If This Is Jesus being A Christian Country Is Not So Bad

While Dave Cammers is still collecting flack for saying Britain is a Christian nation, some people who hate the whining left and the nanny State might get round to thinking Christianity is not so bad, especially if they stop for a bite in a branch of The Lunchbox Laboratory. The Seattle, Washington based restaurant chain, has created a stir with its latest Easter advertisement. This week’s special is a buy one get one free deal on a Burger of the Gods.

jesus burger
D’you want relish on that joint?

That does not sound a big deal? Maybe, but because Washington State recently became only the second state to legalizemarijuana, the Lunchbox Laboratory depicted Jesus holding a joint in one hand and a burger in the other hand.

The caption states that when Jesus returns, he will seek a Burger of the Gods. Apparently, some people found the unholy parody of Jesus with a burger and a joint as blasphemous.

Restaurant owner John Schmidt said he wanted to create a buzz to attract business on a typically slow business day. He said that Easter doesn’t draw much of a burger crowd, so he turned to a little inspiration to get some people in the doors. Fair enough, but why the burger, they’re not healthy and not hip. Now if the Son Of God had held a joint in one hand and a Budweiser in the other that would have been radical.

Did Jesus Turn Out Just Fine

I wish churches would not try to be witty and amusing. Their efforts are usually twee and self conscious, try too hard to get a moral message across by disguising it was a joke, and are embarrassingly unfunny.

A case in point is the church in Canada whose gay rights obsessed pastor has found a novel way to spread its message of tolerance towards gay people. The results have gone viral, a bit like HIV.

A sign outside St. John’s Anglican Church displaying the words, “Jesus had two dads and he turned out just fine!” has been viewed over 1,000,000 times after a user of the social entertainment site Reddit posted a photo of the sign online, the Huffington Post reports.

The church’s location has been reported by US news site The Blaze as Niagara Falls, Ontario. The wife of Reverend Duncan Lyon, a member of the St John’s clergy, confirmed that the message was in front of their church.

The message appears to be taking a lead from the Gosford Anglican Church in Australia, which posted a similar message a few weeks ago.

Well American Christians and those in third world nations like Canada and Australia are not noted for having sophistcated senses of humour and many are still trying to work out why they are supposed to be offended by Carry On films.

So here’s something Boggart Blog has provided to help them understand why this God botherers stunt isn’t funny.

“I’m not an expert so correct me if I’m wrong, but I always had the impression one of these two alleged Dads was an absentee father who never paid any child support and the other a sort of stepdad who moved in with the single mother while she was pregnant. So when the family became homeless and the child was born in a cowshed he ought to have been put on social services “at risk” register.

And as we all know Jesus actually didn’t turn out very well at all. He was always giving the teacher lip at school and when grown up He went round causing riots, trashed the temple, associated with criminals and prostitutes stole a little boy’s picnic lunch and encouraged binge drinking.

If he’s supposed to be a role model for young guys is it any wonder so many end up in trouble.

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This Is Outrageous. The Deification of Obama Must Stop Now

A book just published in the USA bears the title The Gospel According To The Apostle Barack.

This is not a joke — or at least not an intentional joke. Nor is this offered in an ironic sense, as in how the media has portrayed Barack Obama. This epistle comes from a professor at Florida A&M University, who claims God told her that Barack Obama is thirteenth Apostle. Take a look at the Amazon page (linked above) if you think we are off on another Boggart Blog wind up

apostle-barack

So what has that to do with us unbelievers at Boggart Blog you might well ask. Well if that was all, I could say, “Not much” and do some cheap jokes about America, home of the deranged and the land of the crazy.

But it does not stop there, it gets worse. Boggart Blog may not believe in God but we do believe in some things. We believe in Cod which is why we are off to get a chippy tea in a couple of hours. We believe in the superiority of northern beer, and of Rugby League over Union and we believe the Beatles are the Second Coming.

So when the Barbara Thompson author of this wretched heresy also says Obama is the fifth Beatle that is just going to far.

Who is coming to the stoning?

Read a review of The Gospel according To The Apostle Barack

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Obama Is Eulogised, Marco Rubio Is Slagged Off. Yet They Said The Same Thing

It May Be The Face Of Jesus, But Its Not Staying In My House

As you all know, we here at Boggartblog are always keen on stories about the face of Jesus appearing in odd places.

Granted these usually tend to happen in the Bible Belt, Central and Southern America and Southern Europe but they do pop up in other places.

Then the finder/owner puts the cornflake, pancake, cupcake, stone, tree stump up for sale on e-bay, the furore dies down and everyone forgets about it till the next time.

But now we have a new way of dealing with the phenomena, thanks to Kenny Iddenden of Herne Bay, who really should be a southern wuss but must have some northern blood in his veins for his pragmatic reaction to removing his fridge and finding the face of Jesus in a patch of mold that was festering there.

Kenny explained, “…I thought, ‘that looks like Jesus’, so I took a photo on my mobile then wiped it off. It might look like Jesus but I’ve got three kids and can’t be doing with mold in my house.”

Way to go Kenny!

Move Over Jesus!

It appears the great deluded, or maybe it’s just the over imaginative, have moved on from finding the face of Jesus on a pancake, in the soap suds, in the dust under the bed and even in a soiled surgical dressing, eeeuw.

Rekekah Speights of Nebraska took his/her children to Maccy D’s for a 99cent McNugget Tuesday, presumably where you gets lots and lots of McNuggets for your 99 cents, more than the average American child can eat anyway because there were some left over.

Being a good citizen Speights was clearing the debris when he/she noted that one particular nugget bore a likeness to ….. George Washington!

And also being an all American citzen Speights took the nugget home, froze it and advertised it on e-bay for $300.

That’ll fund an awful lot more 99 cent McNugget Tuesdays and probably turn up a whole load of McNugget lookalikes to keep the funds rolling in.

They’ll maybe even find one with the face of Jesus on it.

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Jesus of IKEA
Oh Jesus, My Chewing Gum
Tommy Cooper Appear In A Pie
Map of the Moon found on a pancake
The Churches Are Burning

Face Of Jesus Found On Toaster

We have often regaled you with stories about the image of Jesus appearing on strange items, its the Turin Shroud syndrome of the modrn era. People will report seeing the image of Jesus in the grass clippings, the dried blood on a discarded surgical dressing, mundanely clouds or smoke and quite often foodstuffs; pancakes, prunes, omelettes, cornflakes, tortillas, rice pudding with a dollop of raspberry jam in, you name it, the face of Jesus has been deemed to be on it by some deluded soul.

And now an enterprising young person has invented a toaster that actually burns the face of Jesus onto your bread.

Isn’t that fantastic?

No more waiting around having to study anything and everything to see if you have been chosen to receive a special signal from God, you can have your Messiah and eat him every morning.

Whoo. Way to go.

Jesus Knowsley

I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again but I love television subtitles on lives shows. The simultaneous transcription software sometime throws up the most hilarious mistakes.

This morning writer Phillip Pullman was on plugging his new book The Good Man Jesus and The Scoundrel Christ. While talking about his book Pullman highlighted the dichotomy of Jesus. While modern religious writing refers to Jesus Christ he said, the gospels always refer to Jesus of Nazareth.

Now the poor old subtitling software could not find Nazareth and the closest match for the digitized sound was Knowsley. So apparently the person the gospels refer to is Jesus Knowsley. Knowsley being a suburb of Liverpool best known for its Safari Park.

So one of the mysteries of Jesus is revealed possibly by divine intervention with the computer, Jesus was in fact a scouser as everybody in Liverpool has always known.

Oh Jesus! My Chewing Gum!

As our society becomes more secular Boggartblog likes to keep you up to date with where you might find Jesus; on pancakes, on pies, down the Co-op, you know places and things modern man tends to worship.

Today Boggartblog advises you to keep an eye on your Wrigley’s after a family from Plymouth found Jesus in their Mum’s chewing gum.

The Plymouth Herald reports that Nelly Noden put her chewing gum, we are presuming mid chew, on the mantlepiece whilst she nibbled on some Pringles. Returning to the mantlepiece to reclaim the chewing gum she was amazed to find the face of Jesus looking up at her, especially as it was Good Friday.

Probably just as well she didn’t stick it on the bedpost, the poor bugger would have thought he was being crucified all over again.

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Move over Jesus

Jesus Of IKEA

It has taken us a while to catch up with this very exciting story in fact if Ian’s wife, a complete technophobe,had not made him log onto the IKEA site to order something for her we might well have missed it altogether.

Jesus has appeared in a door in the customer toilets at Ikea, Glasgow. Now if you take a look you might think this is more like Davros frm Dr. Who or one of the guys from ZZ Top after a night on the Tequila but experts assure us it is Jesus. Suspend disbelief OK.

In the past we have brought you news of Jesus popping up all over the place, in loaves of bread, chocolate cakes, sliges of toast, the head on a pint of Guinness and many more places including we are told though we don’t believe it, a funny mentalist church in the US Bible belt and most surprisingly in the acned face of a Co – Op supermarket shelf stacker.

We have also reported Elvis manifestations, not down the chip – shop as one might expect but in a Starbucks in London, a birthmak on a lap dancers bottom, the moon (sic), various comestibles and a medieval map of Shropshire.

None of these Jesus and Elvis manifestations can compare however to the apparition of Tommy Cooper in a pie which we reported a few weeks ago. Check out our Tommy Cooper story or go straight to unexplained phenomena pictures from The Daily Telegraph.

Boggart Blog always likes to be ahead of the news so we apologise to readers for this uncharacteristic lapse and will endeavour to do better in future.

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It may be the face of Jesus but it’s not staying in my house

There’s A Guy Works Down The Co-Op…….

Go back a few posts and you will come across the remarkable story of Tommy Cooper’s face appearing on a pie.
Look at the comment thread and you wil find the thoughts inevitable turn to Jesus, toast and pancakes.

Well here is something even more amazing…

The face of Jesus has appeared on one of the checkout staff in our local Co-Op!!!!

It’s true!!!!

One day he was an ordinary young man, spotty, greasy hair, shy, then overnight his complexion cleared, his hair grew, his beard sprouted and he became able to converse with all and sundry without going bright pink.

You want more proof?

Well all of a sudden the once sparse wine shelves are full to overflowing and they never seem to run out of bread even though they only ever have five loaves on the shelf. Wow!

(Note to Walrus: I fully realise that that may be two loaves but as we don’t actually teach anything to do with Jesus in schools anymore I can’t quite remember which way round it is, five loaves and two fishes or two loaves and five fishes…. perhaps I should check it on Wiki?)

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Move Over Jesus