I Only Had Twelve Sex Orgies In Three Years Says Shagger Strauss Kahn

Femen prosters outside the courtroom probably sent completely the wrong message to Domique Strauss Kahn

Former future French President and Ex-IMF chief Dominique (Shagger) Strauss-Kahn (DSK), has told a court in northern France where he is currently on trial for pimping, that prosecutors had greatly exaggerated the frequency of his wild orgies in which busloads to prostitutes (paid for by you, me and all European taxpayers dear reader,) ot “licentious evenings,” as he preferred to call them.

In fact, the BBC reports, DSK was straight faced and totally deadpan as he told the court that he took part in only a few rare sex parties – “only 12 parties the last 3 years.”

Oh well that’s alright then. I mean, which of us does not cavort with a bus load of prostitutes in a luxury hotel at the expense of taxpayers at least once every three months?

Mr Strauss-Kahn is accused of helping procure sex workers for a prostitution ring based at a hotel in Lille.

He has argued that he did not know the women were prostitutes.

Although using prostitutes is not illegal in France, supplying them or assisting in supplying them is. Prosecutors have been quoted as saying Mr Strauss-Kahn, 65, played a pivotal role in facilitating the orgies, describing him as the “party king”.

If found guilty, the one-time potential candidate for the French presidency could face up to 10 years in jail and a €1.5m (£1.13m) fine.

As he took the stand on Tuesday, Mr Strauss-Kahn said: “I committed no crime, no offence.”

“The prosecution gives the impression of unbridled activity,” he told the court. But, he added: “There were only 12 parties in total – that is four per year over three years.”

(from BBC News)

Former IMF Chief On Trial For Pimping

It is some time now since we brought you the story of banker and supranational bureaucrat Dominique Strauss Kahn and his penchant for hiring prostitutes by the busload.

You may recall Strauss Kahn was in the news at the time for allegedly raping a New York hotel chambermaid having mistakenly assumed all chambermaid are prostitutes and that particular one had been provided for him as part of the service.

Ah well, as Boggart Blog has said many times before, so long as We The Punters continue to let these elitist shits behave as if they are above the law, they will continue to imitate medieval robber barons. And as well as stuffing his own and his families pockets with taxpayers’ money and availing himself of the generous expenses arrangements these people enjoy in order to indulge his bizarre sexual fantasies, Strauss Kahn had the audacity to feign injured innocence when he was caught.

The former future President Of France, who would surely have occupied The Elysee Palace now had he been able to keep his dick in is trousers is instead on trial. A trial, it has to be said that is turning into a Rabelaisian farce.

Dominique Strauss Kahn and some of his ‘researchers’ (picture: Spiegel)

An incident that emerged in court today, during the testimony of hooker Sandrine Vandenschrik, who told police that she witnessed the incident involving Strauss Kahn and a number of naked women at a four star hotel. “I was shocked – I didn’t want to get involved in this carnage,” she said.

Another witness also described a scene of “carnage with a heap of mattresses on the floor”, with Strauss Kahn in the height of “pure sexual consummation” with naked girls writhing all over his body.

Strauss Kahn, 65, is denying the allegations, claiming that he did not know the girls were prostitutes. “He really wants us to believe he’s naive and takes us for idiots,” said Miss Vandenschrik.

The former politician has admitted to a huge sexual appetite and enjoying “libertine” parties, but denies knowing that the girls were prostitutes, arguing that it was impossible to know what the girls did for a living because they were all naked.

FFS, you’ve got to laugh at the audacity of these people. But satirical blogging is really dead, you just couldn’t make this stuff up.

BTW Boggart Blog has no moral problem with prostitutes but as taxpayers we object to paying for cheap thrills for freeloading expenses troughers like this arsehole.

Prostitution: Not Just A Job, A Way Of Life

On one of the websites of The Welsh Government (The Business Wales Site), career-seekers were gladly advised to consider being strippers (lap dancers to be correct) since this trade together with escort services or jobs on sex chat lines are considered as aspirational career opportunities. (I can’t bring you a link the page has been blocked to casual visitors)

The site goes on to provide a detailed job description of each of the two careers complete with how much you can earn from such a job (somewhere in the region of £200 to £300 per evening) or year £73,000 a for taking it all off.

After much complaining, the First Minister of Wales decided to launch an investigation as to how and why one of it websites published such career advice.

What I can tell the Welsh government is that stripping or lap dancing is a shite job and unless a girl has big tits or a really nice arse she might realistically expect to earn ten per cent of figures quoted for entertaining the ugliest, creepiest males imaginable.

Man dials 999 to complain about prostitute’s looks

An unhappy punter in Solihull dialled 999 to complain that a prostitute was not as pretty as she had claimed after he met her in a hotel car park.

Now I have no experience of prostitutes in Solihull or elsewhere but I’d have though it is usually the case that they are not as pretty as they claim. It’s a business to them after all.

It’s like going for a burger, they’re never as tasty and succulent as the adverts promise.

Read full story:

Premiership Footballer And The Prostitute

Bugger, I posted this in the wrong blog today. Oh well, I wouldn’t want you to miss it…

When I saw the News Of The World headline about the Premiership footballer and the teenage prostitute my first thought was:
“Why would a decent human being with so much going for them want to get involved with somebody lives a life full of sleaze, depravity and moral turpitude.

But as I read the story I realised the girl was not much better herself.

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Ello ello ello, looking for business are we?

The best unreported news story of the week is the case of the policewoman prostitute. This is not a story of an attractive female police office going undercover in stiletto heels and a micro-mini skirt to bring a pimp to justice. Oh no, this is a plain and simple instance of a police officer on active service with Northumbria Police Force moonlighting as a Lady Of The Night.

The officer, whose name is Victoria walked the streets of Newcastle by day on patrol and patrolled them by night looking for punters.

You would think, would you not, that a policewoman would be aware it is not a crime to sell sex, only to solicit customers in a public place. Therefore it would be reasonable to hope Victoria would have had the nous to work from a room above an Estate Agents office, advertising in the “Personal Services” column of the local free sheet, “Discreet Lady offers an arresting experience for discerning gentlemen. Handcuffs optional.”

Instead she chose to be a streetwalker, a situation in which she was certain to be seen by colleagues in the force. Perhaps it was the danger rather than the £100 an hour that turned her on.

We can only speculate as to Victoria’s modus operandi:

Man walking through Newcastle city centre carrying a box under his arm but otherwise minding his own business.

WPC Hooker:
Ello, ello, ello, what ’av we ’ere then? Do you mind telling be what you’ve got under your arm?

Punter:
Hairs…

WPC Hooker:
Ho ho ho, very droll sir. Now tell me what’s in the box or you’re nicked.

Punter:
I’ve done nothing wrong.

WPC Hooker:
Everybody has done something wrong. Now tell me what’s in the box.

Punter:
That’s my business.

WPC Hooker:
Talking of business sir, are you by any chance looking for business? Fancy a good time big boy? Want to take a trip up the Tyne Valley? £100 for an hour. Or I can nick you for carrying a box in a suspicious manner.

Punter:
Hundred quid you say? And do you wear your uniform throughout?

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Lend An Ear While I Tell Of Van Goch.

Everybody knows the artist Vincent Van Goch cut off his own ear. Some say the amputated lug ‘ole was sent to his friend Gaugin by way of an apology after the two mentalist artists had quarrelled. Another version has it that Van Goch, who when painting would become intensely absorbed in his work, cut off his ear because he had run out of Alizarin Crimson and was so intent on his painting he could not be arsed to go to the artists materials shop.

Both of these stories agree that after cutting off his ear Van Goch, who was bleeding profusely, walked to a nearby brothel and presented the ear which he had gift wrapped in a piece of linen, to a perplexed prostitute named Rachel. “What would I want with the ear of that mad crazy pig,” Rachel told Van Goch’s relatives when they went to collect the ear for burial with the rest of him.

The lunchtime news today featured two German historians who have now come up with another version of how the ear came to be cut off. They theorise the lugectomy was actually performed by Gaugin and have a theory as to how but not why.

In the absence of eye witness reports or a statement from either artists we can only speculate about what might have happened. Boggart Blog’s resident art critic Gizmo Monet suggested this theory.

“It is a matter of record that Gaugin’s style was somewhat primitive even by the standards of the late impressionists. Photo realism was not his thing. Now at the time of a certain ear related incident at Arles, Gaugin had been working on a portrait of the rather volatile Van Goch whose bouts of psychosis were caused by chronic constipation. Therefore I think the probable cause of the quarrel was that Van Goch did not like how Gaugin had painted his ear.”

“Paul, you talentless clown,” he might have raged, “what have you done? My ears look nothing like that!” to which Gaugin might have replied “So you can see round the side of your head now? How else could you know what your ears look like?”
and Van Goch, not a man to let things lie, would have taken the bait. “You think we Dutch are so backward we have never heard of mirrors, you prick? You’ve made me look like a cross between Mr. Spock and Dumbo.”
“I can only paint what I see, big ears,” we expect Gaugin would have said as he chopped of Van Goch’s ear, “Look there’s your ear, knobhead. Take a good look. That’s the silliest looking ear I’ve ever seen.”

Unfortunately we can never know who was right because history does not record whether Rachel flushed Van Goch’s ear down the toilet or had it made into a silk purse.

THE DAILY STIRRER

Latest archive selection now online: Boggart Blog Select vol 5

and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot

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Guaranteed to get things moving

Recession Making You Depressed? Treat Yourself To A Prostitute From Yellow Pages

Is the recession getting you down? Has the economic meltdown melted down your spirits? Does the news on climate change make you wonder if there is a future? Are you depressed by the way politicians promise solutions and deliver cliches?

You need something to lift your spirits. Why not treat yourself to a prostitute, you’ll find one in Yellow Pages.

While revenue from display ads placed in the business directory by eastate agents, car showrooms, funriture warehouses, clothing retailers and restaurants has fallen sharply in the past year more and bigger adverts are being bought by brothels and massage parlours, lap dancing clubs and others in the business of selling sex.

So if you are looking for a “relief massage” or “full body service” the supplier is at your fingertips so to speak. And anyone whose tastes are more specialized would probably be able, through the directory, to locate a copy of that obscure book, “The Punter’s Guide To S & M Dungeons In The West Midlands” by J. R. Hartley.

Is it time to legalise prostitution – Iain Dale’s Diary

More humour every day from Boggart Blog

Eliot Spritzer: If Only He Had Been Called Something Else.

Best comedy news story of the week has been the downfall of New York politician Eliot Spritzer this week reminds us how a name can affect a persons behaviour, what path they choose in life and ultmiately their fate.
Mr. Spritzer, who shares his name with a drink favoured by yuppies, totally embraced the yuppie lifestyle. Clean-living, almost puritanically health conscious and totally driven by ambition he carved out a niche in the political establishment by cleaning up prostitution and corruption in the public sector.
So thoroughly entrenched in the lifestyle did he become, he even paid for his high class hookers on his gold card probably thinking cash would seem vulgar.
To use plastic for such a transaction was an act of the grossest stupidity. It enabled Spritzer to be indentified as Client 9.
If only he had been named Eliot Beer he might have had a firm enough grip on reality to know it is always wise to pay for our little pecadilloes in cash.
That way the evidence does not show up in a financial audit or anywhere your wife may see it.