So You’re A Believer And want To Help The Vaccine Cult beat COVID

If the headline describes you, there’a a job vacancy advertised on the Department Of Work And Pensions website that may interest you. Here’s a summary of what the role involves:

Interim Head of Asymptomatic Testing Communication

Posting date:30 March 2021
Salary:£750.00 per day
Additional salary information:per day pay range subject to IR35 status
Hours:Full time
Closing date:28 April 2021
Location:London
Company:Triumph Consultants Ltd
Job type:Temporary
Job reference:PSR 1JP00037556

Apply for this job

Summary

What’s involved with this role:

Interim Head of Asymptomatic Testing Communication – Remote working – PSR 1JP00037556

Pay rate: Up to £750 per day pay range subject to IR35 status

This is an exciting role for an experienced communications professional and offers the opportunity to work at the heart of the Department of Health. The role is a senior leadership role within the NHS Communications team and may offer the first step in developing a possible future career in a senior communication role in the Civil Service.

You will primarily be responsible for delivering a communications strategy to support the expansion of asymptomatic testing, that normalises testing as part of everyday life. The role offers the opportunity to work with a wide variety of stakeholders across the public and private sector and provide communi-cations support to our marketing campaigns.

Key responsibilities:

Work on designing, delivering and communicating policy
Undertake or commission research
Gather and analyse data and information
Develop expertise in an area, or draw on the expertise of others
Keep up to date with social, political and economic developments, and brief others on these
Provide advice to senior managers, stakeholders and decision makers
Write briefings and reports
Carry out consultations with internal and external stakeholders – including colleagues, customers, or members of the public
Work with a wide range of people and organisations, including senior managers, public office officials and members of the public. … Continue reading >>>

So basically you will be responsible for deliverring propaganda messages that make people who, evidence suggests, are naturally immune to SARS COV2 virus which causes COVID-19, persuading them that being routinely tested for a disease they are unlikely ever to suffer from is part of the new normal, by making them believe that though they have no symptoms themselves, unless they get vaccinated they must undergo unpleasant and inconvenient medical procedures to make sue they are not in a position to infect others with a disease they themselves do not have.

Yeah right!

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The Ideal Job – Or Not

Some of us might think being a wine or ber taster or a quality control tester in the johnny factory was the dream job. To someone with a sweet tooth however the job of chief oompah – loompah Sorry I promised myself no Willie Wonka jokes) cholcolate taster must have seemed like a dream coime true.

Not so for forty seven year old Angus Kennedy who had to quit his £30,000-a-year dream job when docors warned his cholesterol level was becoming “dangerously high”.

His work required him to gobble up to 2lbs of weird and wonderful goodies – like cocoa-covered ants and aphrodisiac lollipops – every day.

Manufacturers – including Mars and Nestle – relied on his experience and sophisticated palate to sample new treats ahead of production.

Father-of-five Angus would then write about the products in the trade journal Kennedy’s Confection.

We find this story a tad suspect, in fact when we learned that the chief chocolate muncher’s weight had “ballooned” to thirteen and a half stone in the space of two years we were damn sure it was made up by a committee of bansturbators.

Thirteen and a half stone is not that heavy. In fact compared to the 63 stone teenager we blogged on a few weeks ago Angus is a featherweight. But when you have politically correct idiots out there who can tell Olympic athlete Jessica Ennis she is fat, what chance to normal people have.

We think the banstirbators invented or grossly exaggerated this story as revenge fro the recent news from Australian scientists that eating chocolate is good for us.

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It’s Too Late! The Thought Police Are At The Door. Bad Taste Is Now A Crime

Thought crime is here to stay, and not just thought crime, but thoughtlessness crime, bad taste crime and wrong place at the wrong time crime. The Thought Police are on the march and soon they will control your minds. Their chief weapons are fear and surp … no, we will not do that. Thought Criminal Aidan Burley, a Conservative MP but since when was that, of itself, a crime, was sacked last week from his job as a parliamentary private secretary over “offensive and foolish” behaviour.

Mr. Burley did something the Thought Police decided some people might have been offended by had they known he’d done it which they didn’t until some creepy little snitch grassed him up and they Thought Police made sure a lot of people knew. Aidan attended a stag party where another person was dressed in a replica SS uniform. He did not wear an SS Uniform himself, he was not rubbing his crotch lasciviously against the thigh of the aforesaid wannabe SS officer, he was not leading by a chain a handcuffed girl dressed in second skin PVC and wearing a dog collar round her neck (if only).

The MP for Cannock Chase was papped and the picture published in the Mail on Sunday last week with a man dressed as a Nazi SS officer at a stag party in France.

(Can you imagine the scene in the Mail editorial office? “Ho ho, go that bastard Burley, little shit was cavorting with someone dressed as an SS Officer, he can wave goodbye to his career. Up yours, Milib … Hang on, Burley, he’s one of ours. Hold the front page! Too late, the papers are already on the streets.”

What does that mean to us? you might well ask. Well any of us who attend an event where someone else is dressed in “offensive” fancy dress is itself now “offensive and foolish”. Presumably we could be sacked from our jobs because clients / customers / colleagues mmight be offended by the fact that we were in a place where someone over whom be had no control behaved in a silly, frivolous and tasteless way, making fart noises perhaps or pretending to pick their nose and eat it while posing for a photograph.

How things have changed. In my day the only thing one could get sacked from a management job for was “Gross moral turpitude,” a catch all offence which covred everything from downloading goat porn to your computer to knobbing the junior staff. And ironically in some organisations while knobbing the junior staff was a sackable offence, not knobbing them would stall a career as it identified you as “not a team player.”

Now offending someone, or not offending anyone but doing something that might offend someone somewhere can get you sacked. no matter how trivial and inoffensive it might be. And how great a temptation too for those who would advance their interests by stabbing a rival in the back. Can you imagine the queue outside Human Resources just ahead of staff appaisals day.

“I was so hurt, he was wearing a red sweater and I’m a Chelsea fan.”

“He’s a Christian and he has grown a beard. That’s taking the piss out of Muslims.”

She has a picture of Justin Bieber on her desk,” (soory, should not have put that in, it really is offensive.)

“He was looking a Tracey’s tits a bit dirty, like.”

“She smacks her lips when she’s sucking mint imperials, it’s disgusting.”

Truly O my brothers and sisters the fifth horseman is at large; the great whore is riding the seven headed beast over everything that is sane and reasonable and the sound of the last trump is resonating around the world as civilisation is flushed down the politically correct toilet.

Nor do you even have to actually do anything offensive* yourself – you just need to be next to someone who behaving in a way that is lewd, ride or slightly “off colour”. There is no defence, if someone says they were offended or had their feelings hurt who an argue with that? Guilty of being guilty. And abject apologies don’t cut the mustard – only ritual self disembowellment will suffice by way of atonement.

We must stand up bothers and sisters and we must tell the dark forces of the new puritanism, the people who dream of a perfect world in which nobody is ever offended by anything to FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK RIGHT OFF. And then to show we mean it we should indulge in irresponsible, excessive behaviour and show poor tase and insensitivity in everything as often as possible.

*offensive can be whatever the self – righteous take a dislike to. So pretty much anything, really – including dressing up in silly costumes, wearing your wife’s skany knickers and even being a Conservative MP.

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What kind of people are breeding out there?

I’ve had a very sore shoulder this week which has meant a lot of sitting around. As my wife is a television addict sitting around with her means I see some very strange things.

One of the strangest popped up on the Jeremy Kyle show this morning.

No, not Jeremy himself, he’s strange but not Premier League strange.

The person I’m talking about, a young man who introduced himself as ‘mad dog’ athough he looked to be about six and a half stone wet through has had a dog’s face tattooed over his human(ish) features.

If you recall Young Kenny the character in Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights who had a Tiger fasce sprayed on but used car paint sprays instead of face pain, the effect was similar but a lot less professional.

But this is not facepain or even car spray which would wear off eventually, the guy had had it tatooed on. Like with non tattoo ink pushed under his skin with a needle. And it looks shite, (have to say though it’s a pity he couldn’t afford surgery to get a set of long, floppy ears attatched.)

It could be a ruse of course to beat the coalition’s plans to get the long term unemployed into jobs, who is going to employ a guy with a cold, wet, black nose. I’m exaggerating, his nose was not cold and wet but the tip of it was black. Anyway he thought the look was cool. Obviously he has not understood that old age is not an option.

Oh sorry, I almost forgot to mention the most thrilling part. Mad dog has never had a job. We, you and me, paid for his tattoo.

And there’s worse, he is a father.

What kind of people are we allowing to breed out there? One day there might be more of them than us.

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Stupid Criminal Of The Week

Just when you thought criminals could not get any dumber…

Cops had no trouble tracking down a woman who shoplifted several items from a Toronto department store. A few minutes earlier she had been interviewed for a job there and had left her CV with the manager.

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Stupid Criminal Of The Week – German Bank, Italian Doors

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The dynamite man it turned out was a bozo. He hugely miscalculated the amount of explosive needed for the bank job but also put the charge in the wrong place. The resulting explosion reduced the bank buiding to a pile of rubble. Cars and buildings a hundred metres away were damaged by the blast.

When the dust cleared the only thing still intact among the smouldering wreckage was the safe.

Anyone know how to say “You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off,” in German?

You’re Only Supposed To Blow The Bloody Doors Off” Movie clip from The Italian Job

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Political Correctness? It Makes Me Sikh, How About You?

Political Correctness gone mad is a favourite phrase of the right leaning tabloids. The case is however that when such stories are reported Political Correctness has not gone mad but is taking another goosestep along the path that leads to jackbooted authoritarianism.

The latest batch of edicts issued from the Politically Correct Thought Police HQ include forbidding Job Centres to offer job vacancies that specify “hard working” or “outgoing” individuals are needed as this discriminates against lazy bastards and miserable buggers It may also stop people ending up in jobs to which they are unsuited but heigh ho, when did people matter; its statistics that are important.

More extreme than that though is the banning in primary schools of the game hide and seek on the grounds that it may be offensive to Sikhs. The game can still be played so long as it is referred to as “Find Who’s Lost.” Personally I find that disturbing as it shows Politically Correct head teachers are more concerned about offending the religious sensibilities of a tolerant and enlightened faith that they are about making children think one of their little classmates has wandered off and been abducted by an evil paedophile.

It will only perhaps be a matter of time until the Politically Correct Thought Police realise that Sikh is a homonym of seek and order the religion to rename itself as the present name is homophobic.

Anyone know of any other homonyms (words that sound the same but have different spellings and meanings) that are likely to attract the attention of the Politically Correct Thought Police?

More humour every day at Boggart Blog