A dearth of Stupid Criminal Of The Week award worthy crimes led us to wonder in the Boggart Blog office if it might be time to inaugurate a new category of award for outandingly stupid behaviour among a sector of society for whom stupidity is the norm.
Right on cue those paragons of stupidity, the Occupy movement provided us with inspiration. Having failed to Occupy The City, The Barbican, a scout hut in Camden Town and various other spaces you’d think Occupy might get the message and occupy the space between their collective ears.
But no, these people are truly dedicated to fuckwittery of the highest order. They tried to Occupy The Salvation Army.
Last Monday, we learn, a little old lady rang the buzzer outside the Salvation Army headquarters in Elephant and Castle, London. They door was opened for her because even in Elephant and Castle the Sally Army doesnt turn people away people who need help and she seemed in need of help. But the old lady or perhaps I should say t’little old Lady like the friendly Yorkshire dragon in Chorlton and The Wheelies who could never see that t’little old lady was in fact an evil witch who wanted to make the wheelies wheels seize up because the little old Lady knocking on the Sally Army’s door in Elephant and Castle was was not what she seemed to be either: she was a decoy for Occupy Workfare, a gang of Left-wing
dickheads activists who were hiding behind her. As soon as the door was opened, they burst into the HQ and proceeded to occupy it.
Apparently Occupy don’t like the Sally Army because it employs benefit recipients who are required to do work experience as a route back to employment. This so-called workfare scheme means they help the charity for a maximum of four weeks and some of them are so impressed by its Christian witness that they stay on as volunteers while they find real jobs and sometimes even become actyive Christians (which we think might be what really pisses off Occupy).
In the eyes of Occupy Workfare, however, the Salvation Army is collaborating in a Tory conspiracy to exploit benefit claimants. Hence their charming old-lady decoy trick, which enabled a bunch of scumsuckers reeking of Patchouli oil and personal odours to push past the reception staff, pushing some aside roughly.
Leftie agitators arent the brightest folk (anyone remember Citizen Smith?) so it never occurred to them that once the door had shut behind them they wouldnt be able to unoccupy the Sally Army building. The reception staff, independent contractors of the type usually recruited from ex military personnel didnt appreciate being bullied and called the police. Occupy Workfare are now complaining of harassment that they were being held hostage by the Salvation Army … Arseholes.
In case you’d forgotten – Chorlton and The Wheelies (YouTube):