What an arse.

Yesterday we featured a picture post of a billboard adverstising an Easter egg hunt. Anal Egg Hunt, the wording said. Cue tasteless jokes and ribald banter.

An unfortunate error you might well think, but was it? In view of this story we have to wonder just WTF was going to be happening in the course of that Anal egg hunt. Or is it a case of Some people will do anything to get in the Guinness Book Of Records.

arse-of-easter
Click image for larger view

The story of this arsehole’s stunt will not put us Boggart Bloggers off Cereme Eggs of course. We have’t touched the things since Kraft took over Cadburys and swapped the original filling for a fondant of sweetened Dairylea. (Source: Sunday Sport)

Is Spelling Important

I see lots of arguments in threads, particularly on writers’ sites, that say spelling is not important and a lot of people are too fussy. Now though I’m quite good at spellings I do admit to being less than meticulous in proof reading my work for errors.

So is spelling important or something only pedantic people get worked up about. Look at the picture then answer my question below it (apparently it is from a short story posted online) .

AND THE QUESTION:
Did he fart a lot in bed or were there skidmarks.

ARSE!

Things in the news have been a bit heavy for a few days, ISIS and the Yazidi in Iraq, worsening tensions in Ukraine (how can they still be getting worse), HAMAS and the Israelis going at it in Gaza, Ebloa going viral in west African and even on the celebrity blogs we have the sad news of Robin Williams premature demise. He leave us a catalogue of great films but a true comic genius can never be replaced.

And then there’s all the rest of it. The economy isn’t improving because the recovery is just statistical trickery, in spite of the warmageddonists cries that three hot days showed they were right and we are all going to fry, summer seems to have come to an early end, we’re still in the EU and the Liberal Democrats have not disbanded yet.

Still, who has time to be serious? Watch this.

Bear It And Grin

There’s stupidity, there’s carelessness and there is ineptitude of such monumental proportions that is borders on genius. Now I would be the last person to assume someone who has to take a job dressing up as a Disney character was not very bright. The person could have a hundred very good reasons for accepting such employment.

On the other hand, the kind of person who signs up for the job and then fails spectacularly to live up to the job description probably deserves no sympathy. Even so we have to feel a little compassion for this dork.

bear willie

It wouldn’t be inappropriate to ask “What was he thinking because he obviously wasn’t.

Ultimate Fails Compilation

What a depressing day. George Osborne’s budget (what an inspiring speaker that man isn’t, and then Manchester United exit from the Champions League later, not that I care much but it means there will be eff all else on television. Football for the peak two hours followed by edited highlights of football later.

Still we British always have our stiff upper lip that enables us to soldier on the the face of adversity, our famous sense of humour and thanks to our Germanic ancestry, our love of Shadenfreude. Yes we shamelessly enjoy the misfortune of others. And why not?

Let’s declare today National Schadenfreude Day and celebrate it with this compilation of epic fails:

It’s worth watching all the way through.

Max Was The Absolute Mini

max clifford
Max Clifford trial- getting to the nub of the matter

We are always mindful of the original purpose og Boggart Blog which was to ridicule the high and mighty. These days of course they ridicule themselves and we are more involved in reporting the news youl will not read in the papers or hear on television or radio.

Every so often however a story comes along which evokes laughter even in the most serious minded bloggers. Such a story is the trial of PR guru (Not so) Max Clifford. here’s an extract from the court report:

“…the woman (an aspiring fashion model,) one of seven alleged victims of sexual assaults by the publicist, was advised to go and see him (Clifford) in 1983, when she was about 17.

She described how Mr Clifford allegedly locked the door, groped her and tried to make her perform oral sex on him.

The court has previously heard claims that his penis is “tiny” and no more than two-and-a-half inches when erect.

The woman that at the time she thought Mr Clifford was well-endowed and his penis was very large.

“I had only seen one before, I had never seen one in that proximity and that situation,” she said.

Richard Horwell QC, defending, asked her about the issue, the woman remarked: “I have a small mouth. I do, my dentist has always said…”

This prompted laughter from the jury, which was sent out for a few minutes.

When Jurors returned they were told by judge Anthony Leonard QC: “It is inevitable in a case dealing with this sort of graphic detail that members of the jury want to burst out laughing.

“I can remember a very boring court case and we – I wasn’t a judge then – became helpless with laughter and the judge had tears in his eyes and it took over 25 minutes to recover.

“But we have got to remember that this is a court of law and we are dealing with serious allegations, and, in fairness to the witness, and the rest of the court, you have got to learn not to react to what’s happening. Can I ask you to settle down and remember where you are?”

Remember where you are? how could they forget when looking across a courtroom at “Nubber” Clifford. He can keep his millions, I’ve got something that throughout my life has brought me much more joy.

Parrot sleuth – joke

March 2, 2014

IndiaTimes has a story about a parrot that solved his owner’s murder.

“On February 20, an unknown killer murdered Neelam, the wife of Vijay Sharma, a Hindi newspaper editor.

The killer stabbed both Neelam and the family dog to death in her Balkeshwar colony home. During the homicide investigation, Sharma began to notice his parrot’s strange behavior.

Whenever Sharma’s nephew, Ashutosh Sharma Goswami, visited the house and walked past the parrot, it brooded. The rattled bird’s strange behavior aroused suspicion among family members. Sharma’s family began mentioning names in the parrot’s presence. When family members mentioned Goswami, the parrot chanted “Usne maara, Usne maara.” Which means “he has killed.”

After the family told the police of their suspicions, authorities questioned Goswami about the homicide. He admitted to robbing and killing his aunt with the help of an accomplice. Goswami killed her because she could identify him. Authorities have charged both men with murder.”

Read full story at <a href="March%202,%202014%20%20The%20India%20Times%20reported%20a%20strange%20story%20about%20a%20parrot%20that%20solved%20his%20owner's%20murder.%20On%20February%2020,%20an%20unknown%20killer%20murdered%20Neelam,%20the%20wife%20of%20Vijay%20Sharma,%20a%20Hindi%20newspaper%20editor.%20%20The%20killer%20stabbed%20both%20Neelam%20and%20the%20family%20dog%20to%20death%20in%20her%20Balkeshwar%20colony%20home.%20During%20the%20homicide%20investigation,%20Sharma%20began%20to%20notice%20his%20parrot's%20strange%20behavior.%20%20Whenever%20Sharma's%20nephew,%20Ashutosh%20Sharma%20Goswami,%20visited%20the%20house%20and%20walked%20past%20the%20parrot,%20it%20brooded.%20The%20rattled%20bird's%20strange%20behavior%20aroused%20suspicion%20among%20family%20members.%20Sharma's%20family%20began%20mentioning%20names%20in%20the%20parrot's%20presence.%20When%20family%20members%20mentioned%20Goswami,%20the%20parrot%20chanted%20…%20Read full story at India |Times

This reminds me of a story I once heard (if you’re a member of my family you know what’s coming)

A man who kept a parrot (which he had trained through repetition to say “Who is it” when anyone knocked on the door) had a problem with his heating one day, so he called a plumber who promised to come round first thing in the morning. Plumbers have their own ideas of first thing of course so the next morning the house owner held on as long as he could then had to go to work.

“I don’t want to leave a key under the mat,” the thought, “this neighbourhood has been going downhill.”

So he reasoned that if the just left the house the plumber would understand he’d had to go out and call his mobile phone.

Around midday the plumber came and knocked on the door and said “It’s the plumber, I’ve come to fix the pipes”. And a voice said “Who is it?”

And the plumber knocked again and said a bit louder, “It’s the plumber, I’ve come to fix the pipes.” and the parrot said “Who is it?” and the plumber knocked again and said “IT’S THE PLUMBER I’VE COME TO FIX THE PIPES.” and the parrot said “Who is it?” and the plumber hammered on the door and yelled

“IT’S THE PLUMBER I’VE COME TO FIX THE PIPES”

and the parrot said “Who is it?” and the plumber punched and kicked and headbuuuted the door and roared, “

IT’S THE PLUMBER I’VE COME TO FIX THE PIPES”

and the parrot said “Who is it.” And the plumber had a massive heart attack and dropped dead on the doorstep. When the owner of the house arrived home he saw the dead body on his doorstep and said, “bugger me a dead bloke, who is it?” And the parrot said, “It’s the plumber, he’s come to fix the pipes.”

Greenteeth – humour and satire

Ragnarok – Spammageddon Is Upon Us

Norse MythPicture Source: Media Cache

Ragnarok, the Viking Armageddon is almost upon us. Some plank has wasted part of their precious time on the planet calculating the date on which the final battle between the Norse Gods and the forces of darkness will take place. And it is on February 22 this year. yes folks just ten days away, only a week and a half left to eat Spam, drink beer and swive flaxen haired maidens (if you can get hold of any – if not, bleached blondes will do).

In case you didn’t know Ragnarok is the final, bloody battle between gods and heroes, and the assorted baddies or north European myth including trolls, goblins, elves (not cutesy pie ones with wings but nasty pieces of work like dragons like Nidhogg which will emerge from Nifleheim, the nether world and chew through the sapwood of Yggdrasil, the tree of life. Oh and the Midgard serpent will eat its tail.

According to that unimpeachable source the tourist brochure published by the Jorvik Viking Centre in York, Ragnarok is due in just a few days. Makes one wonder why they bothered with a brochure for the 2014 summer season when Skoll the ice wolf is going to swallow the sun and refuse to sick it up.

Ragnarok does promise to be quite a spectacle however, Angrbodr, the she demon, mother of all evil with have a really bad bout of PMT, the Earth will split open, releasing the inhabitants of Hel. As they attack the ice giants of Jotunheim come crashing over the horizon, the dead heroes of Valhalla led by Odin and his twelve berserkers and including my ancestors Erik Bloodaxe and his best mate Thorfinn Skullsplitter will rush down from heaven to fight them.

There will be – among other highlights – a giant serpent writhing out of the sea, the aforementioned Skoll eating the polar ice cap because he’s learned that swallowing the sun was an extremely bad idea, Himinhrjot the giant man eating Ox eating giant men, Garm the hellhound will escape and my favourite, a ghost ship made from toenail clippings will attack cities and villages. It all sounds like the auditions round of The X Factor.

Just like classical mythology, the Bible and Shakespeare, the Norse myths can be traced like a thread running through Western culture and yet nobody has ever thought of teaching them in schools. Not surprising in this politically correct era, all the raping, pillaging and plundering would have bleeding hearts in a right old tizzy and the goblins, elves, wizards that Wagner and the Nazis adored makes it a tad embarrassing for the rest of us to admit an interest. As J RR Tolkien said, “that bloody little ignoramus Hitler ruined the Norse myths for everyone”.

The best revenge against The Fuhrer then is to reclaim the myths he hijacked and return them to their true place in cluture. Or at least get to know them before Ragnarok. Happy swiving.

Enjoy a Viking feast with Monty Pythons Flying Circus:

Link to video: http://youtu.be/g8huXkSaL7o

RELATED POSTS:
Giant Russian Hole A Sign Of Ragnarok

Technowanks for technowankers with Google Glass?

Remember when Google Goggles ( Google Glass ) was released, the marketing hype told is its potential for improving our lives (i.e. getting Google in our faces every minute of the day, every day,) was unlimited.

One of the unlimited opportunities the new digital visual medium has opened up is the unlimited ability to consume porn. This is worrying because since the advent of video on the internet there has been a trend away from relationships and towards voyeurism and autoeroticism. And Google Goggles open up a new dimension in voyeuristic sex and auto eroticism.

Various reports of Google Glass porn apps that allow Glass wearers to virtually assume the point of view of the person partaking in sexual activities have circulated, and now a new app titled Sexandglass is taking an even more up close and (im)personal approach.

google glass orgasm
Woman having an orgasm with Google Glass. Source: Phandroid

via Phandroid.com (This site is OK but if you are easily offended do not follow their links, you might find yourself looking up somebody’s hole).
“Sex with Glass aims to allow two people, both with Google Glass, engaging in the act of sex to view their own perspective as well as the perspective of their partner through Google Glass. A third perspective can also be achieved by linking your Glass with your smartphone. Apart from opening new avenues for couples to explore their bedroom activities, Sex with Glass also allows the video of the entire partaking to be saved in the cloud for 5 hours before it is deleted”

Creators of the sexandglass app also have plans to integrate with other systems like Smart Homes and things accessible by your smartphone, like turning down the lights or starting some mood music. Apparently if somebody rings the doorbell or your mother calls on the videophone and you have to attenuate “your online erotic experience”, the session can be paused by saying “ok glass, pull out” (Oops, pardon!).

It remains to be seen if Google will try to ban Sex with Glass when it is released in the same way as they banned the MiKandi app based on the appearance of “nudity”.

Bggart Blog has already reported on the antisocial nature of Google Glass and other isolating technologies which are hailed by the scitech press as great steps forward for humanity but which in reality are just more control freakery from Nazi corporations.

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Twelvth night smile

Twelveth Night everyone – and a reminder that it is now only 355 days until we have to do it all again. Not many parties tonight I guess as it is Sunday, but I thought we could finish the holiday with a smile.

Someone sent me this picture that made me laugh. Nothing to do with Chistmas (for which we are eternally grateful, but it made me laugh. OK I know I have a sick sense of humour but … give it a chance.

Merry non Christmas everyone. Have a good one.

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link: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=508462075879453&set=a.332291776829818.78646.227089544016709&type=1