Barcelona mayhem: Clashes with police as ‘half a million’ pro-independence supporters rally amid general strike

Amid all the huffing and puffing, supreme court meddling in politics, undemocratic behaviour of democratically elected representatives and that twunt Corbyn trying and almost succeeding in the feat of riding two horses with one arse, we have forgotten that other nations in Europe have having their own struggles over independence versus federalism, national sovereignty and mass immigration.

A huge crowd with Catalan flags has paralyzed central Barcelona as people from all across the region protested the harsh prison sentences for pro-independence leaders by the Spanish court and called for parting ways with Madrid, RT.com writes.

The police estimated that at least 525,000 turned up in the center of Barcelona, local media cited law enforcement. “Independence,”“The streets will be ours” and “Freedom to political prisoners” were among the chants heard at the massive gathering.

The rally continued more or less peacefully for a few hours, but was eventually marred by more serious violence as some of the protesters started building barricades and setting garbage containers on fire. They tossed stones and other foreign objects at the riot police, who were seen firing back – presumably using rubber bullets or other projectiles – and charging at the rioters with batons.

Some of those, involved in clashes with police, were said to be right-wing thugs, who actually oppose the Catalan independence. The footage from the scene showed people carrying Spanish national flags and giving Nazi salutes.

As night fell, some of the sites of the clashes resembled a war zone, with burning barricades, rubble everywhere and clouds of thick white smoke in the air.

Violent episodes may attract media attention, but they’re just a small part of the picture, Toni Casserras from the Catalan ‘Free People’ party told RT. The majority of the pro-independence activists believe in peaceful civil disobedience and they will keep going out into the streets.

“The protests [in Catalonia]are being sustained for several years and – despite the violence, which is applied to the protesters; despite imprisoning our leaders – people don’t give up. Protests are efficient, especially, massive protests.”

MORE on Spain’s struggles

Supreme Court On Scottish Independence

The UK’s Supreme Court, has ruled on the legal status of Scottish, that the Scottish Parliament does not have legal standing to demand the right to veto the EU Withdrawal Act.

The judgement specifically states that the Scottish Bill contravenes both the t he original devolution settlement, The Scotland Act,  and the Tory/DUP government’s recent European Union (Withdrawal) Act, which withdrew some devolved powers from the Scottish Parliament and returned them to Westminster. The Tory/DUP European Union (Withdrawal) Act Schedule 4 specified that it overruled the Scotland Act devolution settlement.


They can take our lives, but they’ll never take our deep fried Mars Bars (Picture: still from Braveheart – Wikimedia Commons)

You can read the full judgement, but the significant parts are paragraphss 47 to 65, which state clearly that neither the Scotland Act nor the Sewell Convention in any way limits the power of the UK Parliament to legislate for Scotland, even in devolved areas, without any need for consent from Scottish ministers or parliament. The justices specifically explain that London ministers have complete power under the Scotland Act, without needing consent from the Scottish Parliament or further endorsement from the Westminster parliament, to impose secondary legislation on Scotland.

The Supreme Court said in its press release for the media:

What is the effect of the UK Withdrawal Act on the legislative competence of the Scottish Parliament in relation to the Scottish Bill? The UK Withdrawal Act is not a reserved matter but it is protected against modification under Schedule 4 [99]. Several provisions of the Scottish Bill in whole or in part amount to modifications of the UK Withdrawal Act. These are: section 2(2) [101]; section 5 [102]; section 7(2)(b) and 7(3) [103-104]; section 8(2) [105]; section 9A [106]; section 9B [107]; section 10(2), 10(3)(a) and 10(4)(a) [108-110]; section 11 [111-113]; section 13B, section 14, section 14A, section 15, section 16, section 19(1) and section 22 (to the extent that these provisions relate to section 11) [114-118, 120-121]; section 26A(6) [122]; and section 33 and Schedule 1 paragraphs 11(a) and 16 [123-124].

The judgement reaffirms Scotland’s colonial status and the London view that the Scotland Act did not recognise any inherent Scottish rights, but rather graciously handed down from above some powers that London may change at a whim, exactly as though Scotland were an English County Council. All of which was addressed in the independence referendum of 2014, when Scottish voters heard all the philosophical arguments for full independence, weighed these against the extent to which Scotland’s economy is dependent on England, and decisively rejected independence.

Taking all this into account, the part of the judgement which states that it was not in itself outside the remit of the Scottish Parliament to pass a bill which relates solely to the domestic effects of EU withdrawal, that is utterly irrelevant in the wider scheme of things.

Incidentally it is worth noting that all the hysterical lefties currently running round screeching Trump said he’s a nationalist, that means he’s a Nazi because Hitler was a National Socialist, Gertmany’s ‘far right’ AfD are Nazis because Hitler etc.,” or  “Italy’s ‘far right’ Lega are Nazis because …” and Sweden’s ‘far right’ Sweden Democrats blah blah, because nationalism is evil.” have never uttred a word against the far left neo-stalinists of The Scottish Nationalist Party. Just thought I’d mention that because recently I’d had some very amusing exchanges with liberals and lefties for pointing out that if you say all Nationalism is evil because Trump and Hitler are nationalists, then you are saying Gandhi and the Dalai Lama are evil because they are also nationalists.

Liberals and lefties don’t have very good literacy skills because they unanimously say, “But you can’t compare Gandhi to Hitler …”

I’m not comparing of course, I’m contrasting, in the hope (a forlorn hope in the case of brainwashed liberals and lefties perhaps, that readers who do not already understand that nationalism is not specifically about invading Poland or exerminating ethic minorities. Nationalist, like liberal, can only ever be loosely defined.

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Spain’s Leaders Prepare “Nuclear Option” As Protesters Rage Against Independence For Catalonia

 

the daily stirrer

 

A week on from the historic Catalan Independence Referendum result opened a new front in the war between the European Union’s bureaucratic dictatorship and the general population who are coalescing behind various nationalist and secessionist movements, tens of thousands of people took to the streets of Catalonia’s capital Barcelona on Sunday in what looked like a staged protest by the people of Spain against any unilateral declaration of independence by the already semi-autonomous Catalan region. According to Reuters the protests showed “how divided the region is on the issue.”

We should bear in mind of course that Reuters is a press agency and often reports only information contained in official government press releases. There are fears in Brussels and throughout European capitals among politicians who favour political integration of the twenty seven EU member states that should the Catalonia secession movement succeed it will lead to a spate of similar actions in other nations where prosperous regions are being hit by EU immigration policies and the suffocating layers of bureaucracy that are suppressing business growth and hitting living standards.

In fact the region is surprisingly united in its support for the creation of a breakaway state. Government and EU propagandists are in no hurry to admit that however.

Last Sunday, more than 90% of the 2.3 million people who voted backed secession, according to Catalan officials. But that turnout represented only 43 percent of the region’s 5.3 million eligible voters as many opponents of independence stayed away. Many others were prevented from voting by the brutal tactics deployed by police in riot gear as they tried to carry out the wishes of central government by disrupting the vote.

In an interview with El Pais newspaper, Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy said he will consider taking the so-called “nuclear option” – i.e. suspending Catalonia’s autonomous status (article 155 of the Spanish constitution,) – as Catalan leaders escalate threats to declare independence from the country, which could culminate with a parliamentary announcement as soon as Monday.

Asked if he was ready to trigger article 155, Rajoy told El Pais newspaper: “ I am not ruling out anything that the law says. What I have to do is do things at the right time, which is the most important thing right now. The ideal situation would be to not have to take drastic solutions, but for that to happen there would have to be rectifications.”

Until this weekend, Rajoy has remained vague on whether he would use article 155 of the constitution which enables him to sack the regional government and call a local election.

Reverting back to a hardline stance, the conservative prime minister ruled out using mediators to resolve the crisis – something Puigdemont has said he is open to – and said the issue would not force a snap national election. The Prime Minister also added the government would “prevent any declaration of independence from materializing in anything”. “Spain will continue being Spain,” he said.

Rajoy reiterated that until the regional government abandons its intention to proclaim independence, no talks can take place.

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First they came for the Anglo – Celts … And I Did Not Speak Out

(via Graham Lear)

This what we at UKIP have been saying for years and if it does not frighten you then I am afraid you are all devoid of common sense.

Remember this video when you have to vote in the coming referendum on whether we stay in the European Union.

Remember also that in the last couple of years THIS European Union has foisted on everyone in these magnificent islands that we call home over 3,000 new laws that affect everyone of you.

By what authority have they managed to do this? They have managed to do this by the collusion of the very people that you voted for in the last General Election just last week. Tory, Labour, Lib Dems.

The only political party that does not and has not colluded with the European Union is the one party that all political party’s in the UK have ridiculed and that political party id UKIP. The same UKIP that 4 million very wise citizens of the UK voted for. All the rest of the citizens voted for the ones who have given over our freedom to the ones who would enslave us all.

EUROFASCISM IS COMING, BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID

American Independence Revoked

As news of the terms on which the ceasefire was agreed in Ukraine are analysed and it becomes clear that Vladimir Putin and his boys have completely out-manoeuvred the west once again, a result which is being described as anther abject failure of American leadership, we have been requested by Her Britannic majesty’s Government to circulate this message.


Image source: flickr

For the attention of all American readers of this blog:

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President and administration of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except for Utah, which she does not fancy much.) Following the election im May 2015, the new Prime Minister Mr. Farage will appoint a Secretary for America who will rule on behalf of London (that’s the capital of Britain for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) without the need for further elections in the former USA.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium”. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour’, skipping the letter ‘U’ is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter ‘Z’ (pronounced ‘zed’ not ‘zee’) and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise”. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh is pronounced ‘burruh’ e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to rename Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you can’t cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary”.

Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed”. There will be no more ‘bleeps’ in the Jerry Springer show. If you’re not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn’t have chat shows so fuck the fucking fuck off. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won’t have to use bleeps as often.

2. There is no such thing as “US English”. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize”.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents – Scottish dramas such as “Taggart” will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we’re talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is “Devon”. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become “shires” e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as “Men Behaving Badly” or “Red Dwarf” will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can’t cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness and fart jokes.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American “football”. There is only one kind of football, the one played at the WORLD cup. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve taking a time our for a rest every twenty seconds, wearing full kevlar body armour or stopping for a group hug because some twat got a grass stain on his nice white knickerbockerds, like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2015. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called “rounders” which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs but does involve a lot of screaming and giggling.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don’t believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called “Indecisive Day”.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, Jaguars or Range Rovers you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren’t even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps”. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

Here is a little rhyme to help you understand Belgium:

God’s never heard of Belgium
but loves it all the same
for God is kind, and does not mind,
he’s not impressed by fame.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer”, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager”. The substances formerly known as “American Beer” will henceforth be referred to as “Near-Frozen Knat’s Urine with HFCS”, with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as “Weak Near-Frozen Knat’s Urine”. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Budovar, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or “Gasoline” as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2015) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $10US per gallon – get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

16. Last but not the least, and for heaven’s sake…..it’s Nuclear as in “clear” NOT Nucular. Thank you for your co-operation and have a nice fucking day.

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Independent Scotland To Lose Orkney, Shetland and Oil

I don’t know whether the post I link here is satire or some serious scaremongering promoted at the last minute by Nick Camerband in a last, desperate big to save The Union.

It amused me however.

Independent Scotland will lose Orkney and Shetland

Queen Margrethe II of Denmark revives claim of right under 500 year old Udal Law to reclaim sovereignty of Shetland and Orkney Isles.

AN INDEPENDENT Scotland will have to hand back Shetland and Orkney according to Denmark’s British Ambassador.

In partnership with Norway’s King Harald V, the Danish regent Queen Margrethe II intends reviving the ancient rites of Udal Law which were ratified by the Scottish parliament in 1567.

According to Udal law, the Scottish parliament is legally bound to return the islands to Norway upon repayment of the Kalmar Union dowry following the betrothal of Margaret of Denmark to King James III of Scotland in 1468.

The Danish Queen claims to have in her possession authenticated copies of the 1575-7 Orkney & Shetland Lawbooks which allow the islands to revert to their previous territorial possession under the Kalmar Union.

Every copy of these books were believed destroyed by an agent of the Scottish crown, Patrick Stuart, around 1579.

But acclaimed Danish historian Olaf Gerritupyeson discovered copies of the books in the Soviet wartime archives in Moscow.

He believes the Nazis looted the historical lawbooks after the occupation of Denmark by the Wehrmacht in 1940 … Continue reading (h/t Graham lear for this story

    A delegation from Denmark’s diplomatic mission arrive to demand shetland back
                                                                   (Picture source)

Well I called that one wrong (there’s a first time for everything). Last week I was speculating that with a couple of recent massive oil finds occurring in what would be their territorial waters, if Scotland voted Yes, the next step would be a big by Shetland for independence.

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Will Manchester follow Scotland in demanding independence?

Manchester Town Hall

      Manchester Town Hall – as impressive as Westminster and is probably occupied by as many fuckwits
                                                                            (picture source)

It had to happen of course although I’m a tad surprised it wasn’t either Liverpool, Geordieland or the already semi – independent Peoples Republic Of South Yorkshire that became the first region to demand independence from the UK.

So far this blog has been silent on the Scottish referendum, none of us has a vote and we’re sure the Scots will not welcome our advice. We have in the past however expressed support for a version of devolution by blogging that the only real way to save the UK is for the rest of the country, the English regions, Scotland, Wales, Ulser and Kernow tojoin together and kick London out of Great Britain.

Don’t get me wrong, I love London. It’s bloody expensive though. You can buy a terraced house in Burnley for the price of a bagel in Chelsea.

The Manchester Evening News however has taken a different line and suggested Manchester can go it alone. feasible I suppose, I mean, what did Northamptonshire do for us? London forces up house prices in the rest of the country (except Burnley), Shropshire is … well it’s just there isn’t it, we don’t need it. Those celebrity cleaning ladies Aggie and Maggie or whatever would definitely say Shropshire is unnecessary clutter which should be binned and the all rest does not contribute much.

from The Manchester Evening News

As Scotland prepares to go to the polls, five separate reports have backed Greater Manchester breaking free from many of the strictures of Whitehall.

Greater Manchester’s economy is bigger than that of both Wales and Northern Ireland – and Manchester is the fastest growing city in the country.

More and more experts are now asking if it is now time for an independent Manchester.

As Scotland prepares to go to the polls, five separate reports have backed Greater Manchester breaking free from many of the strictures of Whitehall.

Phillip Blond, a key adviser to the Prime Minister, will step up that pressure next week.

He will say Manchester must be allowed control of ALL its public spending – from welfare to education, health to social care.

Whitehall doles out nearly three quarters of public cash in this country, yet Germany’s ministers control just a fifth of theirs. Why does London think it knows the affairs of Manchester so well – when Berlin reckons Munich or Frankfurt can decide for themselves?

The Cities Growth Commission, headed by Gatley-born economist Jim O’Neill, put it bluntly in its latest report earlier this week: London is holding Manchester back.

[ Read all ]

Can’t say I agree entirely, we’re not parochial at Boggart Blog so I’d keep Lancashire and the Lake District as it would be a pain in the arse having to go through passport control when I go to see my Dear Old Mum in Morecambe or my bother in Kendal. Otherwise it looks like a great idea.

As for the economy, well if we admit Lancashire to the republic there’s shitloads of oil under the Irish Sea in what would be our territorial waters although we might have to go to war with The Isle Of Man to secure our claim. And of course, we already export Uncle Joe’s Mintballs and Poole’s Pies to the world.

Scots Wha Hae When Wallace Bled

I was amused to read this morning that a bunch of English people who cling to celebrity because they used to be talented plus Dame Judi Dench who is still talented and Helena Bonham Carter who is still my favourite fantasy (both should know better), are now so deluded they think the Scots will be so impressed by their fame as to accept guidance from a bunch of superannuated sassernachs on which way to vote in the independence referendum.

robert the bruce defeats the english at bannokburn

from The Daily Telegraph:

Sir Mick Jagger, Dame Judi Dench and Stephen Hawking have joined hundred of celebrities, artists and public figures calling on the people of Scotland to vote to stay in the union.

Over 200 public figures from sport, cinema, television and literature have written an open letter to the people of Scotland in advance of next month’s referendum which says: “Let’s stay together”.

Other signatories include Helena Bonham Carter, the actress, Tom Daley, the Olympian, and singers Dame Vera Lynn and Sir Cliff Richard.

The letter states: “We want to let you know how very much we value our bonds of citizenship with you, and to express our hope that you will vote to renew them.

“What unites us is much greater than what divides us. Let’s stay together.”

read full article in The Daily Telegraph

Is this a sign we are importing another negative trend from the USA where at election times, endorsements from people like Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, George Clowney and Brad his name is rhyming slang count for more that the policies offered by various candidates.

Fortunately voters in the Scottish referendum are hard headed Scots, a fiercely independent people who don’t like being told what to do by anyone, especially The English.

So if the celebs letter is truly about keeping the union together it could turn out to be counter productive.

Personally I love Scotland and would be sad to see our nations divided, but I don’t expect the Scots to take any notice of me either. So here, my Scottish readers are words that will inspire you to follow your conscience and put Scotland first. And remember, the British Royal Family are successors of King James VI of Scotland, not Edward Longshanks.

Robert Bruce’s March To Bannockburn

Scots, wha hae wi’ Wallace bled,
Scots, wham Bruce has aften led,
Welcome to your gory bed,
Or to Victorie!

Now’s the day, and now’s the hour;
See the front o’ battle lour;
See approach proud Edward’s power-
Chains and Slaverie!

Wha will be a traitor knave?
Wha can fill a coward’s grave?
Wha sae base as be a Slave?
Let him turn and flee!

Wha, for Scotland’s King and Law,
Freedom’s sword will strongly draw,
Free-man stand, or Free-man fa’,
Let him on wi’ me!

By Oppression’s woes and pains!
By your Sons in servile chains!
We will drain our dearest veins,
But they shall be free!

Lay the proud Usurpers low!
Tyrants fall in every foe!
Liberty’s in every blow!-
Let us Do or Die!

More Burns poetry

Has Obama Sealed Victory For Alex Salmond’s Scottish Independence Campaign

bruce memorial
Scots, wha hae wi’ Wallace bled, Scots, wham Bruce has aftimes led;
Onward tae your gory bed, Or tae victorie!* (Picture source)

With characteristic dickheadishness, fuckwittery and a natural talent for inappropriate behaviour, the former rent boy, now President of the Entire Universe and Everything Else Besides, Barack Hussein Obama made entirely inappropriate use of the D Day commemorative ceremony to launch yet another hopelessly inept attempt to meddle in the affairs of other nations.

from The Daily Telegraph:

Barack Obama has urged Scotland to reject independence, saying the United Kingdom is better off remaining together.
Britain works “pretty well” as a “united” nation, the US President said, in major intervention in the debate over the future of Scotland.

The President reiterated his call for Britain to remain in the European Union. The commemoration of D-Day shows Europe depends on Britain for its prosperity, and the UK will lose out if it excluded, the President said.

The British people will make the “right decision” in an in-out referendum, he said.

Alex Salmond said Scotland wanted its independence like the US, borrowing the President’s 2008 election slogan to say: “Yes, we can.”

Mr Obama’s comments were entirely out of place at the memorial ceremony, but when has consideration for his hosts ever got in the way of Obama’s ego. It would be out of order for any leader of a foreign power to use a non political occasion comment on a sensitive issue.

Commenters in sections of the media supporting the “No” campaign to the campaign to keep the UK intact claimed the support of the warmonger Obama represented a major boost to their campaign.

In our view, Obama has given Alex Salmond and The Scottish Nationalist’s “Yes” campaign a huge advantage. Telling a Scot what to do is a safe and sure way to guarantee they will do the opposite. Only a naive and egocentic clown like Obama could be ignorant of this.

*Robert Burns page, The Poetry Foundation

APRIL FOOLS review 2014

Things are so dire this year that the April Fool jokes in the news papers are uniformly lame.

The Times’ spoof that the Duke of Saxony, a German tarot fooldescended from the James 1 and the Stuart dynasty, sees the prospect of Scottish independence as a chance to claim the throne of Scotland. The clue, however, lies in quotes attributed to an academic Amadan Giblean, whose name is a Gaelic translation of April Fool.

The Guardian takes its usual internationalist line, expressing hopes that Scotland will align itself with mainland Europe by switching to driving on the right, relabeling the road signs so that the M8 motorway becomes the S8 and constructing huge, spiralling “direction reversal” systems to avoid accidents when cross-border motorists become confused by the lane switch.

First Minister Alex Salmond’s head would replace that of the Queen on a pound coin named the “Salmond Sterling”, according to the Daily Telegraph’s “Flora Poli.” Really? I would think Mel Gibson’s head would be more appropriate after “freedom”.

The Daily Mail says it’s snapped a ministerial aide accidentally revealing the design for a “Scot-free Union Jack”, minus the blue of the saltire. It quotes “Avril McTickle” complaining that there’s “no constitutional need to change the flag”.

Meanwhile, away from Scotland, The Currant Bun’s Avril Fuel (you gotta spoonfeed Sun readers) reports that the Queen has approved fracking in the grounds of Buckingham Palace in a bid to reduce “rocketing” palace utility bills of £3.1m.

And the Daily Express says British farmer Ian Hatchett’s hens are laying square eggs at his “Flair Loop” farm, in Suffolk. That one is worth a groan.

One story I thought was a prank concerned a convict who has become a grandfather at 27 after the daughter he fathered when aged fourteen gave birth herself, aged only thirteen. Why did I think this true story was a joke? Well I haven’t been watching enough Jeremy Kyle obviously.

The United Nation Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) had the lamest April Fools joke this year:

Under the headline Climate Scientists Have The Courage To Tell It Like It Is the Daily Telegraph’s Geoffrey Lean tells it like it isn’t by misrepresenting as courageous, the cowardice of climate scientists in telling it exactly like the Rothchild banking cartel ordered them to.

The IPCC report care-in-the-community case Lean is waxing lyrical about is the 2,000 pages of Apocalyptic catastrophes for the next 1,000 years;
including fire and brimstone classics such as ….

Biblical scale tsunami’s rolling up the Thames, 150°C heatwaves causing fire-storms every second tuesday in London, Global famine giving rise to Mad Max style cannibal tribes throughout the UK, and finally …

Climate change derived Genetic Mutation bringing on the “end of times” Zombie Apocalypse !!

(Well OK, I might have made up a few of those)

With a concluding chapter along the lines of: repent repent ye sinners for the end days are upon us, The Great Whore Babylon riding on a seven headed beast is come among us !!! Prepare ye for The Rapture .. buy carbon credit offsets from your local Goldman Sachs broker.

Now what sort of numpty would fall for that tosh? Oh sorry Dave, Gideon, Nick, Ed …

the end of days by hieronymus boschDon’t know the title of this painting by Hieronymus Bosch but it fits the bill