I see the politicians are banging on about child poverty again. Cry Baby Clegg and that Tory Baldie-boke whose name I cannot remember but it sounds like an intestinal disease have been talking about social mobility and child poverty.
Boggart Blog does not approve of child poverty of course, so we believe children should be put to work to earn their own living if their families can’t provide for them. Our solution is shown in this article, A Crisis A Child Could Solve.
Unfortunately the rope sandal wearing, tree hugging lefties are even more opposed to the idea of working class people having to work for a living than they are to children being poor. So we think our simple idea to end child poverty will be stymied.
Where does that leave Clegg and that Irritable Duodenum Syndrome bloke? Well poverty is relative so we suggest all they need is a bit of perspective.
Obiously the child of a single mother living on a sink estate cannot have the same expectations as the child of a billionaire. So we suggest banning all advertising as it only raises unrealistic hopes.
With no adverts to warp their perception we predict the negotiations for a child’s birthday present may go like this.
Sink Estate Mum: What do you want for your birthday yer whining li’le shit?
Child: A Subbuteo set Mum.
SE Mother: No.They’re very expensive, I cantn’t afford one, we’re povs. If I went without cheap cider and fags for a year I still wouldn’t have enough money. But I’ll get you a blow football game from the car boot sale. It’s much more fun.
Call Center Worker Mum: What do you want for your Birthday Son?
Child: Can I have a PS2 and a Pro Evo Football game?
CCW Mum: Sorry, those things are very expensive, innit. But I can get you a Subbuteo set. They are much more fun, you can get your mates round and have league and cup tournaments and go in internet forums and get groomed by paedos like what miggle class kids do…
Mondeo Man Dad: What do you want for your Britday son?
Child: Can I have a Subbuteo Dad?
MM Dad: No you effing can’t.
Child: Aw Dad, you said…
MM Dad: Never mind what I said. Only nerds and paedos have them. If I get you one people will think we’re povs. You can have a PS2 and a Pro Evo Premier League football game and effing well like it.
Arab Oil Sheik: What do you want for your birthday son.
Child: Can I have a new PS2 and a Pro Evo football game and a season ticket for a Premiership team and a 60″ Plasma TV with Sky Soprts so I can watch all the televised game.
Arab Oil Shiek: No sorry son, the Prophet, Peace Be Upon Him, says we must suffer in this life if we want to be accepted in theaven by Allah. You can have Manchester City.
With the Boggart Blog system for abolishing child poverty nobody is happy but every child is equally unhappy. Boggart Blog, working towards a fairer world.