The Catholic Hell of Pope Benny.

Little Nicky Machiavelli writes today of the hell facing Tony Blair’s successor. It sounds a nasty place for sure but not half as nasty as the Catholic Hell of Pope Benny.
The Pope is concerned that we do not talk about Hell anymore. Well no, course we don’t, because we all, well the intelligent ones anyway, worked out it is just a fairy story dreamed up to scare simpletons into blind obedience. But Benny is no quitter, he knows there are still enough gullible people out there to fill the Catholic Churches if he can get them to fall for the old line that all those of us who close our hearts to the love of cheeses (he’s German remember.)
As the Pontifex Maximus has little chance of selling this line to a secular society I will help him out. If you want a little foretaste of the Hell that awaits erring Catholics after death to can gain insight into the hell that awaited Catholic children before death if they were unlucky enough to be placed in the care of priests and nuns. Just see the film the Magdalene Sisters, a document of abuse of authority, physical and sexual abuse and mental cruelty in 1950s Ireland if you want to understand what drives religionists.
Blind unquestioning obedience to the church, that’s what Pope Benny would have us do to stay out of Hell.
So we must not let him forget that the Roman Catholic Church has been putting people through a living hell in the name of religion for almost seventeen centuries.
Hey Satan, save me a seat near the fire!

Buy The Magdalene Sisters starring Anne Marie Duff on DVD from Amazon

"Jesus Is Not The Messiah"

The problem with protesters in other countries is they do not have a British sense of humour (to be fair neither do the police in other countries – and they tend to be a tad trigger happy into the bargain)
On last night’s news I saw a shot of a protest against the visit of Pope Benedict to Turkey.
A woman in traditional muslim dress which made her look for all the world like Terry Jones in a famous scene in “The Life of Brian” brandished a placard that read “Jesus is not The Messiah, he is a Prophet of Islam.”
“Oh why aren’t you English dear,” I thought. Had she been she might have had the wit to replace “he is a Prophet of Islam” with the words “he’s a very naughty boy.”

CROWD (in chorus) we want to see Brian, he is the Messiah.
T. Jones (as a woman): He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.

I include that for the benefit of the very young or those who have led sheltered lives and have not yet seen the funniest film ever made.


Blessed are the cheesmakers – from The Life Of Brian


Philo and Sophia – The Page For Lovers Of Wisdom and original ideasYou might find some of the more bizarre fringes of philosophy and thought from history and from around the world here here, among the original thinking of our contributors. As with most pages in The Greenteeth Labyrinth this is not a page for academics or conventional students but for explorers and people who like to play with fresh or off – centre ideas.

Proof of Parentage?

My dear friends, I need your help and support. My life has taken on the characteristics of a soap opera storyline and I am in traumatic shock.
After going through nearly 57 years (I’m 39 OK? I had a problem with a time warp some years back,) believing I was the scion of a long line of degenerates, debauchees, boozers, gamblers, womanisers, bookies and newspapermen, oh and an Aunt who did an enormous service for the war effort from 1939 to 45 – she was a tonic for the troops, I have learned from the View From The Vatican blog that I may in fact be the illegitimate son of Pope Benny Ratzo…read full Proof Of Parentage post here

The Da Vinci Code
More Da Vinci Code
East Enders (UK Soap Opera)
Dot Cotton (iconic character in above)

Is it time for a Protestant Pope?

The new Pope has proved a disappointment to many people already, having made it clear that the Catholic church’s stance on abortion, contraception, celibate priests (i.e. no sex, but fiddling with the altar boys does not count) homosexuality (i.e. no same gender sex, but fiddling with the altar boys does not count) and women will not change one iota. And there will be lots of new saints. And lots of new Saint merchandising opportunities.

A problem for all of us regardless of our faith is that whoever is chosen as Pope will automatically become a major player on the world political stage but will represent only Roman Catholics and only rich Roman Catholics at that. Imagine the furore if President Bush had been inaugurated only to represent Southern Baptists, Tony Blair’s loyal oath bound him only to consider the interests of Church of England members, or Jaques Chirac decided only to act on behalf of Jaques Chirac… ah – erm Jaques Chirac does only act on behalf of Jaques Chirac doesn’t he?

The problem with this whole Pope business lies in the fact that Catholics are such a close bunch, all that “one true church” business and the mystery of transubstantiation and stuff like that has put it into their collective consciousness that the rest of us do not deserve a say in what happens in the world of silly hats and candlesticks, that the whole ecumenical movement is for us to learn from them but not for them to learn from us. And so our suggestions that maybe God gave us condoms because He was trying to tell us there are enough people now and He does not want anybody to go hungry fall on deaf ears.

That they are so clannish is a great pity because the catholic and protestant movements are closer to each other now than at any time since the schism.
When Martin Luther went to Rome to discuss the problems German communicants were having with certain superstitions, particularly the business of communion bread and wine turning into the flesh and blood of Jesus he met similar intransigence.

“Give us a break,” Luther said to Pope Leo, “we’re not barbarians in Germany. We can live with the communion symbolising the flesh and blood, but actually changing in our mouths, that’s gross.”

“Eff off,” said Leo. “I’m the Pope, its my church and what I say goes, if you don’t like it start your own church.”

Luther went off in a huff and months later news drifted back to Rome that he was into the Diet of Worms.

“See, I told you they are barbarians, Catholics will stick with Atkins variants,” Pope Leo told his Cardinals.

For a few centuries it looked as if the two sides would never see eye to eye but in the late twentieth century a tide of social change began after The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper. The traditional churches had to respond to the new popularity of Eastern mysticism and crackpot New Age belief systems. Both Catholic and fundamentalist protestant dogma adapted to embrace extreme ideas. Both factions dislike contraception, abortion, homosexuality and women. Especially women.

It seems obvious therefore that if both sides can find a little goodwill and flexibility there is no reason why we cannot have a Protestant candidate for the papacy. I deliberately exclude The Church of England on grounds that not only is it not a protestant church that has no problem with abortion, contraception, homosexuality and women but also that it does seem to have a bit of a problem with concept of God. You might wonder where this is heading, after all if Protestant and Catholic are so similar nothing would change much anyway. Ah the perils of short – termism.

Given the obvious flaws in the democratic system of The Church of Rome and commitments expressed by Bush and Blair to spreading true democracy ought we not to be badgering our politicians to occupy the Vatican, effect regime change and pave the way for future Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Scientologist and Moonie Popes. A Protestant Pope would just be the single step with which ever journey begins. Imagine a world in which Pope Dalai Lama the first had some influence.

Time is of the essence because the new bloke is well past seventy and unlikely to stick around for twenty odd years.

Demand a Protestant Pope now, you know it makes sense.