Mystery illness afflicting US diplomats in Cuba -story gets more bizarre

The mystery illness or illnesses that has stricken North American diplomats in Cuba, causing symptoms ranging from hearing loss and brain injuries have become even more bizarre, with Associated Press reporting that certain symptoms were confined to specific rooms or parts of rooms in the US and Canadian Embassies.

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US Embassy in Havana, Cuba

 

Details surrounding what the White House coyly described as “health incidents” are sparse, and the causes are even less documented. All that is really known is that US diplomatic employees experienced a “variety of physical symptoms” while serving in Cuba. Some experts speculate that the symptoms are consistent with ultrasound attacks.

 

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Germany Alarmed by Aggressive NATO Stance On Ukraine
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A couple of old blokes with a plank and some rope eh?

It always amazes me that the reality deniers will grab any explanation of events no matter how ludicrous, rather that admit this happen that there is no rational ‘scientific’ explanation for. Take the mysterious crop circles that start to appear at around this time of year for example.

Up until about fifteen years ago some of the ‘rational’ explanations that people who consider themselves logical and scientific were advancing included suggesting the elaborate designs found in cornfields were caused by the mating rituals of rutting hedgehogs.

Eventually the floudering ‘rationalists’ were rescued by a couple of old twats who, following a crop circle season during which the circles had become far bigger and more complex, popped up in the press and claimed it was all their own work, done with a couple of planks, some bits of rope and a lot of scrumpy cider. And they did it just to wind up the hippy’s and new agers. The trouble was these two old blokes can be found in every real ale pub in Britain, they are always absolutely sure they know everything about everything and just as certain that nobody else knows anything about anything. A pair of smug twats in other words.

Did you really make the one below guys? Well perhaps you would like to explain how you did this with only a couple of planks and some bits of rope, all in the space of one night? And how was the rest of your trip to Italy?

crop circle
Crop Circle Formation Poirino, Italy June 21

I mean come on, let’s be realistic. Two old blokes with planks makes no more sense that rutting hedgehogs or aliens in scrumpy fuelled flying saucers.

It is no hardship to admit I don’t know how the crop circles are made, and I don’t much care if we ever find out. It may be covert government agences experimenting with directed energy beam weapons or creating electromagenetic votices, it could even be aliens as many crop circle chasers suggest. I just don’t know.

But if you are going to diss the aliens theorists, at least try to come up with something just a tiny bit more credible than old blokes with planks who can:

a) make themselves invisible
b)fly
c)work at the speed of light

Rational my arse.

The most mysterious photographs ever?

Yeah, I’m getting lazy in my old age and just importing stuff from elsewhere to Boggart Blog (actually I’m busy rebuilding my own site, decided I could not put off a switch to HTML5 any longer.

This comes from Before It’s News

In almost 200 years of photography, a few unique and occasionally mind-boggling photographs have been captured. Beginning with the Martial Spherules mystery photographed in September of 2012, HybridLibrarian counts down the 10 most mysterious photographs ever taken.

Incidentally, in the video at number Three is The Solway Firth Spacemen. Looks like Top Gear’s The Stig doing a spot of Time Travelling to me.

Life’s Greatest Mystery

Among a list published today of the great mysteries of life that puzzle us feeble humans, rubbing shoulders with conundrums like hob big is the universe, is there a god, does life have any meaning, is there a fundamental particle that holds matter together, why did Jennifer Grey have that effin’ nose job, who put the ding in rama lama ding dong, does anyone know what the Large Hadron Collider is supposed to do and who ate all the pies is the question of what do women see in Russell Brand.

Now this is not a question that has ever troubled me. Living in the north I have never met a woman who sees anything in Russell Brand. The nearest was one of my daugter’s friends who said “Sometimes he’s nearly a bit funny.”

Actually Boggart Blog though Brand had married Jonathan Ross and buggered off. Sadly not.

This question’s appearance in the list does highlight one serious issue however. That of the widening cultural divide between people to the south of that imaginary line from the Severn to the Trent.

Up in the north here we still like comedians who tell jokes. They need not have beer bellies od dinner jackets and bow ties, but we like humour to be delivered in packets that have the structure of a joke, anecdote or comic monologue.

In the south the new wave of comedian (with the exception of Jack Whitehall and Mickey Flanagan) are unfunny middle class kids who stand on stage for an hour mumbling introspectively about how they hate themselves, all their mates and relatives and their middle class background. Except for Marcus Brigstock who is just a twat.

What we have here is the tragic humour of the clown, the grotesque, the freak. Clowns are not funny, they are tragic, their faces hideous masks, their baggy trousers and oversized shoes serving only to accentuate their clumsiness and ineptitude. But a certain kind of person laughs at clowns because the clown’s tragedy is their tragedy.

In a world controlled by advertising and propaganda, the world inside the M25 for example, on Planet Metrosexual only perfection is accepatable. So everybody, and when I say everybody I think we all know I mean Guardian readers because they are so self absorbed they don’t know anyone else exists, falls short of their target. So they feel inept and clumsy because they are not perfect and they feel grotesque because they are not anorexic and they feel inadequate because they are not the CEO of Barclays Bank. And they hate themselves for all of it.

Russell Brand’s appeal to women lies in this self hatred. Self haters are prone to addiction and the self hating metrosexual women, addicted to chocolate and Chardonnay, white wine, throwing up, the gym, shopping and Sex-and-the-City identify with Russell Brand because he talkes about his self hatred and addictions, to drugs, sex, wanking, taking about his addictions, taking aboutr sex, talking about wanking and most of all his unhappiness. These silly bints think he will understand them and they can make him happy.

The women who rate Brand sexy are of a certain type (sic) I can’t see Essex girls going for Brand, they like someone with a bit more muscle. Norhern girls certainly don’t because they think all southerners are wusses.

Right so that’s Russsell Brand sorted. Next, the meaning of life.

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Bet You Think This Post Is About You

I love the names of racehorses.
Retired Sun editors must be able to have a better off than maybe retirement by making up names for racehorses.

My favourite at the moment is Mister Pointment.
I don’t know if the gee gee is any good but I always have a giggle when I see his name in the paper.

And it was this fascination with racehorses’ names that caused me to come to the conclusion that Carly Simon really did leave a big clue to Who was so vain that they probably thought that song was about them.

In today’s papers it has been revealed that Carly whispers the name David, backwards, about two and a half minutes into the song.

But trust me, that is either an additional clue or a red herring, the answer was there all the time.

All you have to do is find out who had a horse called Naturally back in the late sixties…

I hear you went up to Saratoga
And your horse Naturally won

…But Some Of Us Are Looking At The Stars…

Every now and then we will post a blog on the weirder side of life; the latest UFO sightings (Turd Nine From Outer Space) cases of Alien Abduction, reports of the Amoeba Contabulae in Did You See That, said to be the inspiration for H. P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu, the irrationalities of Big Bang theory or anything we can twist a comic thread out of.

On such occasions it is inevitable some scientific dork will turn up in the comment thread a few days later (when Google has had time to index the piece) and berate us for our gullibility in believing such unscientific nonsense. It’s stange how they always miss the fact that we are a comedy blog.

If Boggart Blog does have a motto though, it is “Same Rules Apply.” So perhaps someone can tell us why it is OK for “scientists” to spend £££millions on chasing fantasies of aliens when we are “foolish and gullible” for feigning credulity for the sake of a few jokes? Take a look at this from Today’s Guardian:

Jupiter and its moon system has been visited successively by Pioneer 10 and 11, by the two Voyager spacecraft, and by a dedicated spacecraft called Galileo. These revealed something unexpected: Europa is encased in a thick sheet of ice that seems to have fractured and been repaired, again and again. That is, it looks just like sea ice on planet Earth. The fracturing and refreezing could only happen if, under the ice, there is a liquid ocean. And water could only stay liquid so far from the sun if there is a source of energy at the core of Europa.

The fundamental requirements for life seem to be water and a source of energy. So, for more than a decade, space scientists have been tantalised by the possibility that, beyond Mars, beyond the asteroid belt, and wheeling around the second biggest object in the solar system, there could be living things, sheathed in an enormous goldfish bowl, masked by dense, self-repairing ice, the creatures of a separate genesis.
Read more of the Jupiter space exploration project in today’s Guardian Online.

OK so they are talking about sending a hugely expensive space probe into (cue stressy music) The Outer Limits of the solar system, we are talking about having a few glasses of Scrumpy Cider or Theakstons Old Peculiar, smoking a bit of herbal mixture, going out into the back garden and looking at the sky.

But other than the scale of the operation where’s the difference?

Boggart Blog UFO posts
Boggart Blog alien posts

UPDATED 25 March 2009: AND TALKING OF THE CRAZY THINGS people say or do when they are drunk or stoned, the big question in America this week is: Had Barack Obama been at the old herbal mixture when he appeared on the 60 Minutes television news magazine? Check out the video embedded in Obama’s 60 Minute High on Texas Darlin’ blog and make your own mind up. I don’t want to influence your judgement but I think if someone had handed the President a Mars Bar we all know what he would have done with it.

Solar Storm Heading Our Way

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A Plague Of Feet

There are some funny things going on in the world, unseasonal rainfall and catastrophic flooding in the American mid-west, drought in California, hoards of ravenous slugs eating our gardens in suburban Britain, strange, unpleasant smells smells hanging over Belgium (trust us: you will not love the smell of Belgium in the morning) locusts in Africa, exploding toads in Hamburg, plagues that are almost biblical in fact.
And on the coast of Canadian province, British Columbia, close to Vancouver they are afflicted by a plague of feet. Legless, bodyless human feet that is. In recent months five severed feet have been found washed up on the beaches of the province.

Now Oscar Wilde might have dismissed this by saying: “To lose one foot is unfortunate, to lose five is physically impossible. So in the absence of any evidence to suggest that a foot fetishist serial killer may be on the rampage, what could be going on?

The usual suspects in cases like this are gangland ritual executions (Luca Brazi sleeps with the socks) discarded pet crocodiles that have grown to maturity in the sewers, spontaneous human combustion and flesh eating bacteria created by a mad scientist played by John Malkovitch. Such things are possible in fiction but don’t stand up in reality.

One blogger has suggested the culprits are mud crabs imitating human behaviour by discarding the feet just as we discard feet when eating crab and lobster. Interesting idea but not very likely. Other suggestions from the blogosphere are just too silly to report.

Up to now the Vancouver office of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are baffled by this marine mystery. We are completely out of our depth, said a spokesman. A mountie might always get his man but has more difficulty apprehending his manatee it seems. At the time of writing there is no solution in sight for The Strange Case Of The Severed Feet (cue portentous chords.) which means it will surely go down in the annals of crime. Keep checking this blog for more news, we have a feeling the story of the freed feet has a long way to run yet.

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