What an arse.

Yesterday we featured a picture post of a billboard adverstising an Easter egg hunt. Anal Egg Hunt, the wording said. Cue tasteless jokes and ribald banter.

An unfortunate error you might well think, but was it? In view of this story we have to wonder just WTF was going to be happening in the course of that Anal egg hunt. Or is it a case of Some people will do anything to get in the Guinness Book Of Records.

arse-of-easter
Click image for larger view

The story of this arsehole’s stunt will not put us Boggart Bloggers off Cereme Eggs of course. We have’t touched the things since Kraft took over Cadburys and swapped the original filling for a fondant of sweetened Dairylea. (Source: Sunday Sport)

Aspergers Egg Hunt

It’s easter, and as usual the breast beating do gooders in society are going out of their way to ensure everybody can join in the fun.

In our caring, sharing, inclusive society this means changing the way the tradition egg hunts that have been part of the celebrations for the festival of pagan goddess Ostara, need to be changed a little. For example, a special kind of egg hunt has to be organised for people afficted with autistic spectrum disorders.

Ever resourceful however, civic leaders are on the case.

HAPPY EASTER

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Reasons Why This Pagan Will Not Vote Labour, Conservative Or Liberal Democrat.
As we prepare to vote in a General Election that we are told will change British Politucs forever, Ian looks at a choice of three main parties that basically offer the same set of globalist, multiculturalist policies and consideres which way a pagan should vote.

Mickey Rooney Heirs To Sue Footballer Wayne?

We could be in for some interesting scenes in the law courts once the vultures lawyers get hold of this idea.

The mother of three-year-old Rooney Scholes ran into trouble when a chocolatier refused to write the little boy’s name on a chocolate Easter egg, claiming Wayne Rooney might sue for breach of copyright.

Pause a moment to take in the sheer idiocy of what you just read, and you will understand why Boggart Blog had to give up our former style of parodying the stupidity of the pompous fools who run the world. We have let these same pomous fools create a world of such surreal insanity they are beyond parody.

Life-long Manchester United fan Jo-Anne Scholes who named her cats Cantona and Berbatov told the press after the Thorntons chocolate store in Bury refused to write “Rooney” on an egg in chocolate icing.
(Jo-Anne Scholes? Is that not breach of copyright? Has former United striker and professional ginge Paul Scholes not copyrighted the name? And should I not be suing that upstart Ian Thorpe for using my name without paying me as licence fee, after all I was Ian Thorpe and had published poetry and fiction before that big footed copyright pirate was born. So my copyright is implied if not legally asserted.

Thornton’s explained their excessive caution is due to the fact that many superstar footballers globally trademark their names to avoid being associated with unofficial merchandise, but also to piss off young children who happen to have the same name. If your family name is Smith, Brown, Robinson, Taylor, Jones or N’dabaninge and your little lad has a fairly common forename, forget the personalised easter eggs.

On the other hand, who’d want to give their kid an official Wayne Rooney easter egg anyway?

easter-egg-face
An official Wayne Rooney © Easter Egg

Face It: Eating Shite Makes You Fat And Ill

There has been a lot of talk this week about how fat we (as a nation) are getting. The ambulance service say they are having to order vans with wider doos, reinforced beds and lifting gear (same as the kit on bin wagons we hope) to cope with the number of hugely huge gutbuckets (not a lot of sympathy here) who are getting sick.

Prisons say they are finding obese prisoners senteced to jail for stealing junk food are too big to fit into standard cells.

Bus companies are running at a loss because passengers demand a double seat for a single fare.

And riding schools are complaining that once they used to get young professionals who would take the mobile phone and filofax along to their riding lessons because they were trying to ride two horses with one arse but now two horses aren’t enough to support one arse.

We’re getting bigger.

Nudger Cameron has been asking his Big Society (no pun intended) (OK, I’m lying) why this is.

Boggart Blog can tell him without need for an expensives social survey. We are eating too much shite made from chemicals.

For the first time last night I saw an ad for a new food product that promises a quick, no fuss bacon and egg sarnie. Only it’s not is it? It might be no fuss but it’s also no bacon and no egg. Instead you get chemicals.

What you buy is slices of bread impregnated with bacon flavoured chemicals and egg flavoured chemicals. You take it out of the expensive and ecologiclly hostile packaging and pop it in the toaster. Two minutes later you have a bacon and egg flavoured slice of toasted chemicals.

What’s the betting it tastes as much like a bacon and egg sandwich as BBQ beef flavoured crisps taste like a char grilled filet steak. But you eat it because it does say on the packaging it’s tasty.

And the chemicals are addictive. So you eat another. And another. And some fish and chip flavoured crisps. And some jam roly poly with custard flavoured instant dessert.

And the chemicals are not only addictive, they are toxic and make you retain water. So you become a bloater. But still you want to eat more chemcals becauce they promise they will taste so good you forget about the metallic, monosodiumglutimaey aftertase that lingers for days.

And before you know it you are being carted off in a supersize ambulance to the “Too Fat To Wipe” ward at the local hospital where you are admitted through the goods entrance on a fork lift truck.

When I read articles in a certain type of newspaper predicting the end of civilisation as we know it I take them with a pinch of salt (natural sea salt of course) But I wonder if I should read them more seriously. If our humanity has been so degraded by the advertising industry we would rather eat chemicals than take the trouble to knock up a delicious bacon and egg sarnie we are well and truly fucked.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog