EU regulations force UK fisherman to throw 2 tons of sea bass back into the sea

As that Canadian wanker who heads the Bank of England, Mark Carney, tries once again to meddle in British politics spreading hysterical, and completely false, warnings of economic disaster if we do not abandon Brexit and instead let our country become a vassals state of a Euronazi empire dominated by Germany, we bring you a story of one of the most disastrous policies of the European bureaucratic dictatorship, and its ruinous effects onour fishing industry and on the fish stocks it is intended to conserve.

from Plymouth Herald

A Plymouth trawlerman has spoken of his frustration at having to throw thousands of pounds worth of sea bass back into the water due to strict fishing quotas.

Joel Dunn shared a shocking video of the dead bass – worth £20,000 – being chucked back after a huge haul on Monday.

He said that restrictions on the amount of fish that can be landed costs him vital income, a situation that is particularly difficult in the run up to Christmas.

Fishermen say the rules, which were designed to conserve sea bass numbers, are costing them thousands and the fish often die when they are pulled from the water or soon after being tossed back.

“We brought up two tonnes of bass in just one day,” said Mr Dunn, 32.

The huge haul of bass that had to be thrown back (Image: Joel Dunn)

“After eating they lay on the bottom of the sea bed and we have no idea what’s down there until we bring it up.

“We were targeting cuttlefish and squid but the bass were right in with them.

“It used to be that bringing up a big haul of bass would only happen once or twice a year. But now it seems like a regular occurrence, it’s phenomenal really.

“Some of the fish were still moving in the boat but once they go back in the sea they often die if they haven’t already. It’s such a waste.

“At market that haul would be worth about £20,000.

“Our livelihoods are being put at risk due to these quotas.

Latest Twist In Horsemeat Saga

We used to blog stories about the lips and arseholes in Supermarket burgers and ready meals. Now it seems lips and arseholes were too good for the budget line products.

In the latest shock, we hear burgers, lasagne and other meat based products have been found to contain peanuts. Which is a bit of a choker if you bought burgers because you are allergic top peanut butter.

Just as an aside, Mrs T. and I had Findus fish fingers last night. We were shocked to hear this morning there may have been some seahorse in them.

Class Distinction and Pets

A report published last week show there are now more tropical pet fish in the UK than cats, dogs, rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs combined.

When I was young an interest in fishkeeping usually went no further than winning a goldfish at the funfair. We would take our fish home, proudly holding it’s litle plastic bag as high as we could and stopping on the way or even going out of our way to show Grandma and Grandad. Then we would put the fish in Mum’s best baking bowl, promising to buy a proper goldfish bowl with our next pocket money.

We would not feed it ant’s eggs and stuff that goldfish – like creatures would eat in the wild. Instead we would give it breadcrumbs. This made the poor goldfish so flatulent it would be zooming round its bowl like a cruise missile, powred by hyperfarts. Nobody ever got round to buying a proper goldfish bowl, pocket money was always spent on sweets, comics and Airfix kits. Sometimes an empty pickle jar was pressed into service but usually the fish did not last long enough for a pickle jar to be emptied.

Being a kind hearted soul I tried to do right by the goldfish I won for my son when he was about four. It was Saturday afternoon and the shops were open so off we went with goldfish in little plakkie bag, bought a big glass bowl a castle type thing with a hole in it to keep the fish amused and proper fish food.

Goldfish have very short memories so Thomas (my son was obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine at the Time) could swim round and on every circuit exclaim “Wow, here’s a little castle type thingy, I can have loads of fun exploring this!”

The novelty of watching a fish swim round and go “Wow, here’s a little castle type thingy, I can have loads of fun exploring this!” soon wears thing for a four year old. At that age they crave novelty, excitement and fart jokes. My grandaughter loves my favourite toy, Uncle Windy the farting gnome.

David soon tired of his fish and decided it would be more fun for him if it were to go faster. So he fetched a dessert spon from the kitchen and kept stirring it to see it whizzing round as if it was a fart powered cruise missile.

In spite of my efforts to be a kind and humane fish owner the poor fish lasted less time than it might have in an empty pickle jar.

According to last week’s report, one in ten households now own fish, with estimates for the total numbers kept in aquariums varying from 23 to 65 million. It means there are far more pet fish in the country than cats, dogs, rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs combined.

The trend has been put down to the relative ease and low cost of keeping pet fish, compared with other animals.

They are also convenient for those living in flats or who are revolted by poo.

The only area of Britain where fish are not the most popular pets is the London metropolitan area, there the Guardian reading elitists of the media professions, lawyers, arts workers and tax eater prefer to keep a Filipino.

Lib-dem-fam

Nick Clegg, we hear, is planning to rebrand the Liberal Democrats in the style of Oxfam. We can see where he is coming from, Lib Dem, Ox Fam, there’s a certain siliratity. But would it be a vote winner.

Oxfam says: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, give a man a fishing net and he can take it down the market and sell it, use some of the money to buy booze and the rest to buy some fun with a street girl, get cirhossis and an STD, die and never know hunger again.

Nick Clegg says: When David Cameron said I could be Deputy Prime Minister I got an erection.

Can’t see it being a vote winner somehow.

BTW I wonder if Oxfam have ever thought it’s eff all use giving a man a fishing net when he lives in a drought stricken region?

(OK, I’m in a Jeremy Clarkson mood today.)

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The Most Stupid Ad Campaign Eve, Probably

I went out for a walk today in the cold, cold snow.
Up through the woods, across into the Fall, then out into the next village and along the road for a short while before picking up a spur of the Trans Pennine Trail to take me back home.

It was lovely, just enough snow to be pleasant without making it hard work, not too many people about and obviously very few vehicles on the road.

But I did pass one vehicle, a bus.

And on the side of the bus was a poster of a fish in a beer glass.
It was a tropical fish, the glamour models of the submarine world, there’s not much sexy about a cod or a monkfish, but get a little Angel fish showing off her ginormous fins, wey hey.

But this was a boy fish, he was still good looking, probably would love to do Dolce and Gabbana underwear if he had something to enhance with a pair of balled up socks. Boy fish are pretty much like girl fish in that department.

I know he was a boy because of the caption on the poster.

It said,

“HE DRINKS ALL DAY BUT HE WOULD NEVER DREAM OF DRIVING.”

Well of course he would never dream of driving, he’s a fish for heaven’s sake.
Fish don’t drive, their flns wouldn’t be able to turn the steering wheel.
They don’t have any legs, let alone feet to work the pedals and they wouldn’t be able to see where they were going.

And of course, despite what Ian Flemming and the makers of all the Bond movies might wish, there is still not an effective submersible car.

You don’t see fish standing outside car showrooms drooling over the latest Porsche or Ferrari.

They don’t go home to the Missus and make conversation about how they just bumped into Halli Butt and he was telling him all about his new Ford Focus, 48 to the gallon, group 2 insurance and they gave him £2000 against that old banger he’s been driving for years.

Fish don’t drive cars because they haven’t got any roads. They just swim about wherever they want to go, and if it gets busy, well there’s loads of space in the oceans.

And of course salt water, or fresh water, doesn’t impair anyones senses, as far as I am aware.

I could drink water all day and as long as I didn’t muck up my metabolism by having too much water in my body I’d be perfectly fine to drive.

I’d also be perfectly fine to swim, just like the fish.

However if I’d had eleventeen pints of Guinness I would be fine to do neither, the alcohol would affect my co-ordination, and my sense of balance. It would cause me to lose my body heat quicker, my reaction times would be slower and my vision would be impaired. It could possibly lead to me losing control of my car or losing control of my brain, both instances resulting in possible injury or even death, either on the road or in the swimming pool.

I don’t know if anyone has ever conducted any experiments on fish to assess the effect of alcohol on their swimming abilities, but I bet they don’t do so well under the influence.
They’d probably bump into rocks, or passing ships.
They’d lose control of their float bladders and end up sitting sadly on the ocean floor bemoaning the fact that they can never make a go of it with an Angel fish, or floating on the top, trying to steal the shipping lane marker buoys or something like that.

No, all told I reckon this advertising campaign is a right load of codswallop.

The most stupid Ad campaign ever, probably.

Fish Science Says They’re Smarter Than You Think.

At Boggart Blog we have often made fun of scientists, not always fairly I admit but if life was fair it would be intolerably boring. The aforementioned scientists unfortunately have only themselves to blame. Their penchant for running to the press with stories they just have not thought through properly provides us with comedy material so rich it cannot be ignored.

We also get the feeling a lot of this science is not much more than propaganda aimed at furthering the “one world” agenda of the “progressive left.” The intention is to produce societies comprised of people who all look alike, dress alike, behave alike, think alike, eat alike and would not have the imagination to ever question authority.

The New World Order or Big Brother as this agenda is affectionately known to the well read would like us all to be Vegans because all those cow farts are pumping the greenhouse gas methane into the atmosphere. Also we suspect they have caught on to the 19th century idea that meat in the diet makes people feisty, rebellious, independent of spirit and much more likely to question orders. Thus all week they are publishing reports describing the horrors inflicted on animals by the food production industry. Today it was the turn of fish.

We have previously reported on mouse science, projects aimed at showing mice, because they can be trained to earn snacks by pushing buttons with their noses are the equals in intelligence to humans. We have also reported on science involving cows, sheep, chickens, deer and crocodiles (which can be taught to speak we’re told) and ostriches. All these are as smart and at least as sentient as humans and should be grated equal right with humans, especially the right not to be eaten.

As not being on the menu is one of the rights we humans hold dear we wonder if anybody plans to tell the lions and crocodiles about our rights?

We must leave that fascinating question for another day and move on to fish science. In order to persuade us not to eat fish scientists working for the Politically Correct Thought Police are performing the mouse trick on our aquatic friends. One much acclaimed peer reviewed academic paper sets out to explode the myth that fish are stupid and only have a three second memory span by revealing these newly discovered scientific facts from a recent study:

Fish build complex nests.

Fish make decisions individually and form monogamous relationships, (honestly hony, it wasn’t what it looked like, I squirted my sperm over your eggs but the current got hold of it and carried it down to where that rainbow trout girl with the big fins laid hers,) hunt co – operatively and use tools (have you never seen a fish wielding an axe or turning a screwdriver?)

They recognise each other as individuals and keep track of who is to be trusted and who is not (yeah, I can believe that, I was walking by a stream near where a guy was fishing with a lure only last week when two trout popped their heads out of the water and one said to the other, “See that little metallic fucker with a line attached to his dorsal fin and a hook protruding from his belly. Don’t trust him, he’s working for the humans.)

Fish form complex social hierarchies and vie for social status. The also (and remember we are quoting from the peer reviewed scientific journal Fish and Fisheries here, even Boggart Blog could not make up stuff this insane,) use Machiavellian strategies of manipulation, punishment and reconciliation.

Fish have significant long term memories (so how come they keep swallowing the bait) and are skilled in passing on knowledge (so how come they don’t tell each other how to recognise the bait?) through social networks (no self respecting fish would be without a Plaicebook or My Scales page.)

Fish even have what the paper’s author calls “long standing cultural traditions”.

Unless you are terminally gullible all of this should tell you a lot more about the scientists who wrote the paper than it does about fish.

EU To Reform Disastrous Fisheries Policy?

Madness Gone Politically Correct

The doughty campaigners of Boggart Blog have often been astounded by the sheer irrationality of many things done in the name of science or the pronouncements of “scientists.” Some of the most extreme instances of scientists demonstrating how far removed from reality they are have led us to question the sanity of the whole sub – species.

The latest thing they have come up with has left even our hardened journos gobsmacked.

It s not unreasonable to suspect the mental stability of people who spend their lives trying to make mice more intelligent, teach crocodiles to speak, molesting dumb animals in other ways or talking to dolphins but when they start thinking of their dolphon friends as real people we may be sure there are deep seated reality issues involved. What then are we to make of a new report from a team of scientists (marine zoologists we guess) who have demanded that in future dolphins be treated as “non – human persons.”

Now don’t take this the wrong way, I love dolphins. I do not think the Japanese should eat them, mammals do not belong in sushi. In my view however for humans to eat raw fish as dolphins do would be barbaric. Dolphins will only be the equal of humans when they demand their fish be served lightly grilled and accompanied by tartar sauce. I mean, what kind of human would eat raw fi…oh – um.

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How did Iceland go bankrupt – A Boggart Wickedpedia explainer

When news broke that Iceland had virtually gone bankrupt last weekend most people’s reaction was a sigh of relief. No more of those irritation Kerry Katona adverts people thought, assuming the frozen food chain had been made insolvent because Miss Katona had eaten all the fish fingers. She has in recent months certainly started to look as if she ate all the pies.

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) that is the wrong Iceland. The store you see in the high street, well more often in a low rent location just off the high street is still going strong. Kerry has not managed to eat all the taking yet. The Iceland that has been caught up in the global financial meltdown is the almost barren lump of volcanic rock in a low rent location just off Greenland.

So how did Iceland get hold of so much money to gamble in the global toxic debt derivatives markets? Apparently it is something to do with the price of fish. What has that to do with the price of fish you might well ask. Well there was a glut of toxic debt and a shortage of fish around the world. This was caused by letting the bankers meddle in the fishing industry. Nobody wanted toxic debts, everybody wanted fish.

As the submarine volcanoes around Iceland make it a place fish like to live and Icelandic property prices were cheap all the fish moved to Iceland and were followed by the financial services industry who saw a chance to make a killing (anybody can join a seal clubbing club). All the investors had to do was keep the fish in the water where Kerry Katona could not eat them and the Icelandic economy was underwritten by fish.

While the major economies floundered Iceland became the plaice to invest in. People all around the world put their money into Icelandic banks. As soon as the investors went off for a fish supper the Icelandic bankers took the money (or at least what was left of it after television presenters duffed up by Bjork had been compensated) and bought Collateralised debt obligations and other cod investment vehicles. The bottom fell out of the fish based economy and Iceland had nothing to fall back on. Not much will grow on Iceland and there are few natural resources.

It turned out an Icelandic entrepreneur named Magnus Gruntsdottir had been trading in fish futures without telling anybody that Icelandic fish have no future. They are destined at an early age to end up in fish fingers or to be laid alongside a pile of chips and sprinkled with salt and vinegar. As soon as the world markets learned this the Icelandic economy took a battering.

Fish had been everything to Iceland, they even brewed an alcoholic drink from fermented fish. This drink is unique in that when drinking wine or beer one finds the first glass enjoyable but by the seventh or eighth it is making the drinker want to throw up. The Icelandic fish liquor works the opposite was. The first sip makes people throw up but by the second glass one is so desensitised it has no effect.

We Boggart Bloggers have a feeling news of the financial crisis will seem like six glasses of fermented fish liquor by the end of this week.

Labour Minister says investors are entitled to their money from the government of Iceland in the wake of that fragment of the death of capitalism, but Conservative blogger iain Dale is on the case. Tory voting individual savers first, wasteful Labour councils nowhere.

Guardianista Frozen Cash – Arch plotter and shit stirrer Guido Fawkes remembers some smug economic pundit writing for The Guardian just a month ago recommended that with the economic crisis already panicking the markets a safe haven for punters cash was Iceland.
Good work there.