The Duchess Of Kate

Queen Ant – almost as fecund as certain members of The Royal Family (image source)

Oh effing Joy! The Duchess Of Kate has given birth. It seems hardly five minutes sing the last one was born. What a bummer that the only news to come along that can shove the election off the top of the news is even more boring.

While I’m happy for Prince William and The Duchess Of Cambridge (bit of SEO there) that they got a girl and having acquired a full set can stop now and not put us poor taxpayers to any more expense, why the ballyhoo. A woman has a baby, it’s hardly news is. After all if women didn’t have babies there wouldn’t be a human race would there.

Apparently the dear Duchess Of Kate went into hospital at 6 am this morning and popped the sprog out at 8:30.Which, were she to make a habit of giving birth with such facility, might suggest on the ascension of Willie – boy to the throne we might have to call his spouse Queen Ant rather than Queen Kate.

Prince Andrew Hears Of Another Summons To Attend Court In New York

On hearing of another attempt by US lawyers to force him to testify under oath in the sex – slave scandal that arose him his links with Billionaire financier and ponce Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew’s response shows how seriously he is taking the threat of having to face his accuser in a court of law.

The prince has strongly denied allegations that he slept with 17-year-old Virginia Roberts in a state which sets the age of consent at eighteen. Roberts alleges she was ‘procured’ for him by his close friend, convicted paedophile and procurer to the rich and famous (and Bill Clinton who was still President at the time,) Jeffrey Epstein. 

The latest attempt by Miss Roberts’ legal team to serve papers on Prince Andrew came a week after couriers FedEx returned a similar letter because it was ‘refused’ by the recipient at Buckingham Palace. 

The letter to the Prince says: ‘This is a formal request to interview you under oath at a time and place of your choosing.’ 

He is believed to have responded, “Fahk orf, Mummy’s sorted it, she’s promised that darkie chap an honorary kighthood.”

Last week while addressing a gathering of the rich and powerful at the World Economic Forum, Davos, Andy is alleged to have told his audience, “My good friend Slick Willie told me all I had to say was I did not have sex with that woman.” The truth is I put it to her lower lips but I did not penetrate.

Prince William and the World Cup.

We noticed that after the World Cup fiasco during which he was one of our Knights Paladin, Prince William asked of the democratically self – appointed elites that run football, the Olympic games etc. “why do we suck up to these people.”

A fair point well made Willie – boy. But your family started it all.

Still at least we didn’t send Prince Harry says a forbidden word – does nobody respect British values any more2>Prince Harry who might had called the FIFA committee a bunch of effing dago prudes.

The Economy and Phil The Greek’s Trousers

Of all the economic indicators that are predicting doom and gloom for the next few years, one is worrying us more than all the others put together. Forget inflation rates, growth in GDP, trade figures, industrial output, the cost of living index, house prices and the number of times Alistair Darling’s cat circles before settling down in its basket (although that one is a biggie.) The most significant guide to judging the real state of the economy is the state of Phil The Greek’s Trousers.

We hear the Old Bubble has sent back to his tailor for alteration a pair of trousers he bought fifty years ago. Our sprite in Buckingham Palace tells us the trousers are too slack and need to be taken in.

Nothing wrong with that you may think if you are the kind of person who is gladdened by tales of Royal frugality. What a fine example to be setting to the profligate younger members of the Royal family, you might say to yourself if you worry about the waste of taxpayers money (fatsally and I get the same example set by our Dear Old Mum. It just goes in one ear and out the other.) On the other hand the kind of people who worry about the waste of taxpayers money are usually the ones who have supported war in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Yes I know sarcasm is the lowest for of wit, fun though isn’t it?

But why does the tale of the retailoring of Prince Phillip’s antique stride make us worry about how bad a state the economy is in? Think it through. If the trousers are being taken in that means the old curmudgeon has lost weight. Weight loss could be due to his eating inadequately. And if Phil the Greek isn’t getting three decent meals a day what chance have the rest of us?