One Million Year Old Footprints Left By First Holiday Makers In Norfolk

Following the discovery of the first Butlin’s British holiday camp, a 700,000 year old campsite, a find which has rewritten history, last month we can now bring you news of an even more exciting discovery, the very first beach resort near Happisburgh in Norfolk.

Footprints in layers of sediment show where trippers wandered around aimlessly, looking for something to do. Nothing changes really.

Archaeologists studying the find say the adult prints were much deeper than they would expect from people of comparable size. This suggests the parents were well pissed off after a two week trek from Dagenham by Aurochs drawn sled with the kids whining “Are we nearly there yet” all the way.

paleolithinc footprints
Paleolithic footprints and a fossilised lens cap dropped by a primitive tourist. Source: Daily Telegraph

It is difficult to understand what drew the cave dwellers to Happisburg 900,000 years ago. There was no fish and chips, no bingo, pubs, candy floss, slot machine arcades, gift shops stocked with wall to wall tat or kiss me quick hats. Apparently the paleolithic humans would have found there was plenty of Rock to be had but not much else.

The discovery is likely to divide the world of paleo – archaeology. Already two camps are emerging, on one hand supporters of the “Weez aalz from Afreeekaaa” meme are claiming the find supports their theory that all monder humans are descended from one African woman, Mitochondrial Eve – the mother of mankind who lived between 200 700 thousand years ago (don’t you love scientific precision) and is reputed to have had a womb like a Wizard’s Sleeve.

The other group claims the find provides evidence for what they have suspected for some time, that modern man evolved from a family of Jeremy Kyle show guests who came from near Barnsley.

A third opinion, which is not at the moment being taken seriously has been put forward by a group of experts including Tom Cruise, Nicholas Cage, Peaches Geldof, Kirstie Alley and John Travolta deny these are actually 900,000 year old footprints, rather stating that they were left a few days ago as part of a conspiracy to undermine the Church of Scientology.

BTW bearing in mind that John Travolta is actually allowed to fly a large plane when his mind is so warped will people stop suggesting whenever I say I no longer like flying that I could get my phobia cured with hypnotherapy. I do NOT have a phobia about flying, I have a phobia about some of the twats who are flying planes.

One science writer commented “The ancient footprints are believed to be around 900,000 years old and could transform scientists understanding of how early humans moved around the world.”

Typical effing science head. If they left footprints then obviously they walked.

See more on this …

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History Is Older Than They Are Telling Us

One Million Years BC was a really mooey Hollywood schlockfest that starred Raquel Welch (in designer window leathers) as the cavewoman who invented lipstick and eye shadow.

Although the film developed as “so bad it’s good” type cult following I never got into it myself. It was not the scenes of cavemen fighting dinosaurs that put me off, I have no scientific sensibilities about such nonsense. What I found unpalatable was that the cave men armed only with pointed sticks won.

Anyway I digress. Those who follow mainsteam anthropology “Weez aalz from Afrikaa” will claim the film is ridiculous because it depicts modern humans speaking English a million years ago. And everone knows the science is settled and human ancestors only got the ferry from Morocco to Gibraltar about a million years ago and did not reach England until about 400,000 years ago.

Well as usual the science, if not wrong, is questionable. A team of archaeologists searching for sings of civilisation in Norfolk have discovered what they are confident is the site of a one million year old human settlement buried beneath many layers of pizza boxes, discarded Indian takaways, roaches, McDonalds packages and supermarket own brand larger cans under the site now occupied by Manor Caravan Park in Happisburgh.

I wonder if the cavewomen who lived in the settlement looked anything like this:

raquelwelch lookalike cavewoman
Picture: Movie still, Raquel welch in One Million Years BC, movie still, Blogspot