They Didn’t Think It Through – Again

If we were in the business of rehabilitating criminals in the prison system so that on being discharged they were equipped to take their place in society and earn and honest living how would we go about that?
What training courses might we offer to the former burglars, safe crackers and car thieves. What trades would be best suited to keeping them in gainful employment and out of the way of temptation?
We can see at once that plumbing, painting and decorating and domestic electrics would not be very suitable as these tradesmen may at times have to be left alone in a customer’s house. Car Mechanics and carpenters work is mostly carried on in workshops so they are good prospects.
Work in factories or on construction sites is good, shop work which involves handling cash is a bit dodgy for those with the light fingered gene.
There is one trade however we would not in any circumstances offer to people with a criminal record.

So why, among the retraining programmes offered by the prison service in Kent is a course in being a LOCKSMITH the most popular option on offer.

Someone didn’t think that one through did they?

Prisoner Cell Block H(ilton)

So Paris will go to the slammer tomorrow. Have you ever though BTW how sexy prison metaphors are? I already edited out “Paris will go down,” Paris will be banged up” and any mention of the word “screw”.
What worries me about it all is how will a size zero survive in prison. Anyone who remembers Prisoner Cell Block H (or is gleaning details off a fan site as he writes his blog entry) will recall that the slim girls are always victims of violence, are forced to screw the screws SORRY! I apologise, I said no cheap jokes involving the word screw. I assure you there will be no more lapses into Carry On humour.
Anyway, the survivors in the women’s prison system portrayed were always the big women. The best job in the laundry, working the steam press, went to the prisoner with the biggest breasts while the one with the biggest bottom was in charge of loading and unloading the dryers. Then the skinny but deeply unattractive prisoners folded whatever needed folding while the young, pretty girls were routinely beaten up by the sadistic lesbian Assistant Governor or coerced into sexual acts by the young, good looking but basically sleazebagish male sc…warder.
Britains own Bad Girls was much the same except it was not size but low cunning and propensity for violence that moved prisoners up the hierarchy.
So where will Paris fit into this social structure. Here size zero breasts and bottom will earn her no respec’ and her sub zero IQ will not enable her to outwit street savvy rivals.
Silly girl should have got herself sent down in Britain where our private profit making prisons policy would have allowed the opening of a special wing for Celebrity miscreants, the Holloway Hilton.