Strike A Light! It’s The Nobel Prize For Matchmaking

STOCKHOLM, High Security Psych Ward, Karolinska Sjukhuset Alfred Nobel Centre. – U.S. economists Alvin Roth and Lloyd Shapley won the 2012 Nobel prize for economics on Monday for research on how to make matches.

Not useful matches for lighting fires, cigarettes and candles mind you but hypothetical matches such as students for schools, investors with con men, or even organ donors with patients.

The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, which made the award, said the 8 million crown ($1.2 million) prize recognized “the theory of stable allocations and the practice of market design”. Yeah right. I think I’ll stick with my Swan Vetas.

The award citation said Shapley had used game theory to study and compare various matching methods and how to make sure the matches were acceptable to all counterparts, including the creation of a special algorithm.
Roth followed up on Shapley’s results in a series of empirical studies and helped redesign existing institutions so that new doctors could be matched with hospitals, students with schools or patients with organ donors.

Ah so they are the kind scientists who think we should all give up thinking and let computers run our lives for us.

“This year’s prize is awarded for an outstanding example of economic engineering,” the committee added. Hang on, weren’t the people who designed debt derivatives trading as a means of assuring stable growth in the economic community awarded a nobel prize for economic engineering?

The economics prize, officially called the Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel, was established in 1968. It was not part of the original group of awards set out in dynamite tycoon Nobel’s 1895 will.

In other words just another fraud invented to give taxpayers money to economic elitists? I decided to test the theory on my computer by asking it to match granary bread with cheese, coal or shit. It gave the answer:

ei pi = -1

Zinc and Sulphur – a perfect match?

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Footballers Valued More Highly Than Scientists By New Immigration Law


A group of eight Nobel laureates, including two Russian migrants who won the physics prize on Tuesday, has urged a retink on the government’s newly introduced visa policy, saying Britain’s reputation for scientific excellence was under threat.

The scientists called on ministers to make similar allowances for the elite players in science and industry as have already been made for top athletes, such as Premiership footballers, wishing to work in Britain. full story

So should footballers be valued more highly than scientists? Footballers kick a ball about a bit, drink a lot, do drugs, shag slappers and occasionally entertain people for their £150k a week. What do scientusts do for their £1.50 a week?

Britain lands a national record four wins at awards for scientific research that makes people laugh.

Researchers from across the UK were honoured for achievements that included proof that swearing relieves pain, a means of collecting whale snot with a remote-controlled helicopter and the first documented case of fellatio in fruit bats.

Not to be confused with the real (and more lucrative) Nobel prizes, which are due to be announced next week, the “Igs” are awarded to scientists whose work makes people laugh.

Unintended consequences are always a feature of scientific developments but surely for scientists who set out to make world changing, life enhancing breakthroughs in human knowledge, causing laughter is the most tragic outcome possible.

Here are some of this year’s prize winners.

Medicine
Psychologists Simon Rietveld and Ilja van Beest at the University of Amsterdam share the award for discovering that breathing difficulties brought on by asthma can be alleviated by repeated rollercoaster rides.

Physics
Awarded to Lianne Parkin and her team at the University of Otago in New Zealand for demonstrating that people are less likely to slip over on icy footpaths if they wear their socks outside their shoes instead of inside.

Biology
A description of the sexual antics of the short-nosed fruit bat earned the award for Gareth Jones at Bristol University and collaborators in China. The team showed that females who performed oral sex on their mates copulated for longer. “It is the first documented case of fellatio by adult animals other than humans to my knowledge, and opens questions about whether female animals can manipulate males via sexual activity, perhaps in this case to improve their chances of successful fertilisation,” It was reported that on learning of his award Jones planned to demonstrate the fruity batty behaviour at the ceremony using puppets.

Peace
Awarded to psychologist Richard Stephens and others at Keele University for confirming that swearing relieves pain.
Fuck me gently, what shitting planet has that skunk felching bell end been living on if he didn’t realise we all knew that.

Transportation
Working with Japanese scientists, Mark Fricker and Dan Bebber at Oxford University used slime mould to model an effective railway network. In the experiment, cities were represented by porridge oats that were linked to one another as the slime mould grew.

Sounds like a model of the London Underground system to us. But can that by any stretch of the imagination be considered an effective railway system?

Public health
Awarded to Manuel Barbeito at the Industrial Health and Safety Office in Maryland for scientific studies that found microbes cling to beards, making more hirsute men a potential laboratory hazard.

Chemistry
For research in 2005 that overturned the long-held belief that oil and water do not mix, the prize was awarded to researchers at BP.

Economics
Awarded jointly to the executives and directors of Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, AIG and Magnetar for “creating and promoting new ways to invest money – ways that maximise financial gain and minimise financial risk for the world economy, or for a portion thereof.” The Stearns – Lehman – Sachs – Lynch method – or theft as it is commonly known – showed initial promise but in the past three years has performed disappointingly.

That about says it all really. Footballers are over valued because scientists make us laugh. If only thy didn’t whinge just as much as footballers do they might get more recognition.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

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Let Down By Hope? Embrace Nihilistic Despair.

Following the shock of last week’s announcement that the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009 had been awarded to Barack Obama in spite of nominations for the prize closing only a few days after he was inaugurated as President of the United States and the winner having been decided by the end of March, less than 13 weeks into his Presidency, many political leaders and pundits have written or spoken out in support of the award. Even the chair of the committee of international great and good has had to go public to explain that the award was made on the basis that Mr. Obama had brought hope to the world.

Hope. If we are awarding prizes for hope that should not the winners medal for the London Marathon be awarded to the obese guy who dresses as Donald Duck to take part every year? Surely he sets of with more hope than any other entrant.

Hope my arse. Hope is for losers, hope is what makes drowning men clutch at straws or the guy facing bankruptcy put on his lucky shirt and head for the casino to risk everything they have left on one last throw of the dice. Hope is what makes politicians talk of green shoots of recovery even as the currency exchange rate goes down the pan.

Hope is all the religious and superstitious nonsense in the world compressed into one four letter word. Hope is a four letter word. Hope is false, forlorn and misbegotten. The hope that springs eternal springs right up your behind.

Hope is what remained cowering in the darkest corner of Pandora’s box when everything else had thrown caution to the wind and made the great leap into the unknown. Hope is the last refuge of those who cannot face reality. Hope is for fools.

Delve into literature and we soon get things put in perspective:

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
creeps in this petty pace from day to day
to the last syllable of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death…
Macbeth, Act V Sc 5

Macbeth had not time for hope then, he faced the inevitable with grim resignation thus showing that all talk of hope is empty, we all end up at the same destination. So many people spend their time looking for, hoping for a Messiah who will save and protect them and lead them to a Utopian future in a magic land bathed in golden light. The wise few are enjoying every moment of every day knowing we have all too few days left. Still even when our bodies become frail we can still laugh at the comical antics of the pompous fools who think their empty words and grandiose promises can fork some lightning and change the nature of things.

“We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars,” said Oscar Wilde when he was looking at a stretch in Reading Jail. At least he understood that while we can look at the stars we can never touch them.

So where does hope stand in relation to reality. Shakespeare can guide us again when we are troubled about what the future may hold:

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Hamlet, Act 3 Sc 1

Having clarified things in his mind with these words Hamlet decides “Thus conscience makes cowards of us all.” Hope is for those who fear death, the great unknown more than they fear life. It is without a doubt nobler in the mind to take arms against an endless sea of troubles and by opposing end them than to sit in a dark corner of a little box holding hands with hope. A Saxon scribe recorded the words of one renowned warrior who said that we are all cowards, courage lies in having the will to overcome fear and face death joyously knowing we have done our best and could not possibly do more.

To me that beats listening to some preachy wuss wimping on about hope and singing Kumbaya while relying on divine intervention to save us from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

The award of a Nobel Peace Prize to Obama because he “gave hope” is as ridiculous as giving Billy Graham an honorary doctorate in evolutionary science. If hope is all we have against our endless sea of troubles we have nothing.

So if you have been let down by hope and can’t find the will to overcome adversity, embrace nihilistic despair. It offers nothing so you cannot be disappointed.

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Blogosphere Gobsmacked At Obama Peace Prize

Just about everybody in the blogosphere is as gobsmacked as Boggart Blog at Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize especially as nominations closed only nine days after his inauguration as President.

The word “fix” may spring to mind.

It would be unworthy of me to remind readers that on his first day in office Barack Obama was signing orders for airstrikes on civilian targets in Afghanistan and Pakistan which means be took eveven months less than George W Bush to become a murderer and war criminal.

So I won’t mention it.

Slugger O’Toole

So Where Has Obama Brought Peace To

Nobel Peace Prize For Prez Dude

The Daily Stirrer

Unfortunately on matters relating to reality Barry is not having such an easy ride: Obama’s Climate Change Bill

Web tour – 13 Oct

Build our way out of depression, Democrats say Well it worked in the 1930s why not try it again. You didn’t really expect anything original from mr. Hopes, Dreams and Visions Obama did you? Soaring rhetoric my arse, its now been revealed his speeches and best selling book were written for him by unrepeantat former terrorist Bill Ayres.

Banking Crisis – will nationalisation work asks Comment is Free. NO! shout the bloggers unanimously. Makes a changes, people in Comment Is Free threads usually don’t even agree with themselves. Boggart Blog comment
Sir hector Gobbett-Broadsides on The Energy Crisis

Hotdog economics This year’s nobel prize winner for economics is great at explaining economic theory in terms the lay person can understand, says this article. Yeah, right. Well the economics of a hot dog stand busines are the standard analogy for world trade. If you seek economic enlightenment should watch the opening 30 minutes of the Rodney Dasngerfield film Back To School. In that Dangerfield demolishes the academic theory of hot dog economics and shows academics have little relevance to reality.
Nobel prize for economics this year? They’re having a laugh anren’t they?
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Rad Boggart Blog economic corresponsent Sir Hector Gobbet Broadsides on the need to bring back child labour

Recycling – is it a waste of time asks Tim Worstall Yes we say, much of what is recycled actually uses more resources to recreate than it would to make new.
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The Truth About Brown’s boom and bust A farcical attempt by NuLab to claim Gordon Brown has single handedly saved the world from an economic Apocalypse.

And the Nobel Prize for econimics this year More on that economics prize at Timesonline