The highly regarded and comfortingly expensive Manchester Grammar School shocked the education establishment today when the head announced the school would no longer be offering its pupils the opportunity to sit GCSE examinations approved by the governments Department of Education, Science and Silly Walks.
Instead Manchester Grammar pupils will take the iGCSE (International General Certificate Of Secondary Education) prior to entering the sixth form. According to Manchesters headmaster Christopher Ray the iGCSE is similar to the traditional GCE in that passes are awarded for quality of work and not simply because pupils can be arsed to turn up.
Mr. Ray said in a statement to the press standards required to pass GCSEs have fallen so low his teachers are having to coach pupils in how not to appear too clever as this only irritates the examiners.
Call us old fashioned if you like possums but we Boggart Bloggers thought the whole point of education was to teach pupils to be as clever as possible. is it perhaps the case that answers given by the smartarse pupils of Manchester Grammar are way over the heads of exam markers who only have a third in Politically Correct Studies from University of Usedtobeapoly, Slaghoughton.
Perhaps we are missing the point. The new GCSE exams will ignore coursework (because pupils cannot be expected to give up Facebook time to do homework) and concentrate on collaborative in-class projects which will develop the skillset required for a career as a corporate zombie. The new system will also allow pupils who fail to resit examinations a bit at a time so as not to overstretch their twitter conditioned concentration span.
Manchester joins a number of top private schools in rejecting the GCSE. A junior minister at the Department of Education, Science and Silly Walks condemned the move as a backward step, saying that traditional subjects such as Geography, History, Physics and Biology have no part to play in building a modern, positive Britain ready to move forward and meet the new challenges of the 21st century under a modernising New Labour Government that is ready to embrace change and move forward.
Predictably the news was not welcomed by government members.Modern employers demand modern education, the minister told a Boggart Blog reporter, and that means we must introduce policies that move education forward to produce school leavers who have GCSE qualifications in progressive subjects like knowing their arse from their elbow, being able to write their own name without the constraints of fascistic grammar and spelling rules and being able to stick to a script without deviation or trying to think for themselves, no matter how irrelevant the approved procedure is to the customers questions.
We also learned from an anonymous source the reformed GCSE standards will mean pupils are tested even more than at present making British pupils the most tested in the world. This is being hailed as a triumph for Labours education reforms as it has earned an entry in the Guinness book of records. British secondary school leavers are now officially recognised as the most highly qualified illiterates in the world.