Sezjez has been looking for some gainful employment whilst she decides what she wants to do with her life.
She went down to the local youth employment office, Connexions, and registered, saying she thought she might like to try journalism, the media or PR.
First of all they notified her about a vacancy as an apprentice butcher. Hmmn, obviously thinking about journalists also being called hacks, and the savaging given to our fallen idols by the Screaming Redtops – Hi Tiger, at least now we know how a golfer got the nickname Tiger, GRRRR.
Today another missive arrives, this one for an apprenticeship in Retail, working towards an NVQ in Retail.
An NVQ in RETAIL!
The mind boggles.
I could have an NVQ in retail, I worked in the family business for a couple of years. On my C.V. it says Sales Assistant. I went along, I set out the stock, put up displays, wrote signs, talked to potential customers and tried to persuade them to part with their hard earned cash in exchange for items of gentlemen’s apparel. Took the money, gave the change, all without the aid of an electronic till, logged the sale for stock control purposes, cashed up at the end of the day, closed up, went home. But I didn’t think of doing it like that. It was just the job.
I don’t really think any of that warrants a qualification. It’s called doing a job.
If you’re no good at selling, say you tell the 6 foot 5 inch beanpole that a 38 waist with a 29 leg is absolutely the correct size, even when he’s wrapped the fastened trousers round his body twice and the hem of the legs barely reaches his knees, then you’re not going to make the sale and selling is probably not the career for you.
But it makes you wonder what the modules for an NVQ in Retail might be.
Level 1: Successfully identify a retail establishment.
Successfully identify customers in a retail
Identify the sales counter and name three
pieces of equipment you would find on the
counter. NB the cashiers coffee cup isn’t
one of them.
Level 2: Demonstrate the ability to look straight
through customers waiting to be served
whilst continuing your conversation with
another member of staff.
Demonstrate the ability to disappear for at
least half an hour whilst you go to check
the stockroom for that particular size, colour
Demonstrate the ability to judge when the
queue at the till is going to start snaking
out of the door and then announce that it is
time for your lunchbreak.
Level 3: Customer service. Show how you would explain
the problem is entirely the customer’s without
using abusive language.
Show a range of dirty looks that you could
use behind a stroppy customer’s back.
Give a verbal account of everything that
makes a customer a shop-person’s worst fucking