Ever dreamed of having a stretch limo with a jacuzzi on board?

A few years ago on American blog sites there was a thing going round with the label “You know you’re a redneck when …”

Things that came up were along the lines of “You know you’re a redneck when your lawn has more scrap cars than your wife has teeth”.

Or “You know you’re a redneck when your sister is your aunt.” (Could equally apply to people from Norfolk of course.)

One certain redneck identifier however is the ability to find really creative ways to use that old pick up truck that has been in the yard for years because you never got round to fixing it up (well brewing up crystal math just eats up so much time)

I think this one takes the prize …

redneck pool

And what a great way to utilize a spare tarp.

The New Redneck Sport – Animal Throwing

You may not have heard of the sport of pig throwing yet but I predict it is going to be the next big thing, surpassing pie – eating, dwarf – bowling and even cesspit snorkelling in popularity.
In West Point Mississippi a man named Kevin Pugh has become the first to be convicted of pig throwing. Pugh was fined $249 for throwing a pig at a hotel receptionist. Its a strange amount to be fined but I suppose it was the maximum $150 for assaulting the receptionist but only $124 for throwing a pig as the creature only weighed 60 pounds.
It is not clear why Pugh threw a pig at the victim. Hotel receptionists are usually polite and helpful but occasional mutants have been mistaken for members of genus Jobsworth due to their infuriating refusal to listen to reason.
Any fault on the part of the receptionist involved in the case seems unlikely however as the Pugh pig-throw was one of a spate of check-shirt-wearing-pickup-truck-driving-lard-arse related animal throwing incidents in the West Point area that night.
A police spokesman said, “It must be some new redneck thing because no similar incidents have ever been reported before.
Pugh has pleaded not guilty to a further charge of throwing a possum at fast food restaurant counter hand.
On grounds of diminished responsibility we assume.
The psychiatric report will make interesting reading.

New England Rednecks Attack Dover

I was surprised to read in my paper this morning that Dover is being attacked by rednecks. The mothers of Dover (Mass.)are having to carry baseball bats, hockey sticks and tennis raquets to fend of attacks on children in baby buggies by wild male rednecked turkeys that have invaded the town.

Nice to know that Dubya and his friends have managed to get away from the white house for the weekend.