The Duchess Of Kate

Queen Ant – almost as fecund as certain members of The Royal Family (image source)

Oh effing Joy! The Duchess Of Kate has given birth. It seems hardly five minutes sing the last one was born. What a bummer that the only news to come along that can shove the election off the top of the news is even more boring.

While I’m happy for Prince William and The Duchess Of Cambridge (bit of SEO there) that they got a girl and having acquired a full set can stop now and not put us poor taxpayers to any more expense, why the ballyhoo. A woman has a baby, it’s hardly news is. After all if women didn’t have babies there wouldn’t be a human race would there.

Apparently the dear Duchess Of Kate went into hospital at 6 am this morning and popped the sprog out at 8:30.Which, were she to make a habit of giving birth with such facility, might suggest on the ascension of Willie – boy to the throne we might have to call his spouse Queen Ant rather than Queen Kate.

The Duchess Of Kate Baby Referendum Scam Exposed

What about this mornings big news story concerning The Duchess of Kate. I feel sorry for the poor cow, I really do. In this world of spin and deception think what might be behind this Royal baby boom.Just imagine, there she is sitting in the breakfast room with hubby and the child, wearing her ‘Piglet’ onesie as she enjoys her boiled egg and soldiers, when knock, knock, knock on the bloody door and in walk the three stooges, Cameron, Clegg and Miliband.

“Look Kate old girl,” they say, “there’s a bit of a constitutional crisis heading our way over this Scottish referendum whatsit. We’ve been too complacent and the plebs up there in chilly Jockoland have got wind we’ve been keeping schtumm about a couple of massive oil finds off Shetland hoping to convince them Scotland couldn’t survive economically outside the Union.

“Now they know they’ll be richer than Saudi Arabia we’re just a bit up shit creek. So we need you to lie back and think of England while Willie boy puts one in the oven. News of a Royal baby will surely unite Scots voters behind the Monarchy.”

Can’t see the Scots falling for it myself. With all that oil who needs a monarch. The ploy was so obvious Salmond was onto it before the cybersphere.

RELATED POSTS:
Secrets and oil
More satirical posts

For Crying Out Loud

The BBC have surpassed themselves. While we knew coverage of the Royal Baby would instantly descent to the level of fawning idiocy, the Beeb’s saturation news coverage of the door of a private hospital is beyond idiotic.

Do they think we are stupid enough to believe The Duchess of Kate is the first woman in the history of everything ever.

Sincerely I wish William and Kate well, as I wish all new parents well. But while most new parents (with the exception of The Beckhams, Kerry Katona and whatever chavs has been knobbing her most recently, Katie Price, footballers WAGS and any other Z list celebrity who demands my attention,) do not annoy me, like all other saturation news coverage of non events does.

But my highest level of contempt has been aroused by the silly, politically correct bitch who was on the news last night whining that the birth of William and Kate’s baby effectively means no woman, black person, gay or member of any minority can become our head of state for at least a century.” The Royal effing Family are a minority. Privileged, inbred, useless and enormously rich. Just a minute, I forgot about how the monarchy save us from President Thatcher, President Blair and President Cameron. Not entirely useless, but close.

Apart from that being so stupid it’s not even wrong, who gives a flying fuck.

Why Are The Royals Entitled To Privacy When The Rest Of Us Aren’t

Having put a link on Facebook to my last post “SHOCK HORROR The Duchess Of Kate Has Nipples” I managed to trawl up a Facebooker who is too stupid to be called a troll.

This guy (I’m not going to give him the oxygen of publicity he craves by naming him) started yelling about privacy and asing how would I like it if some perv popped out from behind a tree and pointed a camera at my daughter.

Well apart from the fact that anyone pointing a camera at our Cleo without having been invited to would soon be at the nearest hospital having said camera surgically removed from his posterior orifice. That apart, let’s get real, Kate was in no danger, she was attended by an army officer and a small army of special branch men. And the pap who snapped her paps as it were was several miles away. That’s what they have those long lenses for.

Having run out of arguments he started raving about our right to privacy. Fair enough, but we are all responsible for ourselves and anyone in the public eye who gets her tits or his knob out anywhere can expect the pictures to show up on the net. All that protects the privacy of most of us is the fact that nobody is interested in our rude bits. Anyone with a high public profile should only get their bits out un the bedroom … with the blinds drawn.

How much negative intelligence would it need for someone like The Duchess of Kate not to know the risks of getting ’em out. IQ -140 maybe? Qualifying her for the anti-MENSA.

That being the case, how stupid and detached from reality does a Facebook troll have to be to defend the right to privacy of a celeb while being so careless as to advertise his own stupidity on Facebook.

related posts:
The slow murder of democracy by mainstream media

Resistance Is Futile, You Will Be William and Kate – ed.

Having spent most of the day in the quiet seculsion of my garden in an effort to avoid the Royal Wedding or any sight of breathless reporters blethering about what the darling couple had for breakfast, which music they liked, how they both liked comon people so long as we weren’t allowed to get too near etc. I was feeling a tad knackered and so came inside. The television was on but my wife was not around so I switched off. These lasty few days we have had so much saturation coverage I was feeling more saturated than an incontinents underwear.

Thinking the hoo ha might be over in cyberspace where everything is instant and instantly forgotten I switched on the laptop to look at online news sites and see what else, if anything had been going on in the world.

If Aliens had invaded, Libya had invaded China, Lady Gaga had married Jeremy Paxman or Eric Pickles had farted it certainly wasn’t going to be reported in the mainstream media today. All I saw was:

William and Kate Get married

In desperation my eye alighted on a link labelled Pope John Paul is exhumed. This looked a bit intersting, I though. Why are they digging up the old Pope. Had he been knocking oin the lid of his coffin? Was he a drugs mule? Had he gone to his grave with the design for a secret device enabling us to talk to God concealed in his posterior orifice?

I eagerly awaited the appearance of the page.

What did I get. I got linked to yet another

William and Kate Get Married.

page.

Oh for fucks sake … I know, I screamed.

There’s Always One

Well, golly gosh, how terribly remiss of us, we haven’t offered our congratulations to Will and Kate on the announcement of their impending nuptuals.

Of course there are some people who refuse to just accept that this young couple who have been together for donkey’s years anyway have any chance of making a go of it.

On the front of one of the screaming redtops I noted a headline that somne curmudgeonly old Bishop says he’ll give them seven years.

I should think that’s round about average for any couple coming before a member of the clergy to be joined in holy matrimony these days, but I’m damn sure it ain’t what you want to hear when you have just become engaged.

Still I think every family has one, I recall one prominent member of our family stating quite categorically that Ian’s marriage wouldn’t last. Well it outlasted that old bugger as Ian clocks up 37 years in February.

My dear old Mum wasn’t that enamoured of my plans to marry, she thought my toyboy would be off with a younger woman by the time I hit 35.

Well that milestone is so far in the past I can’t even make it out, we celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary last May.

And just for the record, our siblings who received their parent’s blessing? You guessed, both divorced now (but both happily in new relationships I hasten to add.)

There you go.

Gawd bless you Will and Kate, at least you’ll make a lot of old dears very happy.

Oh and David Cameron; 13 years of Labour, not a decent royal wedding; 6 months of Consevative led coalition, the heir to the heir to the throne, woo-hoo.

RELATED POSTS:
On the imminent marriage of a former lover