Onesiegate

So Mr. Clegg owns up to owning a onesie, the nadir of sartorial elegance.
The alleged onesie is green and sports an Incredible Hulk motif.

The alleged onesie?

The alleged onesie indeed!

Digging deep in the best journalistic tradition espoused by Boggartblog I noticed some discrepancies in the story.

Anne Treneman, Parliamentary Sketch writer for The Times, claims the onesie question was first raised by a caller to a radio phone in.

“Harry” from Sheffield asked Little Nicky if he was a man of the people and if he owned a onesie.

Well, bearing in mind that young Nicky isn’t actually still at college and that he and his wife between them can well afford to put a shilling in the gas meter and eat something other than beans on toast I don’t really see how being a man of the people and owning a onesie are co-dependent.

According to Anne, Nick claimed he had been given a onesie but had not taken it out of the packaging.

However The Sun reports that Nick won the onesie in a Lib Dem raffle.

And funnily enough Harry from Sheffield turned oput to be a Lib Dem activist.

Hmmn.

Does this smack just a little of the Great Cornish Pasty scandal, when Dave claimed to have bought a Cornish pasty from a cornish pasty retailer at Leeds station, but later had to fudge as it was shown that there hadn’t been a cornish pasty retailer at Leeds station at the time.Perhaps there was a meeting that went something like this.

Minutes of Cabinet Meeting 07/01/13

DC. We’ve got to do something, the polls are showing us trailing with Labour out in front and Ukip coming up close on the rails.

GO. We need something to show we’re not posh boys, just ordinary people. Milliband has cornered the market on Wallace lookalikes, whilst Farage appeals to all those peole “who aren’t racist but they wouldn’t want to live next to an immigrant,” We need to have some common ground with the man in the street!

NC. We could do it through clothing. Look at how well Dave’s Sam was accepted when she wore an M&S dress.

DC. That’s a good point young Nick. Any ideas what the people are wearing, anybody?

GO. Anything from M&S will appeal to middle aged voters. Look at all the media interest when Paxo opined about their briefs.

DC. Good idea George. When I’m asked what I’m wearing I won’t mention the Saville Row suit, the Jermyn Street shirt, the Liberty silk tie or the Lobb shoes, I shall gloss that lot over and go for M&S pants!

GO. And I understand that the youngsters are quite taken with these onesie things, like romper suits for grown ups. Particularly popular with students and boy bands apparently.

DC. Well that should be right up Nick’s street then. He’s the member for Sheffield, home of two universities and Jarvis Cocker and The Arctic Monkeys. Over to you Nick.

NC. I don’t think Miriam will agree to me wearing a onesie…

DC. Well you don’t HAVE to wear it, just say you’ve got one. I’ll get the press guys set up to ask the questions at our next interviews….
“And what are you wearing today Dave?”
“Do you own a onesie, Nick”
Bob’s your uncle, we’ll be streaking ahead in the polls before you could unzip a onesie!

How Should Nick Clegg Rebrand The Lib Dems

How would you rebrand the Lib Dems? asked a headline on The Gusardian website. Nick Clegg, it seems, has brought in the rebranding advisers to boost his party’s image. read full story

So what could Nick Clegg reband his party as to help them recover from prostituting themselves to the Tories?

Ever eager to offer free advice the Boggart Blog team gave this a lot of thought then came up with ………………………………………………….. NEW LABOUR!

RELATED POSTS:
Social Mobility and Posh boy Syndrome

The Continuing Soap Saga Of A Bigot

Gillian Duffy, professional northerner, Gordon Brown’s favourite bigot and dyed in the wool posh-boy hating ‘what-about-the-workers’ chanting woman of Rochdale should have feaded into obscurity after she became a ‘celebrity’ because Gordon called her a bigot.

Mrs Duffy was not a bigot on that occasion.

Unfortunately she has lost any credibility she had bey becoming Rochdale Labour Party’s attack dog.

Boring?
Yeah. It was mildly amusing when she ambushed Nick Clegg this week. The exchange would have been funny if Mrs Duffy had showed any signs of understanding the issues she challenged him on.

It became amusing in an ironic sense when the local Labour MP tried to deny that he had used Mrs Duffy in an attempt to embarrass cry baby Clegg. Fortunately Nick is a real posh boy and too well brought up to call anyone a bigot while the media are anywhere near so he didn’t fall for the trap.

The story really descended into farce however, or tragedy depending on your point of view, when it emerged today that Mrs. Duffy not only hangs around Labour MPs offering her services as a cruise missile to aim at coalition ministers but that she has a PR firm working for her.

Are we really that desperate?

How to be a bigot

There Is Hope For The Labour Party – They’re Doing Jokes.

One of the things that pisses people off about the Labour party is the humourlessness. But there are signs the morally superior people’s party has seen the error ot its ways.

Kudos to Douglas Alexander who after Wednesday’s savaging of Nick Clegg by Harriet Harperson at Deputy Leasders’ Question Time when Cleggie was hoist by his own tuition fees petard told the reporters that the Deputy Prime Minister’s answerphone message should say: “Please speak after the high moral tone.”…

Keep up with the controversial issues at The Daily Stirrer
Epitaph for Labour
Labour Demands Equal Rights For Toothpaste

Who Is Nick Clegg Morphing Into?

I’m getting seriously worried about Nick Clegg. There was always something of the arrested adolescent about him but recently his performances had taken on the aura of a young lad who doen’t have many friends and spends too much time alone in the shed at the end of his Mum’s garden.

Nick is not shaping up like a deputy Prime Minister at all. Deputy Prime Ministers, according to Parliamentary precendent, are supposed to punch people and eat pies.

lord-of-the-piesA Typical Deputy Prime Minister

Young Nick however is more interested in working out world domination schemes on a piece of paper. Yesterday he stood before Parliament and revealed how he plans to put the Great back in Great Britain using only the Alternative Vote referendum, a photograph of Mrs. Merton, a plastic lettuce and a replica of The Queen’s teeth.

Nick’s plans are big on ambition but a tad short on detail. Detail like how he is going to get a nation of people who know all politicians are crooks and liars and can’t be arsed voting in a General election that will affect their income, how much tax they pay and whether they have any jobs, electricity, gas or water to turn out and vote for a change in a voting system they don’t take part in anyway.

Nick has not spent a lot of time on trivia like that. He’s very enthusiastic about Alternative Votes and assumes every one else is too. So he sits in his Mum’s shed every day and works out how his army of Alternative Votes will advance into Labour heartlands like Timperley and win an overall majority for the Lib Dems.

Now who does he remind you of in this new photo?

2008-Frank-Sidebottom-pos-008
Nick Clegg looking pensive as he contemplates electoral reform.

Dearest Nick

The press is awash today with the news that the outgoing, or as it should now be, the outgone, Chief Secretary to The Treasury, Sir Liam Byrne, left a note for his successor saying, quite succinctly we feel,
“I’m afraid there is no money. Kind regards – and good luck!”

Boggartblog can now reveal the note left in the Deputy Prime Minister’s office f.a.o. NIck Clegg.

Dearest Nick,

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now I need a place to hide away, as you and your fancy boy posh school friend have decided to shack up in my house.

Words can not express how much you meant to me….a last chance to cling on to power would only be the starting point.

In a little while from now, if I’m not feeling any less sour, I promise myself to treat myself and visit a nearby tower and make arrangements for that toffee nosed usurper to be flung into the dungeons! Ah, if only…

Late last night I took a walk outside your (my) house. All the blinds were pulled down low, way down tight, saw two silhouettes on the shade, oh what a lovely couple you made…. spew, vomit.

Ach, I don’t think I’m doing this very well but don’t worry dearest Nick, every breath you take, I’ll be watching you.

Kind regards Gordon.

The Big Issue

Apparently Little Nick Clegg is a bit of a toff, descended from the Russian aristocracy and educated at the Westminster School.

Which led me to wondering how on earth he managed to get sponsored by the Big Issue.
Well why else would he keep mentioning the homeless person’s mag?

Immigration, “Let’s not forget the Big Issue here…”
Pensions, “This is the Big Issue….”
Nuclear deterrent, “The Big Issue….”

He’ll have his dog with him next week, you mark my words.