The Bastards Are At It Again – New MPs Expenses Fiddle Cover Up

In what the inimitable Guido Fawkes at Order-Order blog calls a flagrant attack on transparency and a clear attempt to cover up and keep secret the names of MPs accused of wrongdoing“, the IPSA (ironically called Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority) chair Ian Kennedy has decreed that “an MP could suffer unfair reputational damage” if the public knew they were facing an expenses investigation, ruling that the “publication of an allegation” should be prevented.

The sinister document claims “public interest in transparency must be balanced with operational needs and fairness”, concluding: “we believe that the operational and reputational damage to MPs which could be caused by the publication of allegations in advance of a substantive investigation outweighs the benefits of release.”

Guido makes a very good point about the new inquiry into MP’s expenses claims, and its plan to not name names which was quietly announced during the noise of Tory conference. He says:

“IPSA has launched a public consultation on the insidious proposals, inviting the thoughts of voters on whether or not they should be allowed to know if their MP is suspected of being a crook. They have already been condemned by Alistair Graham, former chairman of the Committee on Standards and Public Life, as retrograde, foolish and perverse”.

You can read the document here and email a submission to the consultation here “”

New proposals from the parliamentary expenses watchdog to keep secret the names of MPs facing investigation for fiddling their expenses will, we anticipate, refer only to “The Hon Member Of Duck Island” or “The Hon Member for Dredged Moat Castle”.

Our funniest post ever, The War In Syria

Now don’t get us wrong here, war is never funny. It is a brutal business and lots of people suffer and die needlessly. Mostly the wrong people.

But there are comical aspects to everything and what has us chuckling this morning is the face of this warmonger when he was told he could not go out to play his favourite game with his best friend. He looks as if he has just bitten into a turd.

camerone looks as if he has bitten into a turd as MPs vote against war.

Or the face of the man on the left as it dawns on him there will not be another war to distract from how fucked the economy is. I have seen people who were chewing a wasp look happier :))

Or this man as he hears the news from London and faces the fact that he will have to make a decision on his own without a British Prime Minister to blame and no chance of pointing fingers at The Republicans when it all goes pear shaped.

Obama told no support for war from Britain

As for the MPs, Labour, some Tories and Lib Dems and the minor party members who combined to thwart Cameron’s rush to war, well done. You have not only saved thosands of lives and shitloads of money, also you have reasserted Britain’s status as a sovereign nation and sent the world the message that we do not have to do what the American President wants.

Road Tax Cash Spent On S & M Dominatrices.

The Labour leadership, somewhat pointlessly in view of the by election result in Norwich,is mumbling threateningly about creating new road taxes on a pay per mile basis. The plan is to to punish us for using our cars rather than the public transport that does not exist any more after twelve years of Labour incompetence. Motoring organisations and lobbyists for the car industry and oil companies have pointed out that with 70% of the price of a gallon of petrol going to the government in various taxes we are already paying per mile for our driving.

Aside from bearing the burden of punitive taxation motorists have serious concerns that money from fuel taxes and vehicle excide duty is not always spent on transport related projects.

We sent our top investigative reporting team to find out where the cash that should be paying for having potholes in roads filled in is actually going. The first items of information they sent back suggest this could be a bigger scandal than the MPs expenses debacle.

How for example does the government think it can justify the £2 million bulding an S&M dungeon in the basement of Portcullis House for use of stressed out MPs in need of rest and recuperation or paying £1million in consultancy fees to “Moats R Us” for information on embarrasing items found during the cleaning of the defensive ditch at the shadow tranpost minister’s castle.

What benefit to the taxpayer can be claimed from an item invoiced as: “Very expensive presents for Barack Obama to thank him for the crappy DVDs that will not play on a British player and to guarantee Gordon gets to stand next to him for photo ops” or the £5million spent on “special projects to keep the EU sweet so Tony can be the President of Federal Europe.”

Another puzzle is £250 million compo for the rail operators because the Transport Ministry cocked up the franchise system so badly nobody knows who runs trains to where or when. At least that is sort of transport relsted though.

And while we accept £1 billion for a public enquiry into the third runway at Heathrow the matter of £75 billion for “buying off the opponents of runway three at Heathrow because we’ve already trousered the bungs to make sure it gets built.”

At the moment the government is awaiting tenders from parties interested in providing government as a managed facility. Companies led by Messrs Campbell, Clegg, Farage and Griffin are said to be interested in taking on the duties of elected government.

This looks like another story broken by Boggart Blog that will keep news organisations ready for months.

Labour MP’s Food Bill. Fat Cat or Fat Bastard. More Bad News For Consevatives. Some of the worst excesses from the MPs expenses scandal.

Lib Dems expenses claims fail to impress Even when it comes to crookedness the Liberal Democrats can’t quite live up to expectations.

From a Bag O’ Shite to a Chandelier and back How Boggart Blog forst reported the MPs expenses scandal.

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Labour MP’s Food Bill: Fat Cat or Fat Bastard. More Bad News For Conservatives.

We would like to move on from the MP’s expenses scandal, we really would but the stories that keep being revealed present satirical bloggers with such wide open goals it would be a crime to miss them (unless you are a Newcastle United striker in which case it is par for the course,)

The latest blow to Labour’s political credibility comes from chief whip and the Prime Minister’s “enforcer” Nick Brown (no relation) who, news media have revealed claimed £18,000 in unreceipted expenses for food. “Unreceipted” means he was not eating in expensive restaurants but was either pigging out on junk from fast food places or buying multiple trolleyloads of stuff down the supermarket.

How does anyone spend eighteen grand on food? Even if he only shops at Waitrose that’s a lorra scran. And how hypocritical are these people, always banging on about how evil it is to be overweight and how obesity is dragging the country towards bankruptcy. It’s not as if those greedy buggers are all borderline anorexic is it?

Still, on the plus side anyone who eats that much food would not need to claim for manure to spread on his garden.

But it is not just Labour that keep scoring own goals. With knobheads like Gloucester candidate Richard Graham the Conservatives are not home and hosed yet.

Richard posted on his website a copy of a letter sent to The Times (perhaps our resident Times reader fatsally can tell us whether it was printed exactly as written.) The message Richard sent is reproduced below: verbatim.

“For anyone aspiring to be an MP it’s been pretty depressing to see how ridiculed politicians have become. ‘You are all the same’ is the cry on the doorstep but of course we are not even if the Telegraph has unearthed a lot of bad apples, and it was reassuring yesterday and today to meet people who realised that and just want to see some honesty and hard work from their cunt.”

Queried on this Richard said he was tired when he typed the item and it should have read “councillor.”

So leaving aside the grammatical shortcomings and the intriguing reference to unearthing apples (perhaps he was thinking of pommes de terre) it remains to be established if Mr. Graham is a lousy typist or imply illiterate.

The voters of Gloucester will decide.

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BNP? You Don’t Scare Me, Na-naa na na-naa

Looking beyond the MPs expenses scandal yesterday for the first time in what seems like years I was surprised to find life is still going on out there. One story we missed were the party political broadcasts by lunatic fringe parties for the European elections.

First up where the British National Party. Their five minutes started badly:

“THIS IS A PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST BY THE BRITISH NATIONAL PARTY. DO NOT SWITCH OFF,” said a burly man in an Oi, look at my shaved head tone of voice.

Such a command only begs the response “Who’s going to stop me? Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.”

So that was all I saw of the BNP’s party political broadcast.

UKIP on the other had presented an articulate and professionally produced promotional video. This showed a much better understanding of the television medium. It’s a pity they all look like swivel – eyed mentalists.

Which leave the Greens. Aw, you just want to give them a cuddle and protect them from reality… until you get close and the smell of Patchouli puts you off.

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