Ooer Missis – It’s Carry On Campaigning

Politicians sometimes have train – wreck interviews on live media, especially when campaigning, but in the run up to a General Election which could see her party anihilated, Labour Party home affairs spokeswoman Diane Abbot surpassed all expectations by doing three train – wreck interviews in one day.

First off, with Nick Ferrari of LBC Radio: Ferrari wanted to focus on the completely whacky election promise made by Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn that if elected, his party would recruit 10,000 extra police officers , funding the project by reversing cuts to Capital Gains Tax made by the Conservatives:

When Ferrari questioned Labour’s figures, Diane Abbott struggling to explain how the party would fund the policy, started to bluster as she does whenever a question is asked that she cannot answer (Ms. Abbott does a lot of blustering).

The MP initially suggested that Labour would hire 10,000 officers for £300,000, which would would have left officers earning £30 a year.

Ms Abbott’s assessment of how many new officers would be recruited in one year ranged from 25,000 to 250,000.

TRANSCRIPT:
transcript:

Nick Ferrari: So how much would 10,000 police officers cost?

Diane Abbott: Well, if we recruit the 10,000 policemen and women over a four year period, we believe it’ll be about £300,000.

Nick Ferrari: £300,000?

Diane Abbott: Sorry, … (Interrupted)

Nick Ferrari: 10,000 police officers? What are you paying them?

Diane Abbott: No, I mean, sorry … (Interrupted)

Nick Ferrari: How much will they cost.

Diane Abbott: They will cost [long pause], it will cost, erm, about, about £80m.

Nick Ferrari: The £80m is the figure we use. But I don’t understand. If you divide £80m by 10,000, you get 8000.

Diane Abbott: What … (Interrupted)

Nick Ferrari: Is that what you’re going to pay these policemen and women?

Diane Abbott: No, we’re talking about a process over 4 years.

Nick Ferrari: I don’t understand. What is he or she? £80m divided by 10,000 equals £8000. So I don’t, what are these police officers going to be paid?

[papers rustle]

Diane Abbott: We will be paying them the average … (Interrupted)

Nick Ferrari: Has this been thought through?

Diane Abbott: Of course it’s been thought through!

Nick Ferrari: Where are the figures?

Diane Abbott: The figures are that the, the additional cost in year 1 when we anticipate recruiting 250,000 policemen will be £64.3m

Nick Ferrari: 250,000 policemen?

Diane Abbott: And women.

Nick Ferrari: Right. Where…? So you’re getting more than 10,000? You’re recruiting 250,000?

Diane Abbott: No, we are recruiting 2000 and perhaps 250. And the cost … (Interrupted)

Nick Ferrari: Where did 250,000 come from?

Diane Abbott: I think you said that not me.

Nick Ferrari: I can assure you – you said that figure because I wrote it down.

Diane Abbott: What I’m saying about the cost is in year 1 obviously we’re getting ready to recruit, but in year 2 the cost will be £64.3m, in year 3 the cost will be £139.1m, year 4 the cost will be £270m, and year 5 the cost will be £298m, and that can be amply covered by reversing the cuts in capital gains tax.

NEXT UP WAS AN APPEARANCE ON SKY TV’s BREAKFAST SHOW

Before we go into a transcript of the Sky interview, a little background is needed. The Labour Party, folllowing its usual campaign style of offering massive increases in public spending, and evasively mumbling something about taxing the rich when questioned bout how the extra expenditure will be funded, has already promised to spend money raised by reversing recent cuts to Capital Gains Tax (estimated at around £2bn) in a number of different areas including increased education budgets, more funding for arts, and higher welfare benefits.

SKY TRANSCRIPT – key sections

Sarah Jane Mee: Ok, but just going back, you have said that reversing cuts to capital gains tax will help arts funding schools and welfare – will that be in the manifesto fully costed?

Diane Abbott: Our policies will be fully costed, and I have to say I think it suits the Tories not to talk about the loss of 20,000 police officers, not to talk about the rise in violent crime, but to quibble about figures. Our manifesto will be fully costed and what people want to know, they want answers to their worries about the rise in violent crime.

Sarah Jane Mee: Well [the Conservatives] are saying it’s nonsensical because you’ve already spent this money when talking about other pledges – you’ve committed to – the capital gains tax – the money you’ll get from that – that £2bn – to things like schools, welfare and the arts, so you’ve already spent that money – how can you spend it on 10,000 police officers.

Diane Abbott: We’ve not actually committed that money to anything, we’ve used these huge cuts in capital gains tax, cuts which will only help the top 5%, we’ve used them to illustrate the type of places where we could get the money to fund some of our policies, but as we roll out our manifesto, you will see that each policy pledge is specifically costed, and this is a really important issue – the rise in violent crime on our streets.

Sarah Jane Mee: But you’ve made promises – Jeremy Corbyn, John McDonnell (Labour economic spokesman), have all stood up and said by reversing capital gains tax, we will help tackle these problems.

Diane Abbott: You will find that we haven’t specifically allocated the money. We are rolling out our manifesto, and this morning I am specifically allocating some of the £2.7bn to funding the 10,000 policemen.

One has to wonder what she will allocate it to tomorrow morning.

NOW OVER TO HER FINAL APPEANCE OF THE DAY (we hope) ON INDEPENDENT TELEVISION’S GOOD MORNING BRITAIN.

Having appeared to suggest earlier that policies already announced by Labour may never have been intended for inclusion in the party’s manifesto, or that massive tax increases would be needed to pay for them, in her next appearance abbot tries to back pedal by saying that the party is not promising anything but merely illustrating what they might do if elected. Unkind souls might suggest that if the party does not know what policies it will implement six weekes before an election they are unfit to govern by virtue of being a bunch of clueless incompetents.

GOOD MORNING BRITAIN TRANSCRIPT (key points)
The conversation has been steered by Piers Morgan to the number of times (12 according to his notes) Labour have promised to allocate this increased Capital Gains Tax revenue to specific projects:

Diane Abbott: I know you referenced that we’ve promised it, we’ve pledged it in to other areas – we’ve not pledged it in to other areas. We’ve always used it as an illustration of the type of Tory tax cut we’re going to reverse, but now as we roll out our manifesto, we’re specifically saying how we’re going to pay for the specific items in our manifesto.

Susanna Reid: This is the difference that you’re trying to make between a pledge and an illustration, because all your critics will say in August last year arts funding, Jeremy Corbyn promised money saying that that can be funded through a reversal of reductions in capital gains tax. On schools he would deal with the teacher shortage and rising class sizes by reversing the capital gains tax cut and on welfare John McDonnell, your shadow Chancellor, said that he would use the capital gains tax reversal to reverse the cuts in universal credits. So we’ve got to discount now all of those pledges and stick with this one. Is that the case?

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Callers Flood The BBC With Complaints Over Migrant Crisis Reporting Bias

A compilation of undisputable evidence of left wing political bias by The BBC in its reporting of Europe’s migrant crisis has been posted YouTube. In spite of rather amateurish production it shows BBC Radio 5 host Stephen Nolan at odds with much of his listenership.

In spite of technical shortcomings, the video doesn’t just show the BBC’s familiar tactic (used on both television discussion programmes and rado talk shows) of demonising and baiting guests / callers who don’t subscribe to its ‘right – on’ politically correct narratives, which in the case of the immigration crisis calls on the government to abandon all border controls and allow in anyone who turns up at our borders claiming to be a ‘refugee’. It also reveals that the publicly funded broadcaster is willing to silence, or cut off callers that it doesn’t want – in Nolan’s words – “taking up the airwaves”.

Nolan can be heard ignoring the clearly agitated callers’ requests for balance in their coverage, with multiple people telling him that they are sick of being made to feel perpetually guilty about the migrant crisis.

Despite the fact that 75 per cent of those coming to Europe from Syria are fighting age Muslim men, Nolan refuses to accept that we might not know who we as European nations are welcoming to the continent with open arms, instead seeking to emotionally blackmail his listeners with endless talk about “the children” who only make up around 10-15 per cent of Syrian migrants.

Towards the end of the clip, Nolan is asked to apologise by a number of callers, to a caller from the day before who they claim had been “slandered”. Nolan refuses, and says that those who wish to complain about his coverage should complain to the BBC directly rather than calling into his radio programme.

Specifically, complaints have been made about the treatment of “John from Swansea” who the bigot Nolan took to task on air for disagreeing with the loony left anti – British line adopted by the BBC

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Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation Cox Sackers?

Or are they just politically correct cupid stunts?

BBC behemoth of politically correct bullshit Radio 4 has been criticised after the words “cox sackers” were broadcast during an afternoon show.

The host of the Thinking Allowed show, Laurie Taylor, read out an email which referred to the sacking of a cox from a rowing team.

A listener complained that an afternoon show contained the “grossly offensive play on words”.

The incident took place at 4.15pm on April 25 last year.

WTF? Did this reader e – mail or text, “Why oh why must you broadcast grossly offensive wordplay on radio 4 in mid afernoon?” There is a law dating back to the 1960s you see that sates anyone who complains to the BBC must begin their complain with the words “Why oh why …”

The BBC Trust’s Editorial Standards Committee, which upheld the complaint, concluded: “The phrase was not articulated clearly enough and could easily have been misheard for the offensive word “c*** suckers” by the majority of the audience.”

That’s two words, I ought to mail the BBC and ask, “Why oh why must the BBC employ dickheads who can’t count to reply to window lickers who can’t hear properly?”

The verdict went on: “The committee was concerned that the content was broadcast at a time when a significant number of children are available to listen to the radio and are more likely to be travelling in cars where Radio 4 might be on during the school run.

Really? Do these maiden aunts think the little muthafuckers in modern schools don’t hear far worse language in the playground?

The BBC initially defended the broadcast, with its editorial complaints unit claiming that “the offensive words themselves are not actually used” and “Radio 4 is essentially an adult radio channel”.

But the trust ruled that it was in breach of the corporation’s editorial guidelines.

Boggart Blog’s Political Correctness correspondent Arthur Foxake thinks the complaint should have been rejected as everyone who listens to Radio 4 i brain dead and therefore it is not possible to offend them. On the other hand calling a show Thinking Allowed on a station that only broadcasts to the brain dead (who are offended by phrases like Cox sackers) is an offence under the trade descriptions act.

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Onesiegate

So Mr. Clegg owns up to owning a onesie, the nadir of sartorial elegance.
The alleged onesie is green and sports an Incredible Hulk motif.

The alleged onesie?

The alleged onesie indeed!

Digging deep in the best journalistic tradition espoused by Boggartblog I noticed some discrepancies in the story.

Anne Treneman, Parliamentary Sketch writer for The Times, claims the onesie question was first raised by a caller to a radio phone in.

“Harry” from Sheffield asked Little Nicky if he was a man of the people and if he owned a onesie.

Well, bearing in mind that young Nicky isn’t actually still at college and that he and his wife between them can well afford to put a shilling in the gas meter and eat something other than beans on toast I don’t really see how being a man of the people and owning a onesie are co-dependent.

According to Anne, Nick claimed he had been given a onesie but had not taken it out of the packaging.

However The Sun reports that Nick won the onesie in a Lib Dem raffle.

And funnily enough Harry from Sheffield turned oput to be a Lib Dem activist.

Hmmn.

Does this smack just a little of the Great Cornish Pasty scandal, when Dave claimed to have bought a Cornish pasty from a cornish pasty retailer at Leeds station, but later had to fudge as it was shown that there hadn’t been a cornish pasty retailer at Leeds station at the time.Perhaps there was a meeting that went something like this.

Minutes of Cabinet Meeting 07/01/13

DC. We’ve got to do something, the polls are showing us trailing with Labour out in front and Ukip coming up close on the rails.

GO. We need something to show we’re not posh boys, just ordinary people. Milliband has cornered the market on Wallace lookalikes, whilst Farage appeals to all those peole “who aren’t racist but they wouldn’t want to live next to an immigrant,” We need to have some common ground with the man in the street!

NC. We could do it through clothing. Look at how well Dave’s Sam was accepted when she wore an M&S dress.

DC. That’s a good point young Nick. Any ideas what the people are wearing, anybody?

GO. Anything from M&S will appeal to middle aged voters. Look at all the media interest when Paxo opined about their briefs.

DC. Good idea George. When I’m asked what I’m wearing I won’t mention the Saville Row suit, the Jermyn Street shirt, the Liberty silk tie or the Lobb shoes, I shall gloss that lot over and go for M&S pants!

GO. And I understand that the youngsters are quite taken with these onesie things, like romper suits for grown ups. Particularly popular with students and boy bands apparently.

DC. Well that should be right up Nick’s street then. He’s the member for Sheffield, home of two universities and Jarvis Cocker and The Arctic Monkeys. Over to you Nick.

NC. I don’t think Miriam will agree to me wearing a onesie…

DC. Well you don’t HAVE to wear it, just say you’ve got one. I’ll get the press guys set up to ask the questions at our next interviews….
“And what are you wearing today Dave?”
“Do you own a onesie, Nick”
Bob’s your uncle, we’ll be streaking ahead in the polls before you could unzip a onesie!

For Once The Animal Was Sober (not sure about the human)

At this time of year Boggart Blog likes to bring you news about the misdemeanours of animals that have become intoxicated on alcohol formed by natural fermentation while dining on fruit fallen from trees. These stories usually involve sober humans being left traumatised following encounters with inebriated elks, squiffy squirrels, bladdered badgers, sozzled starlings and pie-eyed porkers.

This story however concerns animals that were stone cold sober and following the green cross code. The deer were travelling (to a stag night?) cross – country near Fargo, (a village close to Wells), when their presence pissed off a passing driver so much she felt compelled to call the local radio station. The call went like this:

This is Dave Rogers Talktime, Fargo, North Dakota, radio station Y94, Our next caller is Donna. Donna has some problems with deer crossings. Over the last few years, she’s been involved in several deer-related car accidents, and she decided to call the show to talk about how her deer crossing issues should be address. The airwaves are yours Donna.

“I want to know why are government people placing the signs in high-traffic areas?”

Well maybe they place signs where the deer want to cross roads Donna.

“If that’s why, shouldn’t we be encouraging deer to cross the road in low-traffic areas rather than on busy highways?”

Maybe it’s because the deer can’t read the crossing signs but drivers can Donna. We have to make allowances for dumb animals

“The government have the money and the technology, they can guide deer to lower traffic areas, it’s unfair drivers should be inconvenience by having to slow down or stop for deer when we have to get to work or to an appointment. Derr don’t pay taxes why should they be treated like they are privileged”

We’re sure the government have teams of scientists working on it, Donna. Thanks for your call.

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For once the animal was sober

Tribute to Humphrey Lyttelton

Read an interview with former Goodie Tim Brooke Taylor today. Tim paid tribute to his former colleague on Radio 4’s comedy panel show “I’m soory I haven’t a clue” and revealed the show’s host for many years Humphrey Lyttelton was responsible for the most outrageous innuendos broadcast by the BBC.

Most of Lyttelton’s quips concerned an imaginary studio assistant Samantha. Here, because I couldn’t be arsed witing much myself today, is a selection

Why doesn’t Viagra work on chavs?
Because they only get hard when they have ten mates behind them.

“Samantha’s going out now for an ice cream with her new Italian gentleman friend. She says she’s looking forward to licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan.”

“Samantha has popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who’s a notorious tightwad. However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out.”

“In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section.”

Samantha went along to the gramophone library earlier to collect the teams’ records. It’s pitch black down there, so Samantha and the elderly archivist have taken to searching the shelves by candlelight, which can be messy, so while Samantha passes down the discs, the nice man holds the ladder while he cleans the dust and wax off in the dark.

* Record researcher Samantha has made one of her customary visits to the gramophone library where she runs errands for the kindly old archivists, such as nipping out to fetch their sandwiches. Their favourite treat is cheese with homemade chutney, but they never object when she palms them off with relish.

* As usual, Samantha has been down in the gramophone library researching the teams’ records, aided and abetted by the two kindly old archivists, Curly Smith and Chalky White. Samantha was saying she’s been helping them rearrange their work rosters recently. Chalky was getting a bit worried that Samantha might reduce his overtime shift, but cheered up when instead he saw her shorten Curly’s.

* DJ Samantha has been doing her usual extensive research down in the gramophone library, aided by the kindly old archivist. It’s hard work, and she says they both get quite weary, so the archivists have a fold-up bed to take a nap in the afternoons, and has provided Samantha with a comfy reclining armchair so that she can put her feet up while he gets his head down.

* Samantha spent a few hours down in the gramophone library researching the teams’ discs earlier, and took her little dog with her. She likes to dress the little thing in her own stylish canine clothing range, and the elderly archivists say they all appreciate her doggy fashion.

* Samantha has to nip off to the National Opera, where she’s been giving private tuition to the singers. Having seen what she did with the baritone, the director is keen to see what she might do for a tenor.

__________________

As is customary, Samantha went down to the gramaphone library earlier, where she says there’s been some sort of misunderstanding. Of late, the usually friendly archivists haven’t been very welcoming, claiming Samantha has been rubbing them up the wrong way. She says she had to give them a good mouthful, and that soon put them straight.
__________________

Record researcher Samantha visits the gramaphone library every workday, where she says she finds the old archivists like to indulge in petty bartering before they’ll fetch her chosen disks. This could be irritating, but Samantha says she doesn’t really mind if they want to dicker about five times a week.
_________________

Radio 2 Hits The Road, Jack!

Now I don’t kmow if this is just a happy coincidence, or if the chap who was sitting in for Chris Evans is now sitting in for Steve Wright and playing his favourite songs, or if someone has been cleaning out the old record cupboard at the BBC and decided to see what these old vinyl discs sound like but twice, yes twice, within the past fourteen days Hit The Road Jack by Ray Charles has been played on primetime radio.

Rock On Tommy!

Love Like Chains

Stupid Idea Of The Week: The Child Illusion.

Boggart Blog like to give out awards. People think we are bad tempered, curmudgeonluy piss takers who can see no good in anything but they could not be more wrong. We always like to give credit where its due. An example of this is our Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award which we have not been able to award for several weeks because no criminals stupid enough have come to our attention.

No worries, we are delighted to announce the inaugural Boggart Blog Most Gobsmakingly Stupid Idea Of The Week Award. The first award in this series goes to the municipal traffic engineers in Vancouver B.C. for this:

Drivers near 22nd street in West Vancouver will be confronted with what seems like a young girl running after a ball in front of their vehicle. In reality, it’s a decal on the pavement that looks like a real person. Signage near the 3D image reads “You’re probably not expecting kids to run out on the road.”

No. And we’re not expecting stupid cunts to trick us into thinking a kid has run out into the road either.

OK so this trick is great the first day, it causes many multiple pile ups as drivers brake hard to avoid the child. There is blood, there are deaths and serious injuries. Then word spreads through group e-mails, blogs, tweets, local TV and Radio news etc.

Next day everyone knows its an optical illusion and drives past without slowing down.

And they next time a kid runs into the road in front of one of those drivers they think, “Oh, it only one of those stupid optical illusion things” and splat.

Municipal authority of Vancouver you we give you this golden fuckwit statuette for your self importance, stupidity and total lack of the ability to think things through.

Heather Mills – Tight Arse Of The Year

You’d think after being awarded a £20+ million divorce settlement celebrity divorcee Heather Mills would be happy to pay her own way in life instead of touting for freebies.

But no, she astounded radio station staff manning the lines for a Heart FM phone in competition to win free tickets to a gig by joining the phone in competition.

Unsurprisingly perhaps it was not a Paul McCartney gig.

Heather Mills Wins Free Gig Tickets

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

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Shock, Horror! Schools Teaching FILTH!

We don’t hear much from the Mary Whitehouse brigade and their campaign against FILTH! in the media in these amoral times but they are alive and well. The best place to find them is on radio phone – ins. A good FILTH! story always makes for an easy life for Boggart Blog reporters so when we saw on The Anorak yesterday the story of a schoolteacher who had topped up her salary by moonlighting as a lingerie model and the fuss that resulted when the pictures inevitably found their way onto the internet it was obvious an hour listening to radio today would be very fruitful.

We were not wrong.

“No wonder we have the highest rate of teenage pregnancies in Europe when schools are encouraging FILTH!” stormed one caller.

The Boggart Blog team are always fascinated by these “teenage pregnancies” statistics that are thrown about to back up claims of the moral decay of society. A 19 year old woman is still technically a teenager but may have been married for several years.

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells and company are not interested in such subtleties. They are interested in FILTH! and ladies underwear is FILTH! in their view. We must assume the ladies of Tunbridge Wells do not have bodies. Or maybe they go commando. Anyway even though the teacher pictured filling her bra and panties very attractively was showing neither nipple nor pube she is still a candidate for tarring and feathering.

One caller demanded the abolition of the internet. When the presenter explained it was rather hard to abolish something that cannot really be said to exist, she refused to be put off.
“It does exist,” she declared, “and what is more it pumps FILTH! into people’s homes night and day.

I logged onto the net but all I could find was stuff about G20, warnings of a new virus and a report that said The Guardian will cease publication in print today and in future only be available on Twitter. All part of an evil capitalist conspiracy maybe but hardly FILTH!

Never mind. On the radio the phone in was still going on. Another caller opined that any time now we could expect to hear the FILTH! merchants who run our schools plan to offer GCSE courses in stripping, lap dancing “and worse.”

These people are so stuck in the twentieth century. Have they not heard Universities have offered degrees in lap dancing for nearly a decade?

Oops Sorry, I forgot to put the link in.
SEE THE FILTH! for yourself sexiest teacher trouble

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