Dearest Nick

The press is awash today with the news that the outgoing, or as it should now be, the outgone, Chief Secretary to The Treasury, Sir Liam Byrne, left a note for his successor saying, quite succinctly we feel,
“I’m afraid there is no money. Kind regards – and good luck!”

Boggartblog can now reveal the note left in the Deputy Prime Minister’s office f.a.o. NIck Clegg.

Dearest Nick,

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now I need a place to hide away, as you and your fancy boy posh school friend have decided to shack up in my house.

Words can not express how much you meant to me….a last chance to cling on to power would only be the starting point.

In a little while from now, if I’m not feeling any less sour, I promise myself to treat myself and visit a nearby tower and make arrangements for that toffee nosed usurper to be flung into the dungeons! Ah, if only…

Late last night I took a walk outside your (my) house. All the blinds were pulled down low, way down tight, saw two silhouettes on the shade, oh what a lovely couple you made…. spew, vomit.

Ach, I don’t think I’m doing this very well but don’t worry dearest Nick, every breath you take, I’ll be watching you.

Kind regards Gordon.

Quick Thinking Criminal or Slow Witted Plod?

We normally bring you stories of really stupid criminals, like the man who drove the getaway car sporting his own personalised registration plate, or the chap who held up a bank, slipping the cashier his handwritten demand for money which he’d jotted down on the back of an old envelope, showing his name, address and zip code, or the gang member who was advised by a kindly policeman that he should give up on his life of crime as his incredibly sticky out ears meant he was identified every time.

Well today, just to balance it up a bit we bring you the story of the quick witted criminal. Although it could equally be called the story of the slow witted plod.

Police in Streetsboro, Ohio, apprehended suspected bank robber John H Ford and just like in all the best cop shows cuffed his hands behind his back and then bent him over the bonnet of the squad car as they frisked him.
As they were looking for weapons they put the piece of paper they found in his pocket on the bonnet of the car, and as said piece of paper was allegedly the note used in the heist, Mr. Ford promptly ate it, destroying the evidence.

Way to go, JOHN!