The Infantilisation Of Generation X-cess

For very many years now I have been concerned about the infantilisation of the current generation of adults.

It started with the shell suit, as often sported by the late James Saville so say no more on the reasons why grown adults would wander about in elasticated trousers.

When my kids started school the uniform was polo shirt, sweat shirt, jogging bottoms, “then theres no fiddling with nasty buttons”, as the secretary explained to me. Well if you don’t ever get to fiddle with nasty buttons when are you going to learn that buttons are actually quite a handy device for opening and closing items of clothing, pray tell.

We then had a student teacher on placement at school who arrived tie in hand every day and waited for one of the classroom assistants to tie it for him.

Women now walk about in glorified, sheepskin lined slippers, wind, rain or shine, the ubiquitous Ugg boot and lookalikes.

We even have the Onesie, a glorified romper suit for grown ups, which wouldn’t even be acceptable as nightwear in a more rational country and yet you see people doing the shopping in them.

If that wasn’t bad enough it now emerges that the sewers of London, designed by Sir Joseph Bazalgette way back in the 1800’s which have survived the population expansion, the blitz, newspaper and medicated Izal, is now under threat from baby wet ones, and I don’t mean poo.

It appears the latest fashion in anal hygiene is not a good wipe with a couple of sheets of Andrex, but the gentle, moist, probably anti-bacterial wet wipe for grown ups, which also happens, unlike the Andrex which you can practically see begin its disintegration before you’re very eyes, not to be terribly bio-degradable and consequently the sewers are getting bunged up.

It will only get worse though.

Imean it’s a bit of an inconvenience having to stop watching daytime TV or playing on your Wi or texting your friends, yes the ones who are sitting next to you on the sofa, to toddle off to the loo, get out of your onesie and have a poo. Plus you have to wash your hands after, so why not just wear a large nappy and have a clean up at the end of the day?

Nobody objects to babies doing that and just think how the sales of Sudocream will soar.

Boggart Blog Prevents Deadly Virus Pandemic

Several people have died following an outbreak of a rare lung disease among people who have visited California’s Yosemite National Park .

Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome (HPS) was first identified in the US in 1993, but researchers subsequently discovered Americans had been dying of the disease since at least 1959.

The Hantavirus infection is caused by ingesting by swallowing of inhalation microparticles of faeces and urine from infected rodents.

The Boggart Blog health expert Dr. Peasemold Phibes said, “To prevent themselves contracting this disease people should avoid sniffing rat turds. If somebody offers you rat turds to sniff just say no. Or when a friend suggests it is safe to sniff squirrel turds tell them they are misinformed. Just because a species is cute or looks innocent it does not mean their turds are safe to sniff. There is no such thing as an innocent rodent, thus these is no safe quantity of rodent poo.”

A few years ago in Scandinavia there was a spate of cases of young people throwing themselves off cliffs after sniffing lemming turds. Investigators eventually discovered pushers had told the teenagers they would be sniffing the poo of flying squirrels.

You Just can’t Be Too Paranoid

Labour activist dresses as poo.

Labour activist and anti-poverty campaigner Steve Cockburn makes a powerful case against the Tories’ manifesto pledge to “speak up for freedom and human rights” in his latest blog post for Progress today. In a stunt aimed at highlighting Britain’s failure to recognize access to sanitation as a human right he took to the streets dressed as a piece of shit. ( Labour Activist Dresses As Poo)

We always thought that old election maxim “Round here they’d vote for a dog turd if it was wearing a labour rosette” was a joke.

Obviously we were wrong

Ryan Air Cheap Flight Revolution.

Budget airline Ryanair have developed a wonderful business plan to be the recession. They will fly you anywhere in the world for £1 but will charge £500 to use the lav if you need an in flight waz or possibly more for a poo.

We often notice how news stories that come into the office complement each other, one of the advantages of making the news up perhaps. Yesterday we reported on Americans’ use of copious amounts of toilet toilet, paper today we predict that having persuaded passengers to pay for use of the toilet they will come up with the idea of charging £1 for every sheet of bog roll used. On a flight to New York, Miami, L.A. or any major U.S. airport the airline could clean up.

More humour every day from Boggart Blog

Goodbye Singing Poo Lady

Gillian McKeith, the poo lady, was eliminated from Celebrity Stools – sorry, Celebrity X Factor last night. Sensing the nations disappointment that we will not hear the lovely turd tester serenading us again Boggart Blog, thanks to Jenny Greenteeth installing herself in Gillian’s enema kit, can bring you news of the songs you have missed. Had she progressed in the contest Gillian was going to sing:

1) The First Time Ever I Saw Your Poo
2) Plop Goes The Weasel
3) She Loves Poo
4) Poetry in MOTION
5) Shit The Road Jack
6) The Crapping Song
7)- and this one was for the grand finale