Because some people insist on reading Boggart Blog as a personal diary of our innermost thoughts and feelings rather that the spoof it is intended to be read as, can I just remind you on this article I don’t actually believe in the stuff I write here, it is satire.
Last week (the news was a tad slow in arriving) 85 female Labour Party activists descended like harpies on London for the 2009 Labour Party womens summit. You missed this inspirational and life affirming event didnt you? Shame on you all.
There is, I always feel, something deeply unappealing about female Labour activists. It is perhaps to do with their earnest demeanour, their patronising tendency to put one right should one stray off message and say something ever so slightly politically incorrect, their intensity and their irritating habit of blaming all the troubles of the world on unreconstructed middle class white men. Though there are no doubt some attractive Labour women (no names spring to mind but there must be some) for warmth and a sense of fun The Liberal Democrats have a monopoly on political hot ladies – and even theirs are only slightly warm. Find links to pictures of Lib-Dem warmies at this Boggart Blog post
When middle class white men all have to have chips implanted in our brains that override all male instincts, are regularly injected with female hormones to inhibit sexist behaviour, interest in football and a taste for full English breakfasts and are modified with a few African genes so we can all dance the world will be perfect will it not?
(Snapshot of a post Apocalyptic scene: a Politically Correct Labour Female (PCLF) and her reconstructed mate are surveying a bleak, post apocalyptic landscape hoping to find shelter, food, water and a non sexist, non racist commune to join when a band of ugly mutants appear over the skyline.
Oh darling, says the PCLF, you must save us in a non violent, right-on, politically correct way from the evil, flesh eating mutants .
But how, vis a vis their penchant for dressing in animal skins, total lack of interest in personal hygiene and grooming and their brutish obsession with extreme violence and eating anything they cant fuck I hardly think they are likely to listen to our appeals to their feminine side?
You are a man, its your job to protect your mate and her children says PCLF.
Hmm says the male who is finding his enlightened, metrosexual attitudes are not serving him well in post apocalyptic world, I guess I could reach out to them, tell them about hope and change and show them some of my dance moves. That might make them understand the advantages of sharing their space and resources with members of a superior, right – on species. If it doesnt work I dont know what I can do, theyre monsters.
Dont call them monsters, you racist bigot, thy have a right to live the lifestyle they choose and we must respect their culture and celebrate their diversity. says PCLF.
You think I exaggerate? Consider some of the ideas discussed by this conference, organised by the party that gave us such democratic and libertarian ideas as all women or all back selection lists for Labour constituency parties in safe seats to choose their candidates, deselection of sitting MPs who dare to think for themselves and 42 day detention without for people suspected of having beards or possessing equipment that could be used in the growing of beards.
One senior Labour woman told the Boggart Blog political correspondent covering the conference: I have found myself asking What would have happened last September if Lehman Brothers had been Lehman Sisters?
We can tell her they would still have gone bankrupt but the offices at Corporate HQ would have had nice curtains.
When women take on the task of talking about how to put the world to rights the assumption that in the same circumstances and given the same tools and resources as men they would be certain to do a better job is, is it not, a tad lacking in logical foundations?
There was much talk at the Labour womens conference of rebuilding the financial sector as a gender neutral zone whatever that is. The main topic to excite the PCLFs though was their idea that the recession could actually work in favour of women. As Corporations seek to make savings on executive pay they see opportunities for women executives to ascend the career ladder as they have always had to accept lower pay than men and are therefor more recruitable.
So then, after all these decades of feminist grizzling about equal pay, you would think women might acknowledge the fact that by ignoring them we were doing them a favour.
UPDATED 21 Feb 2009:
As the most influential women of the NuLab “project” whinge about how women are hardest hit by the recession let us remind you it was, was it not, New Labour with their enthusiasm for Neo-con free market policies that brought us to the current chaos. Worship of markets could only have one end as Ian’s poems Holy City and Chasing Bubbles describe.
Life’s Great Mysteries