Swimming with sharks near Darwin

Most of the downmarket news media today run a story about a man who heroically dived into the sea to save some silly bint who had decided to go swimming with sharks.

The woman no doubt thought she was communing with nature and being incredibly cool and her good karma would ensure she did not come to any harm. We have no way of knowing what the sharks thought but it was probably something along the lines of “coo, goody, free snacks.”

Sharks seldom think of anything else.

But why, you might well ask (coz we did) are the media praising the man who rescued this insaniac? What he did was not heroic, what he did was a crime against humanity.

Some pundit on television asked “Why do people want to swim with sharks which are dangerous creatures, why can’t they just swim with nice, friendly dolphins that never eat humans and generally seem to like us.

Again we must take the contrarian line. Why should people be encouraged to think they have a right to hassle dolphins when the poor creatures are quite content to mind their own business and will happily amuse simple minded people by jumping through hoops for a snack.

As we have said so often before, snacks are the key to all interspecies communications involving humans.

And why, we must also ask, was this stupid woman not allowed to swim with sharks? She is grown up, she must be aware sharks have a reputation for eating people. It was her choice, the rescuer violated her human rights. To be fair to sharks we must point out that they do not really eat people because they don’t know what people are. To a shark we are all just potential snacks.

We must stop this stupid business of making heroes of guys who rescue morons from the consequences of their own folly. If people want to be eaten by sharks or internet cannibals or tigers or and other creatures that are always on the look out for a snack, if people want to throw themselves off builodings, if people want to die we should give them a chance.

Saving them only disrupts nature’s ability to keep the balance of fuckwits to sane people about right. We must let Darwinism do its work.

The world needs less arseholes NOW!

Drunken Elk In The Orchard
More animal related posts

Wonder Woman Goes Goth

The new look Wonder Woman (see below) is a bit of a contradiction. If the idea of replacing the star spangled panties, oh so 1950s scarlet bustier and the whole per playboy sexless glamour thing with something less overtly aimed at homonally charged adolescent boys who would find anything sexually alluring, the new Goth look just doesn’t hack it. Modern adolescent boys are no less hormonal but are more sophisticated than their 1950s counterparts and the little goth cutie on the right is going to directly target their fantasies.

To my experienced eye she looks much sexier. This might of course be something to do with my having dated a proto goth (or beatnik as we called them back then) for nearly a year back in 1969. I was 21 she was 34. Things like that make a big impression on a young man and I have certainly had a soft spot for goth girls since then.

If the new look has turned sterile sexless, starry-pantied Wonder Woman into a hottie vampire vixen with superpowers, what might a fashion makeover do for Superman?

For over 70 years the man of steel has unashamedly worn his red speedos over his blue tights as if to say, “I don’t care how ridiculous you think I look, I’m Superman and I can crush your skull between my thumb and forefinger so fuck right off.

For those who like to speculate about fashion trends we can’t see Superman switching to boxer shorts worn outside his trousers, that would just look naff. Nor do we recommend he wears those ridiculous knee length baggy shorts with the hanging crotch and low waistband that shows six inches of bum cleavage. Baggy, low waist shorts was a look favoured by my son and some of his friends for a while until us Dads, finding ourselves forced to be cruel to be kind had to take our boys for a pint and say “Look son I know you think silly trousers are kewel, like Niggaz With No Dress Sense or somebody but really showing arse cleavage is not the way to get laid, you just look a twunt.

No, Superman’s pants over trousers look must stay if only to remind us of the kind of chutzpah you’re going to need if called on to save the world.

As for the new Emo Wonder Woman, if she would like to come round to my house I promise her the multiple orgasms will not destroy her super powers.

Wonder Woman: Original versus New Look…

WWorig WWnew

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