GCSE Skydiving? They call this Eddykashun.

It’s good to see the education system have decided to stop making exams as easy as falling off a wall.

At least is the conclusion one might draw from the fact that a new exam introduced by the WJEC exam board will require candidates to jump out of a plane.

Sian Spence (15) will be the first candidate to sit an O level GCSE in skydiving. The exam board is now trying to work out how to asses her. Only one thing for it chaps and chappesses, you are going to have to jump – preferably without a parachute you idiots. And give the girl an extra 5% for each one of you that loses their lunch on the way down.

Actually the exam will only cover indoor skydiving which makes it even more pointless.
H/T to Nanny Knows Best for that one)

RELATED POSTS:
Proof of dumbing down in GCSE eaxms
We don’t need no edukashun
How shite are SATS tests

Proof Of Dumbing Down In GCSE Exams

Every year as the percentage of those achieving top grades in GCSE exams continues to rise and the number of GCSEs gained by pupils continues to rise there is the usual debate about whether exams are becoming easier or kids more intelligent.

But now Boggartblog brings you the definitive proof that exams are indeed getting easier.

A young man has been sent down for two years for breaking into a house and attempting to steal a Playstation.

The robber was dubbed ‘The Brainiest Burglar in Britain’ when it was discovered that he has 17 GCSEs.

Proof of dumbing down in exams was demonstrated when it was also disclosed that he has 23 previous convictions.

Doh!

RELATED POSTS:
GCSE Skyriving? They call this eddykashun

We Don’t Need No Edukashun

Whilst the nation’s teenagers await their forthcoming exam results with baited breath, Boggartblog is able to bring you details of the government’s latest plans for ensuring that everybody gets at least 12 A* passes (or equivalent) at GCSE.

Aware of the controversy over the stress levels generated in children by the constant regimen of testing, the government has been piloting a scheme using continual assesment, where pupils are assessed as they learn instead of there being an end of year/term/module examination.
One young man who has been awarded Using Public Transport (Unit 1), which counts as 2 GCSEs in Mathematics and English, 1 GCSE in Geography and half an A level in PHSE and Citizenship, said he wasn’t even aware he’d sat the test.

He was also a bit bemused as he had been found capable of walking to the bus stop; waiting for the bus in the appropriate place and using any equipment provided for this activity, eg bus shelter, seating; and sitting on the bus and looking through the windows.

Bobby said he never looks out of the window when he is on the bus.
Boggartblog also questions the stringency of the assessment as it was not ascertained whether the bus he got on was the one that would take him where he wanted to go.

A government spokesperson clarified this by explaining that there were further units and of course an advanced unit which would cover the more taxing aspects of using public transport.

Plans for a degree level course, worth the same as a B.Sc. Hons would include subjects such as reading a timetable and booking a train ticket online.

Other skills subject to the new CALSkC (Continuous Assessment Life Skills Certificates) will include the ability to dress oneself; get shoes on the correct feet; make ones way to a place of learning, not necessarily the one the pupil is enrolled at; enter the classroom safely; identify the learning facilitators (best out of five attempts); recognise a whiteboard,(actually that’s discriminatory so it should be a board for written communication between pupils and learnig facilitators); be able to make the same mark on a piece of paper with a writing implement as a means of personal identification, note to taggers, aerosols and the walls of the building are excluded from this.

It is hoped under this new regime everybody leaving school will be secure in the knowledge that they have as many qualifications as Stephen Hawking and are thus overly equipped for the for any useful employment and therefore entitled to a life on benefits as all the jobs they are likely to be offered, in view of the fact that they can’t actually read and write, are way beneath them.

RELATED POSTS:
GCSE Skydiving? They call this education?
A Clockwork GCSE Exam Paper
A Jobless Economy
Magic Money
THE DAILY STIRRER
and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot
Ian at Authorsden

Do You Want To Touch Me?

More news from the education front.
Apparently after protests from concerned parents Gary Glitter’s Leader of the Gang has been dropped from a list of additional listening for GCSE music.

It’s not all bad news for Mr. Glitter as his single, “Do you want to touch me (there)” is going to be used in A level Sociology, Crime and Deviance.

Hairy chested manks and glitter clad paedos in the same post Sally, mind your language, the PC terrorists will be after us

Whacky Answers to GCSE questions

I ought to say I love these whacky exam question responses when they come round each year, but the truth is I have heard too many of them before to belive they are genuine.

Still as I couldn’t be arsed writing a blog today and they make me laugh, here we go.

ANSWERS TO GCSE QUESTIONS (allegedly)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.>abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts, the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.