An Important Lesson For Do Gooders

submitted by an Author Of The Storm (In the book referred to in this article a Dickensian type character refers to the heroes as ‘authors of the storm’ having confused the title of the French story ‘Orphans of the Storm.’)

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It is a major embarrassment for the UK’s Labour party, the party of elitists, academics, lawyers and the kind of people who even though they do not know you at all are certain they know what is good for you better than you do yourself.

Once upon a time the Labour Party was a truly working class movement, men with cloth caps and vowels to hard they could cut concrete and strong women with almost invisibly thin lips and megalitic arses who got into politics to campaign for equal opportunities for all.

The the do – gooders, the pious, self righteous, holier-than-thou brigade jumped on the bandwagon (well their previous territory, religion was losing popularity faster than Ken Livingstone at a Bar Mitzvah,) and suddenly The Labour Party was no longer the party of the poor, the disadvantaged and the downtrodden, but had become the party of the hand wringing, breast beating guilt addicts who CARED about the working class and were determined to help them, whether the working class wanted the kind of help on offer or not.

And now the Labour Party, which was always opposed to prejudice against any minority groups except The Conservatives and The Liberals, found itself, because the do – gooders had enshrined love of minorities as one of the movements sacred cows, in positions where it felt obliged to support two separate minority groups that were united by a deep and long lasting mutual hatred.

Thus it was that the Labour Party found itself on the horns of a dilemma over anti – semitism. The Jewish communities of London, Manchester, Leeds and Liverpool had been one of the driving forces behind the rise of the Labour Party in the first half of the twentieth century and for that reason enjoyed a special place in Labour folklore. In recent years however, the gentle, secular Judaeism practiced in European nations has been the subject of a lot of suspicion because the Zionist (Jewish nationalist) attitude of Israel and their abominable treatment of the Muslim Palestinians living in Israel had led many people, and especially many Labour hand wringers, breast beaters and do gooders to blame all Jews for the actions of Israeli extremists (in much the same way as for most of the last 2000 yeas Christians blamed all Jews for the killing of Jesus (who probably didn’t exist but if he did and if he was crucified, was killed by the Romans because Pharisaic law had blasphemers stoned, while Roman law called for seditionist to be crucified). But I digress.

So now we have half the Labour Party supporting the Palestinians and saying what a bunch of cunts the Jews are (they mean Israelis and even that is not true because it’s a generalisation,) and the other half saying we should be nice to Jews because they have been oppressed and downtrodden.

The Conservatives are happy, the Lib Dems are happy, The Greens are happy and UKIP are happy. Labour? Well they are dopey, grumpy and probably sneezy, sleepy, and bashful. George Galloway thinks he’s Doc but few agree with him.

Even though I’m not a Labour supporter (and for the benefit of those with a binary mindset, that does not mean I’m a Conservative) I’ll pass on to the party some advice from Terry Pratchett’s novel Dodger:

“Mmmm, as I recall, if you go around telling people that they are downtrodden, you tend to make two separate enemies: the people who are doing the downtreading and have no intention of stopping, and the people who are downtrodden, but nevertheless — people being who they are — don’t want to know. They can get quite nasty about it.”

So there you have it. If Labour want to be a coherent party they need to dump the self rightousness, gag the do gooders and stop siding with minorities. The ordinary people who make up the majority have rights too. There’s no way of being on the right side of the Arab / Jewish problem, they’re all Semites so whichever side you are on you are being anti semitic against one lot or the other.

(FYI:- Semites, the children of Shem son of Noah are the people of the middle east; of his other two sons, the Hamites, children of Ham, populate north African and the Japhetites (Europeans [us] are the children of Japhet. That probably does not make any sense to you, it doesn’t to me, but to a lot of people apparently, it is so important it’s worth killing for.)

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Avast Behind Shipmates It Be Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ahoy there, ye scum of scurvey laaaaandlubbers, think ‘ee old Black Jack don’t see ‘ee handing around in the shadows like a bilge rat’s bollocks. It be time to set sail across The Spanish Main and fill yer boots with doubloons and moidores. Ha – harrr bonny lads, and tell they European Union scum to heave to or we’ll keelhaul their scuppers.

Link to talklikeapirate home in case the embed frame does not work

Is Spelling Important

I see lots of arguments in threads, particularly on writers’ sites, that say spelling is not important and a lot of people are too fussy. Now though I’m quite good at spellings I do admit to being less than meticulous in proof reading my work for errors.

So is spelling important or something only pedantic people get worked up about. Look at the picture then answer my question below it (apparently it is from a short story posted online) .

AND THE QUESTION:
Did he fart a lot in bed or were there skidmarks.

ARSE!

Things in the news have been a bit heavy for a few days, ISIS and the Yazidi in Iraq, worsening tensions in Ukraine (how can they still be getting worse), HAMAS and the Israelis going at it in Gaza, Ebloa going viral in west African and even on the celebrity blogs we have the sad news of Robin Williams premature demise. He leave us a catalogue of great films but a true comic genius can never be replaced.

And then there’s all the rest of it. The economy isn’t improving because the recovery is just statistical trickery, in spite of the warmageddonists cries that three hot days showed they were right and we are all going to fry, summer seems to have come to an early end, we’re still in the EU and the Liberal Democrats have not disbanded yet.

Still, who has time to be serious? Watch this.

Bear It And Grin

There’s stupidity, there’s carelessness and there is ineptitude of such monumental proportions that is borders on genius. Now I would be the last person to assume someone who has to take a job dressing up as a Disney character was not very bright. The person could have a hundred very good reasons for accepting such employment.

On the other hand, the kind of person who signs up for the job and then fails spectacularly to live up to the job description probably deserves no sympathy. Even so we have to feel a little compassion for this dork.

bear willie

It wouldn’t be inappropriate to ask “What was he thinking because he obviously wasn’t.

Ultimate Fails Compilation

What a depressing day. George Osborne’s budget (what an inspiring speaker that man isn’t, and then Manchester United exit from the Champions League later, not that I care much but it means there will be eff all else on television. Football for the peak two hours followed by edited highlights of football later.

Still we British always have our stiff upper lip that enables us to soldier on the the face of adversity, our famous sense of humour and thanks to our Germanic ancestry, our love of Shadenfreude. Yes we shamelessly enjoy the misfortune of others. And why not?

Let’s declare today National Schadenfreude Day and celebrate it with this compilation of epic fails:

It’s worth watching all the way through.

440 pound virgin loses cherry, sends girlfriend to A & E

From our Only In America desk:

TLC is a USA Cable reality TV Channel which claims to “Open doors on extraordinry lives”. Early in 2014 TLC is launching a show called, “Sex Sent Me to the ER”. According to the New York Post the first episode will feature the story of 21-year-old virgin Gregg Casarona and his girlfriend. Whether the fact that Gregg tipped the scales at 440 pounds (almost 32 stone) had anything to do with hi being a virgin we could not say.

When Casarona looked up from the faily sized pizza he was eating one day to see that his girlfriend has stripped down to bra and panties and was waiting for him on the bed he naturally thought he had got lucky. After a little bit of kissing and touching Gregg decided it was time to go for the jackpot. He lunged forward intending to thrust his penis into a vagina for the first time but his bulk generated so much kinetic energy, his girlfriend, Jen Gerakaris, who only weighed 110 pounds, flew backwards and smashed her head against the wall.

“My initial reaction was, ‘I killed her’, he told TLC. I thought “This is my first time. And Jen is dead.”

After realizing what happened, and seeing the fear in her boyfriend’s eyes, Gerakaris decided to lighten the mood by asking, “Why’d you stop?”

“I knew he was a virgin and I honestly didn’t care. We were dating for a little while and he hadn’t put any moves on met yet so I made a move.” 22-year-old told a reporter. She was clearly impressed with his enthusiasm so perhaps she will stick around to help him work on technique.

Later Jen complained of dizziness, so Gregg took her to the local A & E. where she was treated with concussion.

If Gregg had been a bit more experience he might have though it was a good idea to use a bit of surplus lard as a lubricant.