£3,000 per term Private School Abandons GCSE – Only for thickos says head..

The highly regarded and comfortingly expensive Manchester Grammar School shocked the education establishment today when the head announced the school would no longer be offering it’s pupils the opportunity to sit GCSE examinations approved by the government’s Department of Education, Science and Silly Walks.

Instead Manchester Grammar pupils will take the iGCSE (International General Certificate Of Secondary Education) prior to entering the sixth form. According to Manchester’s headmaster Christopher Ray the iGCSE is similar to the traditional GCE in that passes are awarded for quality of work and not simply because pupils can be arsed to turn up.

Mr. Ray said in a statement to the press standards required to pass GCSEs have fallen so low his teachers are having to coach pupils in how not to appear too clever as this only irritates the examiners.

Call us old fashioned if you like possums but we Boggart Bloggers thought the whole point of education was to teach pupils to be as clever as possible. is it perhaps the case that answers given by the smartarse pupils of Manchester Grammar are way over the heads of exam markers who only have a third in Politically Correct Studies from University of Usedtobeapoly, Slaghoughton.

Perhaps we are missing the point. The new GCSE exams will ignore coursework (because pupils cannot be expected to give up Facebook time to do homework) and concentrate on collaborative in-class projects which will develop the skillset required for a career as a corporate zombie. The new system will also allow pupils who fail to resit examinations a bit at a time so as not to overstretch their twitter conditioned concentration span.

Manchester joins a number of top private schools in rejecting the GCSE. A junior minister at the Department of Education, Science and Silly Walks condemned the move as a backward step, saying that traditional subjects such as Geography, History, Physics and Biology have no part to play in building a modern, positive Britain ready to move forward and meet the new challenges of the 21st century under a modernising New Labour Government that is ready to embrace change and move forward.

Predictably the news was not welcomed by government members.“Modern employers demand modern education,” the minister told a Boggart Blog reporter, “and that means we must introduce policies that move education forward to produce school leavers who have GCSE qualifications in progressive subjects like knowing their arse from their elbow, being able to write their own name without the constraints of fascistic grammar and spelling rules and being able to stick to a script without deviation or trying to think for themselves, no matter how irrelevant the approved procedure is to the customer’s questions.

We also learned from an anonymous source the reformed GCSE standards will mean pupils are tested even more than at present making British pupils the most tested in the world. This is being hailed as a triumph for Labour’s education reforms as it has earned an entry in the Guinness book of records. British secondary school leavers are now officially recognised as the most highly qualified illiterates in the world.

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GCSE English? F**K That!

It’s about that time of year again when rumours of dumbing down in GCSEs start to proliferate.
Yesterday’s inaugral news story on the subject concerned the use of expletives in students answers.
Marking papers featuring the question, “Describe the room you are sitting in.”, Mr. Peter Buckroyd, a chief examiner, came across the answer “Fuck off”.
Mr. Buckroyd justified his decision to award two marks for this answer on the grounds that the answer demonstrated ‘some simple sequencing of ideas’ and also ‘some words in appropriate order’. He also added that should the pupil have added an exclamation mark the answer would have gained further marks for use of punctuation.

Boggartblog has managed to get hold of the complete mark scheme for this paper.

Question 1. Describe the room you are sitting in.

Marks 27

20-27 marks.

A detailed description of a room, written in sentences, correct spellings, a range of punctuation used accurately, and the use of paragraphs to separate different ideas/subjects within the piece of work. The work should show eveidence of the correct use of nouns, adjectives, verbs, conjunctions, clauses and sub-clauses, subjects, objects, comparatives, superlatives, conjugated verbs, similies and metaphors.
The work should be written in a clear, coherent style, with a logical progression between paragraphs, enabling the reader to draw a mental picture of the writer’s surroundings.

10 – 20 marks.

A structured piece of writing with evidence of attempts to use phonic and other methods in spellings. Some use of conjunctions. Writing in sentences usually using capital letters and full stops. Some use of paragraphs, although not necessarily appropriately.
Attempts to vary the sentence structure, however unsuccessful.

5 – 10 marks.

An account using simple statements which convey meaning.
Roundabout the right letters in spellings, any order accepted.
Evidence of capital letters irrespective of where they appear in a sentence or string of words/letters.
Evidence of simple punctuation.
Use of space to denote the beginning and end of words.

1 – 4 marks.

Any decipherable words, expletives and obscenities included, as in many cases these will be the only words the children are familiar with.
Words do not have to be spelt correctly but do have to be recognisable.
Any recognisable marks which could be interpreted as punctuation.

* Papers which have correctly spelt instructions or comments, such as,

“I can’t be arsed with this!”

“What a load of bollocks!”

“Why should I fucking do this?”

will be awarded up to 20 extra marks as, although they bear no relevance to the question, they do indicate the writers state of mind, his opinion of the education systemn and in particular the examination system to which he is subjected.

Likewise a blank paper should be considered as it could be the student’s way of protesting against the system that he is forced to be a part of, a bit like leaving your ballot paper blank.

Any drawings or doodlings on the paper should also be taken into consideration as should the intentions behind the making of the paper into a paper dart.

Examininers award maks for sob stories