Church Of The Bell End

You have to sympathise, even as you permit yourself a prurient snigger.

The elders of the Christian Science Church in Dixon, Illinois were so keen to show their respect for God’s creation they had their new Church building designed around an old oak tree that grew on the site.

The best laid plans of mice, men and Christian Scientists gan aft agley however, especially if the architect you hire is a bit of a dick, and now the church building is complete, the design has provided a lot of laughs amongst online communities. In pictures from Google Earth, you see, it looks like a limp knob.

Representatives say they intend to give the penis shaped building a “fig leaf” as soon as possible. So we will only get a laugh in the winter? No wonder this picture has gone viral on the internet.

church of bell end

Interestingly, the Christian Science creed teaches “love, growth and spiritual healing” based on teachings from the bible and the writings of founder Mary Baker Eddy. The church also has the slogan “rising up” as its motto.

Perhaps they should do a deal with the Catholics and get a “Church Of Our Lady” built next door. That might help thinks rise up a bit.

Man tears off his schlong while high on shrooms

A cautionary tale for Glastonbury week we think.

I have never experimented with the hallucinogenic type of mushrooms and after reading this story I am more sure than ever of the wisdom behind that wariness:

The Huffington Post reported today that a naked man was found bloody and screaming after he ripped off a part of his penis during a drug-induced craze from taking ‘magic mushrooms’. The 41-year-old Columbus, Ohio, man was found after Washtenaw County Sheriff’s deputies responded to an alarm set off by a broken window at Ypsilanti Middle School. Upon arrival they found the man on his knees completely naked and covered with blood from his waist down. Sergeant Geoff Fox said “He mutilated his genitals with his bare hands, and was doing a lot of yelling and screaming.”

Well after tearing off his todger he would, wouldn’t he?

Brazilian Pastor Arrested For Convincing Followers His Penis Contained Holy Milk

Brazilian Evangelical Christian Pastor Valdeci Sobrino Picanto has been arrested after convincing followers of his ‘mission’ that his penis contained holy milk.,

“He has been arrested after deceiving the faithful into believing these foolish lies by using the name of the Holy Spirit”, one of his victims told Brazilian prosecutors .

The criminal pastor claimed that the Holy Spirit would secrete from his penis in the form of “sacred milk”. This pastor said that his penis was blessed and that “the Lord had consecrated him with divine milk of the Holy Spirit” and, of course, he had to release into the mouths of those seeking his blessing in order for them to receive the Holy Spirit and be saved.

The same witness told the Brazilian Press “He convinced us that God could only enter our bodies through our mouths which is why we would do what he asked. Often after worship Pastor Valdeci would take us to where the finds are kept as the back of the church and tell us to have oral sex with him until the Holy Spirit came.”

The pastor is now in jail, he said after being sentenced he intends to continue spreading the Holy Spirit via his sacred milk among other inmates.

You just couldn’t make this stuff up.

More on this story

A Bit Of A Prick

Phillip Seaton, a 64 year old American has taken a doctor to court after his his entire penis was surgically removed without consent being obtained, during what should have been a routine circumcision.

Mr. Seaton woke up at the Jewish Hospital following the circumcision procedure in October 2007 to find not his foresking missing as he expected but his entire chopper chopped off.

Seaton, a lorry driver from Shelbyville, Kentucky, had been advise to have his foreskin removed to solve an inflammatatory condition. Surgeon, John Patterson, said a full knobectomy was necessary because the medical team discovered a rare and deadly form of penile cancer while performing the operation.

Lab tests later proved that Seaton had a type of cancer known as squamous cell carcinoma.

Mr Seaton’s lawyer, Kevin George, argued in court that as the situation was not an emergency as the cancer was not immediately life threatening the patient and his family should have been allowed to get a second opinion or at least given a chance to say goodbye. Mr. Seaton was never given the chance to descide if he would rather live in an emasculated state or die with his dick attached.

Attorney George told the court: “My client’s anger is justified because Dr Patterson his truncated his todger without asking; without giving him a choice; without giving him the opportunity to check around and talk to other people and find out the phsychological effects of living without a willie.”

In court, the amputee told jurors of the initial moment after being told his penis had been removed.

“I pulled the dressing up, and I didn’t see nothing. Then I came out of the restroom and I said I’m getting the hell out of this damn hospital.” As you would. In a drsssing gown. Without your dick.

Now Mr Seaton and his wife, Deborah, are seeking unspecified damages from John Patterson for “loss of service, love and affection”. Dr. Patterson told a Boggart Blog reporter, “What has the guy to complain about, that cancerous cock would have had to come off sooner or later. I think he’s being a bit of a prick about the whole business.”

Kangaroo Meat And Two Veg Back On The Menu

Time just flies doesn’t it? I can’t believe I’m A Celebrity Save My Career is back on our screens for another run already.

This year’s celebrity to hate, breate and humiliate is Gillian (poo lady) McKeith. You would not think somebody who spends so much time close to shit would be bothered by flies but she is, she’s scared shitless of them in fact. Nice.

A couple of surprising inclusions are Lynford Christie and Nigel Havers. We would not expect either to be stuck for cash but maybe in Lynford’s case the paternity suites caught up with him.

Yes he wasn’t just fast down the hundred metres track.
Still it’s good he’s there, if anybody gets really peckish they can just dip into old Lynford’s lunchbox and grap a snack.

Another surprising arrival in the jungle set was Stacey Solomon, last years X Factor runner up and the most talented contestant of the year (which obviously is why she did not win.)

To get back to the meat and two veg agenda, on her first night in the jungle lovely Stacey had to eat a Kangaroo penis which she did without flinching.

Well the girl is from Dagenham so it will neither be the first nor the nastiest penis she’s had in her mouth.

More animal misadventures

Something For The Weekend or Scary Willy Story #1,259

From the Barnsley Chronicle:-

“A woman was shocked when she saw a man who had tried to fix her strimmer waving his penis around.”

The woman had been having problems with her strimmer and the man asked if he could help, but could not fix it and walked away.

“He followed her into the garage. She saw that his trousers were unzipped, he was holding his penis in his left hand and waving it around.”

I don’t think he’s got a career as a gardening tools mechanic ahead of him.

I also don’t think the Chron’s writer has a career in journalism ahead of them:)

This happened in the village next to ….. go on guess… no?…..YES! PENIStone:)

Penis Trousers (with picture) The latest in male fashion.

After last week’s news was full of cloying sentiment from the fashion world over the death of a designer whose best trick was to make his models look like grotesques (so as to make his clothes look less grotesque?) we bring you a sneak peek (if you’ve the stomach for it) at a new line in mens fashion from the world of haute couture. Unveiled (or flashed?)for the first time at the Madrid fashion week Penis Trousers have a false dick and bollocks sewn on the outside. You don’t believe me?

Then take a look at this shot from the Isabel Mastache show.

Still, if that is an accurate representation it at least proves Spanish men are all talk. I’ve seen thicker pencils. It also proves that far from being the delicate and sensitive creative artists they think they are, most fashion designers are just pathetic, inadequate attention seekers.

Swimsuit Edition
More humour every day from Boggart Blog

Is That A catamaran In Your pocket Or Are You Pleased To See Me?

A man From Guangzhou, China has had one of his penises removed.
Alright I know it’s Monday morning and we’re all still comatose from probably the most mind-numbing Wimbledon Men’s final ever, so I’ll type that again.

He has had ONE of his PENISES removed.

All over the blogosphere I can hear men shouting ,”One of? One of? How many did the lucky bugger have?” So I’ll tell you.

Originally he had two. He was born that way.
In his younger days he says he was proud of his double members. I’ll bet he had some stock in the playground.

As he grew up he didn’t find his extra appendage a hinderance either, indeed he says his girlfriend at first thought it was quite sexy, or probably double sexy.
“Is that a catamaran in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?” sort of thing.

However, Ang now says that you can have too, or even two, much of a good thing. His girlfriend decided that one willy good, two willies way creepy and went off the idea of sex.
Consequently Ang has made half the ultimate sacrifice, and had one of his penises removed.

and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot
Ian at Authorsden