RyanAir or Mastercard?

Mybe it’s because I’m flying out to Dublin for a few days on Sunday, but when I saw H&M advertizing bikini by featuring a lithesome young gel in a skimpy two piece with “bikini top £3.99” to the side of her left breast, it didn’t make me want to go out and buy one, it made me wonder just how much the unpriced bikini bottom was… a bit like those RyanAir ads that say “Fly to Spain for just £1!!!” and then when you take up their offer you discover it costs £897.99 to fly home again.

Either that or it was a Mastercard ad

Bikini top £3.99

Bikini bottom priceless

for everything else there’s Mastercard

Ryanair To Let Passenger Fly Planes?

As the recession grinds on the travel business is increasingly hard hit. Holiday firms are going bust at a rate of about one a week, even cutting prices below cost is not encouraging cash strapped punters to book holidays and rumours are flying around suggesting several major airlines are threatened with bankruptcy.

Among all this mayhem there is one success story however. Budget airline Ryanair go from strength to strength thanks to their ruthless commitment to efficiency and radical cost cutting measures. Everybody has heard of Ryanair’s £1 flights but few who have not travelled with them know about the £500 in flight snacks and the £20 charge to visit the toilet while airborne. Who among us could fail to recognize the sheer business genius of offering passengers cheap one way fares to popular destinations then making them sign over their home before they can get on a return flight.

Ryanair’s latest cost cutting scheme is an example of the kind of radical thinking we need get the global economy out of recession. The airline plans to abolish the role of co pilot and let trolley dollies fly the planes.

A spokesman for the company told Boggart Blog, “The co – pilot is only needed during take off and landing and as cabin crew cannot serve drinks or sell duty free while those manoeuvres are in progress their time is wasted. We plan to give stewards and stewardesses full training on and make sure they are earning their salary all the time they are in the air. Paying people to sit on their arses is no way to run a business.

According to a corporate press release the cabin crew will be given access via their laptops and an internet link to a flight simulator game and will not be allowed to take the controls of a real plane until they have reached level seven.

When asked about further rumours that the company is planning to make all flight crew redundant and let passengers fly themselves our contact said, “This is not definite yet but is a very real possibility. Most of the business of flying is done by computers these days so paying some bastard a big fat salary to make announcements over the PA system is becoming a bit of an expensive luxury. Flying a plane is not big and its not clever. Pilots have far too high an opinion of themselves. Anyone who can drive a smart phone can fly a 747.

Apple Computer, makers of iPhone, the market leading smart phone have announced a business partnership with Ryanair and revealed they are ready to launch three apps for wannabe do it yourself flyers, iFly, iLand and iHit-turbulence-and-crap-myself.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

Solar Powered Plane To Start Commercial Service

Great news for fans of the planet, a solar powered plane has completed a 24 hour flight, flying through the night without comsuming a drop of fossil fuel.

The ultra light aircraft named The Zephyr, which can rise to incredible heights and travels faster than a tortoise is, according to its builders, an example of the future of commercial passenger air travel. Though the current version need a push from its pilot’s mates in order to build up enough speed for takeoff future versions will be propelled into the air from from a giant peashooter, the propellant force being provided by a Jeremy Clarkson driven Range Rover. Once airborne however the Zephyr lives up to its name by displaying its ability to fly in a stable and controlled manner in winds of up to 6 mph.

The best news for developers, technology firm Quinitic, is that the first commercial order has already been placed.

Ryanair have bought a fleet of 20.

On A Wing And A Cheap Ticket

An attempt by two British women to establish a world wing walkiing record this week proved successful. Wing walking involves people, usually women, attaching themselves to a frame bolted to the wing of an aircraft and making a flight.

This may seem a particularly pointless activity only likely to be undertaken by the terminally bored.

Bogart Blog can exclusively report however that wing walking, although it does not exactly involve walking, has attracted commercial interest.

Ryanair say they are investigating the possibility of introducing a cheap “wing walker” ticket on some of their holidayholiday, humour, blog flights.

Ryanair To Let Passengers Fly Planes

More humour every day at Boggart Blog.

Ryan Air Cheap Flight Revolution.

Budget airline Ryanair have developed a wonderful business plan to be the recession. They will fly you anywhere in the world for £1 but will charge £500 to use the lav if you need an in flight waz or possibly more for a poo.

We often notice how news stories that come into the office complement each other, one of the advantages of making the news up perhaps. Yesterday we reported on Americans’ use of copious amounts of toilet toilet, paper today we predict that having persuaded passengers to pay for use of the toilet they will come up with the idea of charging £1 for every sheet of bog roll used. On a flight to New York, Miami, L.A. or any major U.S. airport the airline could clean up.

More humour every day from Boggart Blog