When Baby’s First Word Is ‘Moo’

Big news over the weekend was that Chinese scientists have bred genetically modified cows that, read, watch TV and complain about the price of silage give human milk.

What these guys have done in effect is produce a human / bovine hybrid.

Now you may think that’s great, another breakthrough in the quest of science to turn us all into lab rats. We at Boggart Blog know however that is it nothing to get excited about.

In the office here we are all agog with excitement as we wait for Baby Jamie to say his first word. We can’t expect future mums and dads, grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins etc. to be quite as agog when they know baby’s first word will be ‘moo.’

Is the creation of a human / bovine hybrid really an advance? Look at the staff in any local government office and you will learn that human / bovine hybrids have been around a long time.

The question is of course, do we need cows that give human milk? Isn’t it a bit pervy to be drinking human breastmilk past the age of two? I mean, we all remember the ‘Bitty’ sketches in Little Britain and how hilarious but at the same time distrurbingly creepy that was.

What is really puzzling is why the Chinese have done this. The people of south east Asia can’t metabolise milk once they get past infancy anyway so it’s hardly going to solve China’s predicted food crisis.

There may be a spin off benefit to come. If the next stage of the project breeds humans that give cows’ milk, Dave, George and Co. could get all those unmarried mothers living in council flats off benefits and into gainful employment in the dairy farming industry.

New Two Flies Rule For Chinses Toilets

Our Car Of The Year – The Toyota Schadenfreude.

Another day, another kick in the bollocks for Toyota. It turns out their much hyped Prius, the car of choice for the kind of B list celebrity who like to talk publicly of how green they are but when they have to go anywhere hire a chauffeur driven limo, as well as not being very reliable is not very green.

Some readers will have seen a viral e mail doing the rounds claiming a Hummer is greener than a Prius. That is not true but if the carbon footprint of manufacturing and disposing of batteries is factored into the equation the Prius has a more negative impact on the environment than a BMW 3 series, Volvo S40, Ford Mondeo, Honda Accord or any other similar sized car that is roomier and performs better because it does not have to haul forty five tons of battery around.

When the horribly underpowered Prius is running on its tiny petrol engine it is the 21st century equivalent of a Citroen 2 CV, the old fashioned galvanised dustbin fitted with a moped engine that despite being tiny was one of the most evilly polluting cars ever built (fun though, especially if you were trying to shag in one.) Both the Prius and the 2CV were designed specifically for the purpose of going nowhere slowly. A drive through rural France however reveals that at least the 2CV made a good chicken shed.

I could explain here why the 2CV was such a dirty little bugger but it is boring.
Many fans of the Toyota Prius are currently whining that its detractors are currently revelling in schadenfreude because we are closet climate change deniers. Not so. The glee is not at the downfall of the Toyota Prius not is it a racist reflex at the Japanese car industry having at last been revealed as less than perfect. No, it is seeing those smug, self righteous Prius owning bastards getting their come- uppance that is so satisfying. For this reason alone we would rename the car Toyota Schadenfreude and nominate it car of the year. It has captured the zeitgeist as much as the unravelling of the AGW “climate change science” commissioned by catastrophe capitalists. which we were all told was beyond questioning but which turned out to be based on made up data. Climate science is the Toyota Prius of the sciences, as soon as you hit a bump the wheels fall off.

We ordinary punters must carry on however, aware of the problems and how they will affect our lives and also aware that the people who have set themselves up as having the expertise to deal with the problems have less of a clue what to do than the little Dutch boy in the story who stuck his finger in the dyke. So far the tools they have offered us are electric cars that generate more carbon emissions than the conventional cars they will replace, depend on elements already scare and costly for their battery technology and have to be recharged every thirty yards, carbon trading schemes that will make millions for the people who are telling us how evil carbon releasing fossil fuels are and whacko ideas like V2G, a scheme to power the grid from your electric car or a proposal to pump sulphur dioxide into the upper atmosphere to create acid rain that will kill forests when we know deforestation is a contributor to climate change.

When you look at it we haven’t a chance really. Let’s have a party until doomsday.

Just Drive

More humour every day at Boggart Blog