How Drunken Monkeys Climed The Evolutionary Tree

drunken monkey

Alcohol was thought to have been first brewed by Neolithic farmers around 9,000 years ago when northern Chinese villagers made the happy discovery that fruit and honey could be fermented into an intoxicating liquor.

But new evidence suggests our ancestors had become accustomed to drinking nearly 10 million years before. So ignore those hand wringing, moanie – moanie fuddy – duddies and their ‘three thimblefuls a week makes you an alcoholic’ shit. If it wasn’t for booze we’d still be swinging around in trees. Booze culture is evolutionary

Anthropologists are now turning to the view that when primates left the trees and began walking on two feet they also started scooping up mushy, fermented fruit which was lying on the ground. And over time their bodies learned to process the ethanol present and their minds learned the meaning of “It’s party time.”.

 A team at Santa Fe College in the US studied the ADH4 gene  which enables us to produce an enzyme to break down alcohol in the body. Do not make the mistake of thinking this is linked to ADHD, ADH4 actually stands for Alcohol Deficiency Hopelessness 4 gene which is not present in miserable fuckers who never have a drink. Any primates unable to digest the fermented fruits would have died before passing on their genes, but those who could would have passed the drinking gene on to their offspring.

It was hypothesised that the booze metabolising gene did not appear until alcohol was first produced by early farmers in Asia. But researchers were amazed to observe it 10 million years earlier, at the end of the Miocene epoch.

The findings could explain why tree-dwelling orang-utans still cannot metabolize alcohol while humans, chimps and gorillas all of which are more familiar with the ground through hitting it face first while rat – arsed, can. The lesson we learn fom this is never go for a drink with an Orang Outan, they’s either get aggressive and beat the crap out of you because they are ten times stronger than an adult human male, or they’ll throw up on you, pass out and you will have to carry them home because no cabbie will take them.

Other that that, and bearing in mind another recent study showed that alcohol related illness is overstated, far more cases in the liver disease ‘pandemic’ are due to doctors overprescribing paracetamol than has been acknowledged preciously, your Boggart Bloggers advise you to get ready for a great Christmas. BRING IT ON.

Read more on this Story:

Hominid ancestors beat humans to the drinks cabinet, say boffins

Alcohol Aware
Alcohol and breast cancer risk
Alcohol minimum price fscism
Alocohol minimum price fascism
Alcohol related authoritarianism

People Who Want To Live Longer Must Let Scientists Turn Them Into Mice

A GENE that could hold the key to extending life by up to two decades has been identified.

In a breakthrough akin to finding “the fountain of youth” scientists claim they have disco9vered a gene which when switched on retards the ageing process. The gene, found in all mammals, is known to protect against age-related cell damage so people with it active will live longer, stay younger and in better health. Scientists manipulated the gene, SIRT6, in laboratory mice and found it extended their lifespan by up to 15 per cent.

Right so. And did these mice ingest any polysaturated fat or processed meats, atificial preservatives with nasty e numbers, toilet cleaner masqueading as fizzy drinks, stuff with toxic chemical added to make it last longer on supermaket shelves. Did they come into contact with lead, mercury, cadmium or any of that heavy metal shit? Were they bombarded with radiation or subjected to assaults by deadly prescription drugs. Did they work in high stress environments, have to commute to and from work on gridlocked roads? When trying to get a bit of peace and quiet did they find themselves surrounded by pestering kids demanding new trainers, hoodies, MP3 platers, smartphones and computers.

We are not told but we suspect the lab mice led pampered lives free from the stresses that affect the rest of us.

Therefore to put yet another hyperbolic claim by scientists that if we let them turn us into human / mouse hybrids they can cure all ills and make us live longe, our Boggart Blog science team will reveal how you can liver 20% longer with no mouse related experiments involved.

Just be born a member of the Royal Family.

Full story in the DOSE (dear old Sunday Express)

Just when you thought it was safe to get back in your deckchair
Scientists turn rat into a jellyfish
Scientists breakthrough in sutpidity and irrelevance
Asprin Cuts Cancer Risk Say Scientists – But They Don’t Mention The Buts
The Gods Of Copybook Headings
Intelligent Slime
Mouse Science Explains Why Peoples’ Ears Get Bigger As They Age
Mouse Science Says Booze IsGood For You
Your Shit Is Unique. News from the No Shit Sherlock school of scientific research

Gene Is Genetically Shy

Not long ago it was reported by the national press and television that geneticists had identified a gene that causes shyness in human beings. Ever since then Boggart Blog, always willing to go where mainstream media fears to tread, has been trying to secure the first interview with the reclusive gene. We though it might tell us how it works and thus help chronically shy people to have a better social life.

Sadly the gene refuses to be interviewed and wears a bag over its head to prevent photographs.

Since we first tried to contact it the gene has changed location regularly, leave it’s phone off the hook, does not carry a cellphone, uses a mailing address and has told us through friends it just wants to be left alone.

There are some genes you just can’t help.

UPDATED 10 Mar 2009:
The science lobby is making a big thing of Barack Obama’s decision to bypass congress and use an executive order to reverse George W. Bush’s ban on embryo stem cell research. Once again it is empty and vacuous gesture politics from Obama and much hype from the media. Embryo stem cell researchy, inspite of the many promises of miraculous cures from the science lobby has provided no positive results. Stem cell research using cells harvested from placenta or umbilical cord tissue or from stem cells created rom modified aduklt skin cells has given us many positive lines of research. (For more background read Much Ado About Obama and Stem Cells at Pajamas Media
So the return to embryo tem cell research offers society nothing except another opportunity for the mainstream media to big up the Obamesiah.

Unless of course there is a hidden agenda.

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