Bansturbator To Win The Grand National

It’s national Bansturbator week again, the week when all the politically correct idiots gets to parade their self – righteousness to the complete and utter indifference of all the rest of us. In this week of every year they crawl out of the woodwork to demand the banning of The Grand National

The Bansturbators are of course that strange group of people who only get a tingle between their legs when they are banning activities other people enjoy. It was comical in the aftermath of the fox hunting ban which gave them a massive tingle, watching male bansturbators trying to walk when their underwear had set rock hard.

The Bansturbator of the day was on television this morning talking about how cruel it is to make horses run round a course and jump over fences. And The Grand National has is a longer course and has higher fences than any other horse race in Britain. The guy only succeeded in proving he had never been up close and personal with a horse. I have. We puny humans cannot make them do anything they don’t want to.

Then Mr. Bansturbator pulled out another ancient fallacy. The racing industry does not care about horses safety, he said, it would be different if jockeys got hurt. Three weeks ago an Irish amateur jockey, J P Macnamara was injured at Cheltenham, he will be paralysed for life. But he sustained the injury doing something he loved (amateur geddit, amo amas amat,)and chose to do being fully aware of the risks. And as I said, horses choose to race because if they decide to plant their feet nothing will shift them.

When I used to back horses there was a jumper called Vodkatini. He was what people in the trade call ‘a bit of a thinker’. Vodkatini was smarter than the average horse however, he worked out that if at the start of a race he planted his feet and let the others gallop off, they would go round the track and return to where he was. And he could join in then.

Race horses are trained but wild horses gallop and jump too. Domestic dogs chase sticks and frisbees and cats, cats kill birds and small cute creatures. Animals have fun and what they think is fun might be something we find deeply offensive. Go out to Africa, find a lion and ask what he does for fun. The answer might not be very welcome. It’s a wonder the bansturbators are not trying to ban all animals.

Personally I think we should ban all pompous twats who think they are entitled to impose their moral prejudices on everybody.

MORE FROM THE GREENTEETH STABLE

Boggart AbroadDaily Stirrer homeGreenteeth BitesBoggart BlogGreenteeth LabyrinthAuthorGatherBubblewsAuthorsdenScribd

Horsemeat scanda: Government hiding behind EU

EU regulations stopped ministers reforming horse passport system, Downing Street has claimed.

The government is trying to blame complicated European Union regulations for horse meat in our processed food, saying the rules stopped Government reforms to horse passport laws designed to help prevent horse meat illegally entering the human food chain, Downing Street has claimed.

But how would new laws have stopped burgers getting into the country illegally? Or dead horses for that matter. Criminals i.e. people who deliberately do things illegally, do not obey laws, they break them. It’s in their job description FFS.

We have our own food scandal emerging in Accrington at the moment. Not as good as the dead mother-in-law in kebabs story but good enough for a mention.

Investigative reporters for the Accrington Observer claimed traces of meat have been found in Hollland’s meat and potato pies. A spokesman for the firm said the report was sensationalist rubbish as Hollands stopped putting meat in meat and potato pies when the brontosaurus mince demanded by the original recipe became too expensive.

You couldn’t make it up

Horse meat burger expert appointed to Ireland’s equestrian sport body:

The former head of the Food Safety Authority of Ireland and outspoken commentator on the horse meat burger scandal has been appointed chairman of Horse Sport Ireland.

Professor Wall told the Irish Times that the public outrage over the horse meat scandal was evidence that “horses have a special place in Ireland”.

They do, they really do.

big-mac

If it was you, Mr. Racehorse, admit it

In case you missed Graham Norton’s show last night, our favourite sport presenter Clare Balding was talking about racehorse names that sound a bit rude if you say them quickly. Did you ever hear a horse racing commentator who didn’t talk quickly?

My favourite on the night was Hoof Hearted. Yes, that was a real horse’s name. Don’t believe be, watch this video.

Clare also mentioned a horse named Oil Beef Hooked. Presumably it’s owner was Irish.

Others that did nor make the show include: cunning stunt, hardawn, shiela blige, far canal fire, Wearthefoxhat.

Horse Sense

Horses are not large brained animals. I don’t know how big their brains are physically but they are not like dogs, marine mammals, bears, elephants, monkeys and apes. And if we humans represent the premier league of animal intelligence, horses are not even in the Slaghoughton and District Amateur Cloggers League, third division.

Horse do have good memories however. And if a creatre has a memory it can learn from experience. The horse I backed in the Cheltenham Gold Cup today certainly has.

It wasn’t a serious bet, none of the genuine contenders offered decent value so I opted for a small wager on Tidal Bay hoping he might give me a run for my money. Well I can’t not have a bet on the Gold Cup.

The horse ran as he has in every race for the past couple of years. He set off well enough but after about half a mile seemed to lose interest. On looking closdely I obseved horse and jockey were having an arguement.

By running the television replay though my computer and whacking the volume up to eleven I learned that Tidal Bay must have developed something close to human intelligence. As he began to dawdle the jockey gave him a kick and said,

“Come on, you’re letting the others get away from us.”

“Are you ‘avin’ a laff said Tidal Bay (he’s a northern horse) If we ‘ang about they’ll come round again. We can join in then.”

RELATED POSTS:
Cold Comfort – Frozen Pets The Latest Craze

Sexless In The City

Boggart Blog has never understood how television comedy Sex And The City became such a big thing. We have previously blogged about the sheer unsexiness of the characters and the small-mindedness of the producers who have sued small businesses that opened up with names like Spex And The City or Pets And The City for infringement of copyright.

But while we may throw the odd barb at publicists who try to market Sarah Jessica Parker as some uberhottie who makes all red blooded men want to eat her knickers we would draw the line at some of the things that have been said this week. And then step over it.

For example we would not stoop so low as to even repeat the remark make by a Daily Telegraph film critic who said SJP looked like a “skeletal transvestite.” You would never read anything so unkind in Boggart Blog. Nor would you catch us repeating Piers Morgan’s quip about seeing better looking winos under the arches at Charing Cross.

We should bear in mind that the lady is an actress, there is nothing in the rules that says she has to be good looking; she is not Carrie Bradshaw the character she is best known for portraying. This is a good thing as the fictional Carrie’s boyfriend is known only as big and the real Sarah is so skinny any bloke with a todger thicker than a cocktail stick would surely split her in two.

Forget that though, drama is about suspension of disbelief.

It is totally unfair to suggest, as somebody did, that Ms. Parker is the most repulsive woman in the world and we Boggart Blogger are not the kind of people who would look for cheap laughs by mocking someone’s physical appearance. Let’s look more deeply then at how SJP became known as the world’s least sexy woman.

It all seems to stem from the scene in Tim Burton’s film Ed. Wood. At one point her character asks “Do I really look like a horse?” This prompted online satire mag The Onion to say of her in 2006; “From horse face to household name.”

So does she look like a horse? Far be it from us to comment dear readers, you must decide for yourselves. But don’t offer her a carrot, she’ll have your fingers off.

Ascot Follies ( horse racing )

Ascot Follies.
Preparations for the 4:20 race at Royal Ascot (transferred to York) yesterday were disrupted when favourite Eden Rock got his dick out during the pre – race parade. Now we are not talking about some gelding politely getting enough out to enable him to have a waz in comfort, but an excited stallion with a full erection, a good two feet or more of equine schlong was swinging wildly from side to side endangering life and limb as he trotted round the parade ring… Read full Ascot Follies post here.

Royal Ascot (at York)

And if you fancy a bet

MORE new humour every day from Boggart Blog