week unanimously passed the Space Act of 2015, which grants U.S. citizens or corporations the right to legally claim non-living natural resources—including water and minerals—mined in the final frontier.

The legislation — described by IGN‘s Jenna Pitcher as “a celestial ‘Finders Keepers’ law”—could be a direct affront to an international treaty that bars nations from owning property in space. The bill will now be sent back to the House of Representatives, which is expected to approve the changes, and then on to President Barack Obama for his anticipated signature.

Pitcher continued:

The new Space Act allows ventures to keep and sell any natural resources mined on planets, asteroids and other celestial bodies. Commercial operations could reap trillions of dollars from mining precious metals like platinum, common metallic elements such as iron, and water, the “oil of space.”

The vote was celebrated by the Google-backed “asteroid mining company” Planetary Resources, which lobbied hard for the legislation and says “the market in space is ripe to bloom.”

Planetary Resources president and chief engineer Chris Lewicki added: “Throughout history, governments have spurred growth in new frontiers by instituting sensible legislation. Long ago, The Homestead Act of 1862 advocated for the search for gold and timber, and today, H.R. 2262 fuels a new economy that will open many avenues for the continual growth and prosperity of humanity.”

“This off-planet economy,” he said, “will forever change our lives for the better here on Earth.”

But there could be a snag. Along with Britain, France, and Russia, the U.S. is a signatory to the 1967 Outer Space Treaty, which reads in part: “Outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, is not subject to national appropriation by claim of sovereignty, by means of use or occupation, or by any other means.”

As Wired noted on Thursday, “handing out the right to exploit chunks of space to your citizens sounds very much like a claim of sovereignty, despite the Space Act’s direct statement that ‘the United States does not thereby assert sovereignty or sovereign or exclusive rights or jurisdiction over, or the ownership of, any celestial body’.”

“[O]n the one hand Congress is saying to these companies, ‘Go get these rights and we’’ll defend you,’ and at the same time saying, ‘We’re making no sovereign claim of ownership’,” space lawyer Michael Listner told the Guardian.

“They’re trying to dance around the issue,” he said of U.S. lawmakers. “I tend to think it doesn’t create any rights because it conflicts with international law. The bottom line is before you can give somebody the right to harvest a resource you have to have ownership.”

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Space Travel…Will This Eventually Become A Reality?
The very concept of sending people into space has always been an interest to me, not because I actually believe it will happen, but just with the thoughts of how far we would have to advance, technically in order to achieve such a quest. I was reading an article which spoke of someone who was wondering if we would ever form colonies in space, and I felt compelled to respond. This was my response.

ET Phone Home – The Science Of Wasting Taxpayers’ Money
When one of the most famous and highly promoted science fanboys starts to question the official narrative about exploring distant galaxies, meeting exotic aliens (and inviting them all to come to earth and live on welfare in the western democracies) we have to wonder did he fail to win the prize for whackiest theory at this year’s Star Trek convention or something?
Astronomers reveal fast FRBs have been discovered coming from the same mystery cosmic source

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Greece: A New Versailles

In spite of rejoicing over the story (which is looking more credible as time passes) that leftie loony Comrade Jeremy Corbyn is set to win the race to lead the Labour Party and will certainly take the party so far to the left they will end up on the right of Pol Pot, we are still cheering another left winger, former Greek finance minister Yannis Varoufakis.

In his latest swing of the big dead fish with which he keeps slapping the EU leadership, V-fak has accused Brussels and the Troika of imposing “A new Versailles” on Greece, a reference to the humiliating and punitive treaty France (though opposed by Britain and the USA insisted on imposing on Germany after World War 1 and which is generall accepted as having led to the rise of Naziism and the outbreak of World War 2.

Here’s a little from V-fak’s latest outburst, with the qualifier that while we do not support a lot of his left socialist economic thinking, he has the big one absolutely right, globalism and the expansionist policies of the EU are corporatism, the sibling of fascism, and have nothing to do with democracy, free speech and the underlying principles of democratic societies. Over to V-fak.

In the next hours and days, I shall be sitting in Parliament to assess the legislation that is part of the recent Euro Summit agreement on Greece. I am also looking forward to hearing in person from my comrades, Alexis Tsipras and Euclid Tsakalotos, who have been through so much over the past few days. Till then, I shall reserve judgment regarding the legislation before us. Meanwhile, here are some first, impressionistic thoughts stirred up by the Euro Summit’s Statement.

A New Versailles Treaty is haunting Europe – I used that expression back in the Spring of 2010 to describe the first Greek ‘bailout’ that was being prepared at that time. If that allegory was pertinent then it is, sadly, all too germane now.

Never before has the European Union made a decision that undermines so fundamentally the project of European Integration. Europe’s leaders, in treating Alexis Tsipras and our government the way they did, dealt a decisive blow against the European project.

The project of European integration has, indeed, been fatally wounded over the past few days. And as Paul Krugman rightly says, whatever you think of Syriza, or Greece, it wasn’t the Greeks or Syriza who killed off the dream of a democratic, united Europe.

Back in 1971 Nick Kaldor, the noted Cambridge economist, had warned that forging monetary union before a political union was possible would lead not only to a failed monetary union but also to the deconstruction of the European political project. Later on, in 1999, German-British sociologist Ralf Dahrendorf also warned that economic and monetary union would split rather than unite Europe. All these years I hoped that they were wrong. Now, the powers that be in Brussels, in Berlin and in Frankfurt have conspired to prove them right.

The Euro Summit statement of yesterday morning reads like a document committing to paper Greece’s Terms of Surrender. It is meant as a statement confirming that Greece acquiesces to becoming a vassal of the Eurogroup.

The Euro Summit statement of yesterday morning has nothing to do with economics, nor with any concern for the type of reform agenda capable of lifting Greece out of its mire. It is purely and simply a manifestation of the politics of humiliation in action. Even if one loathes our government one must see that the Eurogroup’s list of demands represents a major departure from decency and reason.

The Euro Summit statement of yesterday morning signalled a complete annulment of national sovereignty, without putting in its place a supra-national, pan-European, sovereign body politic. Europeans, even those who give not a damn for Greece, ought to beware.

Much energy is expended by the media on whether the Terms of Surrender will pass through Greek Parliament, and in particular on whether MPs like myself will toe the line and vote in favour of the relevant legislation. I do not think this is the most interesting of questions. The crucial question is: Does the Greek economy stand any chance of recovery under these terms?

Mainstream Media Myths and The Power Of Belief

by Simon Black via Zero Hedge,
(in reading this article you have to adjust specifically American reference to fit the current state of the EU, but all the points made apply equally to this side of The Atlantic)
Years ago, an elderly, frail Japanese martial arts master once boasted a 200-0 record against his opponents.

He claimed to have a unique power that allowed him to inflict serious injury on people without actually laying a finger on them.

Was it Chi? Magic? None of the above. It was a total scam. But that didn’t matter.

You see, the legend of the master’s powers turned out to be far more powerful than reality.

His core following of students believed in the master so much that they would fling themselves across the dojo whenever he raised his pinky finger.

And anyone who saw the display would become transfixed by the perception of the master’s extraordinary abilities. It was an incredible case of mass delusion.

Everyone believed it, including the master himself. He was so confident in his skills that he put up a $5,000 challenge that he could beat any fighter in the world.

A mixed martial arts champion accepted the wager, and the result wasn’t pretty. As you can see in the video (below), the master is quickly knocked to the ground with a broken nose and a pool of blood.

You can almost hear the sound of reality quickly taking hold from the gasps of his students. No one could bring themselves to believe that the master had been so quickly beaten.

To an outsider, it seems so obvious that this guy is a phony (just watch the video). But mass delusion is an incredibly powerful force.

We see the same effects in the West today—mass delusions everywhere.

People seem to believe their governments are almighty beings capable of performing magic—water into wine, debt into wealth.

Here are some of the biggest myths we see in the system today:

1. The dollar will continue to be the dominant currency.

This is a total farce. Grumblings grow louder around the world to establish a new non-dollar financial system, and China has taken the lead to make this a reality.

2. The US is still the dominant military power in the world.

If you measure by the quality of trained personnel, this is true. But what good is all of that military power if you can’t afford to do anything with it?

3. The police exist to protect the people.

Wrong again. With so much civil asset forfeiture taking place at the point of a gun (federally funded assault rifles), it’s clear they’re far more concerned about protecting those that maintain the status quo than protecting you.

4. Elections make a difference

Completely false. Most Western governments borrow money to pay interest on the money they’ve already borrowed.

In the US, they spend so much on mandatory entitlements and interest they could eliminate almost the entire government and still not run a balanced budget.

At that level of desperation, it matters not who’s in power.

5. Your bank is safe

Your bank might HAVE a safe. But if you look at objective data, many banks in the West have incredibly thin levels of capital and liquidity—the exact opposite of what a safe bank is supposed to have.

Oh yeah, they’re backed by poorly capitalized deposit insurance funds, which are guaranteed by insolvent governments.

And bear in mind that even if your bank is reasonably capitalized, you are still guaranteed to lose money on a tax adjusted, inflation adjusted basis if you you’re holding your savings there.

6. You have to go to college in order to get ahead

Quite the opposite—going to college in many cases can get you behind; just ask any 36-year old still paying down that $100,000 student loan debt.

The world is a big place full of opportunity. Skills and experience matter more than pieces of paper.

Here’s a better option, especially for young people: head overseas, and become an apprentice to a successful, knowledgeable individual that you respect.

Any young person who thinks that going to college is a good idea should just ask any of their unemployed friends saddled with $100,000 of debt if it was worth it.

7. I saw it on TV so it must be true.

Ufff. The mainstream media exist to paint a distorted version of reality so that people are kept placated, docile and largely clueless about what really goes on in the world.

8. Debt doesn’t matter because we owe it to ourselves

Whoever first said this must have a lot of whips and chains in his closet because he seems to enjoy pain.

If we owe the debt to ‘ourselves,’ that means that we will need to default on ourselves.

This means no more Social Security, Medicare, etc. It means causing the US Federal Reserve to become insolvent and spark a currency crisis. It means causing the collapse of every bank in the country.

Sure, no biggie.

9. The United States is the Land of the Free

Draconian surveillance efforts on its citizens. Punitive taxes, fines and regulation. Rising police state. Telling people what they can or can’t put in their bodies, how to grow their food, who to adore, who to hate. Preventing them to collect their own rainwater and live off the grid.
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The Collapse Of The Economic System Thanks To American Warmongering

After blogging yesterday on the Obama Administrations latest loonytoons plan to ‘kick-start’ the (US) economy, which you can bet our equally inept government will not be long in taking up, I though a mash up of snippets from financial papers and blogs might be a good way to kick off today, just to show you all again that despite the propaganda happy pills we are given every day, the global financial system is still FUBAR and our leaders (of any mainstream political party) do not have a clue what to do next.

This first story is something I have warned was imminent many times:

from Zero Hedge

The Nail In The Petrodollar Coffin: Gazprom Begins Accepting Payment For Oil In Ruble, Yuan

A little over a month ago, when Russia announced the much anticipated “Holy Grail” energy deal with China, some were disappointed that despite this symbolic agreement meant to break the petrodollar’s stranglehold on the rest of the world, neither Russia nor China announced payment terms to be in anything but dollars. In doing so they admitted that while both nations are eager to move away from a US Dollar reserve currency, neither is yet able to provide an alternative. This changed rather dramatically overnight when in a little noticed statement, Gazprom’s CFO Andrey Kruglov uttered the magic words (via Bloomberg):

GAZPROM READY TO SETTLE CHINA CONTRACTS IN YUAN OR RUBLES: CFO

In other words just as the US may or may not be preparing to export crude – a step which the clever boys and girls in Washington have nopt yet worked out would weaken the dollar’s reserve status as traditional US oil trading partners will need to find other import customers who pay in non-USD currencies – the world’s two other superpowers are preparing to respond. And once the bilateral trade in Rubles or Renminbi is established, the rest of the energy world will piggyback. [ Continue Reading ]

First Russia and China, then UAE, Egypt, and Turkey… and now it appears Germany is pulling the rug out from under US hegemony

First Russia and China, then UAE, Egypt, and Turkey… and now it appears Germany (following a phone call with Putin) is pulling the rug out from under US hegemony – just as Obama’s warmongery ramps up…

*MERKEL SAYS U.S. CAN’T SOLVE ALL THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS ANYMORE

Which is odd because just yesterday, President Obama (who never lies) stated “The United States is and will remain the one indispensable nation in the world…” adding that “no other nation can do what we do.” Perhaps he is wrong? Oh, but it’s racist to suggest he might be wrong

Read more

Meanwhile Der Spiegel was reporting fears among the German business community:

Just a day after the US sanctions were announced, the German-Russian Foreign Trade Office in Moscow was besieged by phone calls from concerned German companies who do business with both the US and Russia. The German Chambers of Commerce and Industry estimate that up to a quarter of German companies that do business abroad could be affected. And the risks are significant, with large fines threatening those who violate the American sanctions, whether knowingly or not.

Stefan Fittkau, who heads the Moscow office of EagleBurgmann, the Bavaria-based industrial sealing specialists, says company sales have already plunged by 30 percent. “Orders have been cancelled or delayed — or we simply don’t receive them anymore,” he says. Novatek, Russia’s second largest natural gas company, for example, had hired EagleBurgmann to take care of seals at a vast liquefied natural gas facility on the Yamal Peninsula in Siberia. Now, though, doing business with Novatek is no longer allowed.

(extracted from Der Spiegel)]

As Boggart Blog has told you previously, the rush to suck up to Obama by imposing the sanctions the USA demanded on a nation that is a much bigger trade partner of the EU than the USA, is backfiring with European economies being hit far harder by the measures than the Russians.

Argentina And A Few More Countries Near Bankruptcy

So the QE led recovery is surging ahead all around the world? Well that’s the fairy tale being pumped out by mainstream media as the elite grow increasingly fearful people are catching on to just how totally screwed up we are thanks to the efforts of the Oligarchic Collectivism of the globalisers.

from Hang The Bankers
Latin America’s third-largest economy, Argentina, defaulted on scheduled payments on its government bonds at the end of July. Credit agency Moody’s reported Argentina’s one-year Sovereign EDF (Expected Default Frequency) to soared 48% in one week earning the country a Caa1 rating.
A Caa1 rating is well below the first level of bad rating Ba1, which already indicates a significant credit risk- Argentina Moody’s credit rating is Caa1; or Negative.

Here’s a few more negative ratings; Cyprus Caa3, and Greece Caa3. You would expect these countries to have these types of ratings as their economies have all but collapsed with banks defaulting as well as governments if were not for EU bailout packages and assistance from IMF/ECB and even the US Federal Reserve.

Alongside them however is Egypt with Moody’s credit rating Caa1, Jamaica Caa3, Pakistan Caa1, Ukraine Caa3, Venezuala Caa1 and finally Belize Caa2 – any one of these countries could effectively go ‘bust’ at any moment, plunging the world into another crisisette. But should one of the bigger economies go ……

All of which goes to show what you read or hear in mainstream news is a joke:

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Mass Immigration Means Failing Hospitals, Schools And Overcrowded Cities

Mass immigration into Britain could lead to failing hospitals, overcrowded classrooms, water shortages and the need for hundreds of new cities, a new report warns. Metaphors involving bolting horses and stable doors spring to mind.

This is of course exactly what Boggart Blog, UKIP bloggers and common sense merchants have been warning about for twenty years as the Labour Party and Liberal Democrats have been screaming that we must open the flood gates and let anyone in who wants to come here (including terrorists, seditionists, murderers, rapists, gangsters and arseholes fleeing justice in their own nations.)

The report, written by Robert Rowthorn, Emeritus Professor of Economics at the University of Cambridge for think-tank Civitas found that heavy immigration will have an overall negative impact in living standards as any economic benefits will be outweighed by extreme pressures on amenities (read the .pdf published by Civitas here).

Or if you are one of those precious lefties who will not take my word because I’m one of those nasty bigots who refuses to agree with you, read another report here. Needless to say The Guardian and The Independent will not be giving a lot of space to this story.

The report warns that particular strain will be placed on schools, housing and hospitals. It also forecasts that while overall Gross Domestic Product (GDP) could rise, the effects on GDP Per Capita would be minimal.

Now normally I don’t pay much attention to academics, particularly economists, but in this case what is being reported correlates with what businessmen and sensible politicians (not necessarily Conservative or UKIP, do the names Jack Straw and David Blunkett mean anything to you? (I’ve linked to Huff Post and the Daily Mirror, they don’t give the best coverage but even the most rabid lefties can’t say they are right wing extremist sources.)

Prof Rowthorn warned: “Unrestrained population growth would eventually have a negative impact on the standard of living through its environmental effects such as overcrowding, congestion and loss of amenity.

“Such losses would ultimately outweigh the small gain in average wages apparently resulting from mass immigration.”

Figures from the Office for National Statistics suggest that the UK population will grow by 20 million over the next 50 years, and 29 million over the next 75 – and that is from immigration alone.

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How Prostitutes And Drug Pushers Are Driving Economic Recovery

prostitutes boost gdp Entrepreneurs working to boost GDP (source)

Back in May Italy started a trend by announcing a plan to “boost” its GDP figures through the simple expedient of adding the estimated impact of cocaine and hookers.

(A note to the economically illiterate here, NB Ed Balls, Vince Cable, George Osborne and that bloke who looks like Scooter from the muppets – GDP is not a measure of how well an economy is doing but only of how much money is churning around in it. This is where post Keynesean economics fails, economists are so thick that can believe that by raising taxes to produce £300million revenue, importing a million immigrants and paying then £300 a wee in benefits actually grows the economy by £600million a week.)

Riding on the back of this pros, pimps and pushers economic gimmick to make the economy look better Britain, the – ahem – most successful economy in Europe at the moment – ahem – has decided to get in on the act. The Office for National Statistics will in future also include the “contribution” made by prostitutes, pimps and drug pushers to make its GDP look a little stronger. Really, I wasn’t aware prozzers and pushers had started registering with the Revenue and charging VAT. And as we are talking of Value Added Tax, in the case of commercial sex surely the value is added by the punter and not the vendor after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

According to The Guardian “for the first time official statisticians are measuring the value to the UK economy of sex work and drug dealing – and they have discovered these unsavoury hidden-economy trades make roughly the same contribution as farming – and only slightly less than book and newspaper publishers added together.”

How big of a “contribution” does ONS expect the good, old fashoned “vice” make to that Holy Grail of irrelevant economic statistics, the GDP then? I wan’te Here are some quotes from ONS documents:

Illegal drugs and prostitution boosted the economy by £9.7bn – equal to 0.7% of gross domestic product – in 2009, according to the ONS’s first official estimate. A breakdown of the data shows sex work generated £5.3bn for the economy that year, with another £4.4bn lift from a combination of cannabis, heroin, powder cocaine, crack cocaine, ecstasy and amphetamines.

Did you spot the problem? Since one can’t report on a tax return that the source of income is have paid sex or selling illegal drugs, the ONS has to to estimate the economic contribution by these illegal professions. This is how it has gone about doing it:

According to the estimates there were 60,879 prostitutes in the UK in 2009, who had an average of 25 clients per week – each paying on average £67.16 per visit.

Really, £67.16? Do prostitutes use per second billing like phone companies?

So complex are the billing methods of those who trade illegally (whatever happened to the cavalier approach to accounting displayed in “The Ling Good Friday” expressed in the line “Give ’em a grand for the inconvenience.”) an excel spreadsheet model has now been created to calculate the hypothetical GDP boost to the nation is. Making things even more surreal, and confirming the GDP calculation is officially a statistical joke, here is how drugs are accounted for:

The statisticians reckon there were 2.2 million cannabis users in the UK in 2009, toking their way through weed worth more than £1.2bn. They calculate that half of that was home-grown – costing £154m in heat, light and “raw materials” to produce

The models will need updating constantly, sex and drugs being about the only truly free market activity, cost and prices vary constantly according to supply and demand. The ONS says:

“Our agents will work in the coming months to bring the data more up to date. The figures will then be included in the broad category of household spending on “miscellaneous goods and services” alongside life insurance, personal care products and post office charges.”

It is unclear if the ONS will pay for its agents to conduct due diligence in various brothels, or alternatively conduct “inhouse” sessions at the headquarters. What is clear is that quite soon the largest marginal provider of “growth” not just in Britain but all of Europe will be illegal activities:

Alan Clarke, a UK economist at Scotiabank, said that although the government would not feel the benefit of illegal work in terms of income tax take, there would be a spending boost. “A drug dealer or prostitute won’t necessarily pay tax on that £10bn, but the government will get tax receipts when they spend their income on a pimped up car or bling phone.”

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