That’s right, no point in voting, its a forgone conclusion following the clownish antics of other candidates Labour will hold the seat.
How can Ian say there is not much point in voting in this, the most exciting election in years? you might well ask.
Well it’s like this. The Lib Dems have been defunct in this constituency for years, ever since the Labour breakaway Dems were added to the Libs and all us old Libs left because we didn’t like Labour’s authoritarian streak. So though there is a candidate there are no canvassers, no leaflet deliverers and nobody to offer the Candidate a cup of tea when he has made the arduous drive from Skipton only to be told “This is a local constituency for local people, there’s nothing for you here.”
But surely in view of the current anti Labour mood gripping the nation the Conservatives might have chance of winning you say. Does the prospect of seeing a Labour MP tipped out not stir my blood a little?
Ahem, oh dear. The Conservatives. Accrington Conservatives…
The man who planned to win the seat for the Conservatives, councillor and Christopher Biggins Pantomime Dame lookalike Peter Britcliffe has wanted to be MP forever. He wanted it Simon, he really really wanted it, if he did not get through to the final round of voting his life would be over because nobody had ever wanted anything so much.
Well unfortunately while Dame Britcliffe was just wanting it so much he failed to notice everybody hates him. Conservative Central Office did not fail to notice however, perhaps their mole in the constituency told them of Dame Britcliffe’s gandiose but utterly loony schemes to “put Accrington on the map.” Schemes like having a HOLLYWOOD style sign saying ACCRINGTON on the hill that overlooks the town or building a repica of Maiden Castle, the great Celtic earthwork in Dorset, atop the same hill. Dame Britcliffe was sure people would come from miles around to see his “panopticon” and thus oblivious of the fact that it could only be seen from a light aircraft or while hang gliding.
The people of Accrington have not forgotten these things. Everyone thinks we’re a load of twats because of that effing milk advert without saddling us with a notice that reminds everyone to say:
“Accrington Stanley, who’re they?”
The Conservatives decided to parachute in another candidate, one who is clinically sane.
Dame Peter was not going to take this lying down. He prompltly resigned from the Conservatives election committee and threatened to stand as an Independent Conservative. All his cronies with whome he had packed the election committee and the local party management also resigned leaving the Conservative candidate without any backup team.
Eventually Panto Party Candidate Britcliffe decided not to stand, perhaps because he could not find ten people to sign his nomination form but The Conservatives like the Lib Dems have ben unable to campaign effectively.
Having said that, when I looked in on the election website of the Accrington Observer I found the Greens did not know if they had a candidate or not, the English Democrat candidate thinks he’s The Duke Of Wellington, the BNP candidate has trouble spelling his own name and the UKIP candidate does not know we lost the empire. It was a surprise therefore to see in a random poll of visitors to the site, those who could be arsed clicking the box had the Conservatives leading by 5% with Lib Dems only 2% behind Labour.
Separated at birth Peter Britcliffe and Christopher Biggins: But which is the wannabe MP and which is the Panto Dame
Christopher Biggins image from Biggins Panto
In the interests of fairness I should post a link to Peter Britcliffe as well but he’s a twat so I’m not going to.
Epitaph For New Labour