And Now, The End Is Near…

The sports pages tell us the big news in F1 is whether Lewis Hamilton wil stay at McLaren or move to Mercedes next season. Do we give a flying fuck? Lewis has shown himself to be a brilliant driver, but appears to have a bit of a character flaw leading to a lack of judgement on occasion, ergo the number of times he collided with Felipe Massa back in 2010, the lying about slowing to let Jarno Trulli pass under a yellow flag in 2009,and just this season the posting of his teammates technical data on Twitter.

Perhaps its something to do with being a very, very good driver, Michael Schumacher has seven world championships to his name but also a long list of people he has pushed off the track, Damon Hill being the most memorable as their feud simmered over the seasons. David Coulthard was on the receiving end of Schumi’s favourite manoeuvre, misjudging his breaking distance and ploughing into the back of the car in front,Jean – Eric Vergne was the latest to suffer, although Sergio Perez and Bruno Senna have both been taken out in similar fashion by Herr Schumacher.

Perhaps it is time the old Maestro realised he is past it, as he was when he came back but God loves a tryer I guess.

In football John Terry announced his decision to retire with immediate effect from international football. This doesn’t seem to have anything to do with his football skills declining or otherwise, but rather he appears to be a bit miffed with the FA.

Of course, just because he isn’t going to play for England anymore doesn’t mean you won’t see him, in full England kit, celebrating on the pitch with his former team-mates after the match.

Something Good To Be Said For Labour After All.

Readers sometimes complain that Boggart Blog is always more enthusiastic in attacking Labour than the Conservatives. There is some justification in this criticism but we have good reasons for our editorial policy. It is not that we find Conservative policies more appealing or that we think Labour’s hypocrisy in casting themselves as a party of the centre left and then governing from a position to the right of the Burmese Junta deserves to be punished.

It is not even that we think Labour are more comical than other political parties. If we based our blog on how comical people are we would be posting about Lembit Opik, Kerry Catona, John Terry and Sharon Osbourne every day.

No, we hit Labour most simply because they are in power and therefore are standing up atop the wall inviting us to hurl abuse, eggs, rotten vegetables and poo. And they can always put their cleaning bills on expenses.

That is how satire works. We target people who deserve it. People like Gregory Gallazzo for example. Gallazzo, a former Jesuit priest and now a “community organiser” (to clarify, a rabble rousers, trouble maker, shit stirrer, agitator, seditionist) is currently doing a bit of community organising in Manchester. In a previous incarnation he claims he was the community organising mentor of one Barack Hussein Obama during the putative President’s early days as a trouble maker in the Chicago political swamp when his main task was to accuse banks of racism if they showed reluctance to grant large mortgages to poorly educated, unemployed, unemployable black people.

Gallazzo is working on generating a sense of grievance among Manchester’s minorities because he does not like the Labour Party and Labour’s grip in power in Manchester relies heavily on the votes of ethic and sexual minorities.

Taking a well earned break from Community Organising Gallazzo, speaking of Manchester’s ruling party, told Boggart Blog: Labour is the most reactionary and repressive political organisation I have ever come across. The party establishment would close ranks to prevent and outsider like Barack Obama rising to power.

So you see there are some good things to be said for Labour after all.

Terry The Tiger? Or Not?

Why has Boggart Blog let the whose hilariously sordid John Terry affair and all those opportunities for puns like “you just don’t expect defenders to score that often” pass with only one brief comment from fatsally last week you might well ask.

To be honest it’s an editorial policy of ours not to report non – stories and “Footballer shags best mate’s wife is about as newsworthy as all the other stories we decided not to feature in recent weeks, among them:
Katie Price gets tits out,
Lawyer cheats client,
Politicians tell lies,
Doctor prescribes medicine,
Amy Winehouse gets drunk,
Cliff Richard stays in closet,
Dog bites man,
Dawn French eats pie.

The John Terry affair has however obsessed the type of news organisations that do not set themselves the rigorously high standards we abide by. One thing that is becoming interesting though is the similarity with the Tiger Woods scandal. You may remember world No. 1 golfer Tiger’s sex addiction gave a new dimension to the words, “Back in a couple of hours darling, I’m just going to the club to get in a quick nine holes.”

Infidelity happens, it always has and it always will so why is it newsworthy? Maybe it is because most often those whose publicists build the image of a clean living, dedicated professional and role models for the young or the people who trade on their pretensions of moral superiority are the ones that get caught with their pants down most often. The clean living sport professional like Tiger Woods, the politician who talks about family values and then is photographed wearing a bondage harness with stiletto heeled shoes and a gimp mask as he waits to be entertained by Madame Whiplash, the preacher whose hellfire and damnation sermons are undermined by his visits to a rent boy have all brought trouble on themselves.

In truth few sport pros do set themselves up as role models. Why should we assume that a talent for kicking a ball or hitting things with a stick confers some sort of obligation to be morally virtuous. Rock drummers are notorious for being the most depraved members of the band yet they hit things with sticks for a living. It is a proven fact that being physically fit boosts the libiodo so why do we expect people whose job demands that they are physically fit to be deficient in horniness hormones?

Tiger Woods, the politician and the preacher we mentioned had all cultivated their image and so deserved the public downfall. But John Terry, come on. In a profession that expects its Sunday Roast served in Agent Provocateur lingerie rather than with potatoes, cabbage and gravy his behaviour is not particularly appalling. Who says the Captain of the England football team has to be a paragon of virtue?

A Premiership player’s extra marital affairs are no more newsworthy than the gruntings of Billy the Builder and Tracey the Tesco Till Operator. They are just human beings unlike Tiger Woods who was happy to go along with a narrative that morphed him into a semi divine hero.

You may wonder what has happened with Tiger now. The last we heard he was spending time in a sex clinic. Weren’t they formerly known as brothels?