Latest from Greenteeth Multi Media

To Hell And Back Before The Pubs Close
With religions having such a downer on sex one might think they would be in favour of drink, I mean if you drink enough you are going to be too busy choking on your own vomit to bother about shagging. In spite of that religious leaders continue to promise hell and buggeration to people who like a bevvy

Here Be Dragons
Adults in the developed nations of the west claim they are not frightened on monsters but our fears emanate from the most primitive parts of the brain. Can you really be sure there are no monsters lurking in the deep dark depths of your imagination?
KEYWORDS: monsters, dragons, medieval

Smack in the gob for sceptics ( paranormal )

This is in response to a personal message written in a sneering tone about our recent halloween posts. The writer obviously thought we take ourselves seriously.

Don’t these literally – minded people annoy us fun loving, open minded types who love to have whacky discussions down the pub about weird stuff, ghosts, aliens, the paranormal and cryptozoology. Such discussions are great fun and can go on for weeks so long as no self professed sceptic come along and spouts “course there’ no scientific evidence to support such theories.”

Of course there is no scientific evidence, that’s what makes it fun. Would you believe I had one high – minded half – wit inform me once that “Jenny Greenteeth is not an elemental spirit that dwells in stagnant water at all.”

There’s no helping people like that. But though elementals like Jenny are beyond science and the jury is still out on other cryptozoological specimens such as The Yeti, Bigfoot, Agogwe, The Honey Island Swamp Monter (honest!) and other hairy beasts from around the world, the evidence for lake monsters such as Nesie is pretty overwhelming thanks to one incident. Se a fuller list of Hairy Hominids at American Monsters.

Now when evidence for Lake Monsters is mentioned we are not talking grainy footage taken by tourists who had recently enjoyed an educational tour of the local distilleries near Loch Ness, we are talking actual physical evidence that the sceptics, those who think their interests (i.e. getting nice fat research grants) are served by insisting there is nothing science cannot explain and dissing as fake all the many things science cannot actually explain.

I want you to consider the case of the Stronsay Beast, the skeleton on a marine creature washed up on the Orkney island of Stronsay in 1808. The creature is obviously a Nessie. Not so say the “scientists”, it a basking shark. Jenny Greenteeth who knows a bit about these things says “Shark my slimy arse, if it it looks like a Nessie swims like a Nessie and smells like a Nessie, it probably is a Nessie.” Good advice.

Though the skeleton looks nothing like that of a basking shark, the sceptics still insist that is what it is. Do Guinness Book Of Records have a category for “World’s most stupid” I wonder? I mean, anyone who thinks the Stronsay Beast is a Basking Shark is off the scale stupid. Witness reports are notoriously unreliable but a skeleton is – well not flesh and blood, but pretty near.

You don’t have to accept Jenny’s word our mine, for once the Wkipedia entry is quite reliable, citing eye witness reports collaborated by contemporary newspaper and magazine articles. American Monsters website also has extensive information together with a truckload of Lake Monster stories from around the world. Surprisingly, or perhaps not to those of us who believe and disbelieve nothing, many of these stories, told by people who have never heard of Loch Ness, Scotland or Prof. Richard Dawkins, describe montrous creatures similar in appearance to Nessie and the Stronsay Beast

So much for the sceptics, Boggart Blog will continue to bring you stories on monsters, aliens, ghosts and anything we fancy. We will not tell you to believe or disbelieve of course, we will just hope you are entertained.

King Tut
King TutVampires grave discovered in Italy

Here be Dragons

If, as a child, you looked at the Mappa Mundi in Hereford Cathedral (there was a print in most schools) or any other ancient maps you may have been fascinated, as I was, by the phrase “here be dragons” which covers most of Africa. In the ocean too, the remote regions are adorned with writhing sea serpents and the legend “here be monsters”.

The world to a medieval person was a much bigger, scarier place than even to children it is now but even so monsters and dragons still scare us, King Kong, Godzilla, The Gorgon, Mrs. Ada Clogiron of No. 7 Slaghill Terrace Accrington who would never give our ball back if it went in her garden and the inhabitants of Jurassic Park are slightly scary to children and very nervous people I guess, but the monsters of the oceans still have a hold on our collective subconscious. Leviathan, Scylla, Charybdis, Grendel and others are dismissed as myth but do we really know what horrors may lurk in the depths.

The one that kept me awake at nights years ago was the Giant Squid from Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. I would lie, cover pulled over my head, imagining this fearsome creature swimming up the Shropshire Union Canal which passed our house, in order to drag me off to the abyssal depths.

The Giant Squid is believed to be the inspiration for The Kraken of Greek Myth and Lord Tennyson’s poem. How disappointing it was to learn last week these creatures weigh in at between 900 and 1000 kilograms, about a ton.
This is absolutely weedy, these days you can meet people bigger than that. But as I said, the world is a smaller and if not less scary then differently scary place than it was.