Pissing Off The Scientologists Could Cost You

After reporting a UFO sighting over the West Sussex HQ of the church Of Scientology, managers of top selling tabloid The Sun received a legal snottogram from the Alien worshipping church’s lawyers.

The case was settled out of court when The Currant Bun published an apology:

“In a article on Saturday headlined “Flying Saucers over British Scientology HQ we stated that two flat silver discs were seen above the Chruch’s HQ. Following a letter from lawyers for the church we apologise to any alien life forms for linking them to the Scientologists.

The story began last Saturday when the Sun published a report about the pilots of three passenger jets who saw “two flat, silver discs” in the airspace over the Scientology HQ in West Sussex as they were queuing to land at England’s second major airport, Gatwick.

The encounter, which happened on the morning of December 30 last year, lasted seven minutes and was substantiated by air traffic control staff who spotted six UFOs on their radar before they suddenly vanished.

The Sun quoted a former UK Ministry of Defence UFO investigator, Nick Pope, who called the sightings “spectacular” and said the evidence was “first rate – the witnesses are experienced pilots and there is radar evidence to back up their stories”.

The church ,which requires followers to believe humans are shape shifting lizards opps, wrong cult, aliens who landed on earth took offence when the Sun published an article about flying saucers sighted over its headquarters in the English countryside.

Boggart Blog says if the Scientologists can’t stand a bit of piss taking can they be taken seriously as a religion?

If you thought American’s didn’t do irony … or is it Ironytology

Here’s Will Smith fronting a current campaign by sharing his wisdom with us.

Will Smith
L Ron Smith

Strangely he seems to have forgotten he is a Scientologist.

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Kidman’s Alien Sex Fetish

Statuesque blonde Australian actress and sex symbol (if you like that sort of thing) Nicole Kidman has confessed in a celebrity interview with GQ magazine that in one of her love affairs she had explored “strange fetish stuff.” Though Kidman declined to identify which of her ex lovers was into “strange fetish stuff” she also mentioned that she had burned some of the diaries she kept while married to Hollywood sex thimble Tom Cruise. Cruise is a high ranking member of The Church of Scientology, a religious cult that requires its devotees to believe life was brought to earth by a race of aliens called The Thetans.

We are not suggesting that diminutive actor Tom Cruise is in any way freaky of course, how could we possibly know whether or not he liked to dress as an alien, suspend his slender, attractive wife by her wrists from a hook in he ceiling and lash her with a wet noodle. This is a responsible news blog, not one of those vile celebrity scandal sheets. Neither would we disparage The Church Of Scientology by suggesting they are an evil, mind – bending cult. They hate people referring to them like that so we won’t, OK.

What struck us as most odd about Nicole Kidman’s interview with GQ was that it ran under the headline, “Kidman still not playing by the rules.”

How can a celebrity doing a sex-laden confessional interview with a glossy magazine when she has a new book, film or product to promote ever possibly be described as “not playing by the rules.”

I mean how?

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Tom Cruise Wins Highest Honour of scientology

Boggart Blog’s long running campaign to bring to the attention of the public the leading role played by Hollywood Micro-megastar Tom Cruise (4’6”) in the sinister Church of Scientology cult is finally vindicated. Month’s ago we sent our undercover invisible investigative reporter Soft Mick to obtain evidence. Now we are frequently disappointed with the outcome of Mick’s assignments as he always gets the information but instead of bringing it back to the office to give us an exclusive but being a creature composed of electromagnetic echoes he gets caught up in an electrical storm or collides with a radio transmitter and the information is broadcast throughout the global communications networks. This time the story landed of You Tube. Still, if we employed humans, not only would they be at a disadvantage against the Thetans, the alien superbeings Scientologists believe themselves to be human manifestations of, they would also be prone to being lured into pubs. This is what happened to the BBC (Boggart Blog Cub) reporter last time we sent him on an assignment.
But enough of my complaining about the problems a blog editor has managing supernatural and human staff, back to the story.
The video footage that appeared on You Tube showed a filmed interview intended only for release to neophyte Scientologists in which Tom talks about the Freedom Medal of Valour, Scientology’s top award, which looks uncannily like one of those super hero medallions kids used to get free with chewing gum. Only eighty Scientologists have been awarded the medal which perhaps indicates a shortage of chewing gum. Strangely the recipients are mostly high profile celebrities from the world of sport, television or showbiz.
A spokesthetan for the Church of Scientology explained, “ The medal is awarded because Cruises’ humanitarian work reached a larger global population. Skipping over the obvious question “Which larger globe are we talking about?” we have to say that Scientologists are rather fetishistic about medals and awards. This all seems to stem from their founder L. Ron Hubbard feeling miffed because he did not get as many medals as he thought he should for service in the U.S. Military in WW2.
The puppyish excitement (how gay is that?) Cruise showed when speaking of his award reminded us of Muttley’s behaviour when given a medal by Dick Dastardly in that cartoon spin off from Whacky Races, Stop The Pigeon or something.
We must not forget however, as well as being a leading Scientologist Tom Cruise is still one of the most highly paid stars in the movies. Or was…
We hear his next film project is Mission Impossible 22 – Rescue Your Career

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MORE humour every day from boggart blog.

It’s A Great Career Move, Britney.

Our reporter in LA, C. Leb-Stalker brings us exciting news of an overheard conversation between Britney Spears and her agent, from the management firm, Screwem, Shaftem and Dropem.

Brit; Manny babe, I didn’t make the frontpage yesterday. You think the mental problems are getting a bit old hat?

Manny; Old hat, schmold hat! I think you’ve just about covered everything on the mental probs, Britney baby. You’ve done leaving the kids in the car, you’ve done driving under the influence, you’ve done the night on the town with no knickers, you’ve done the hasty, short marriage, you’ve done the shaving all your hair off, you’ve done the getting a tattoo, you’ve done the being restrained in the back of an ambulance and now your back to running off with someone. I think the public are getting a bit bored Britney babe. I think we need to find a new angle You know what I mean, Britney?

Brit; Yeah I guess, but what can we try next? I’ve already done the comeback, overweight and off-key. What else is there?

Manny; Well Britney babe there is one option, it’s a hard road but I guarantee it won’t fail. Many a star has taken this path before when their careers started flagging.

Brit; Do you mean make a movie Manny? I think that’s a good idea, I can’t act but what the hell!

Manny; No Britney, I didn’t mean make a movie, this is something that has a much bigger impact than one lousy movie!

Brit; Oh I know, get someone to write my tell all autobiography. Brilliant idea, but don’t you think I could be getting a little too old for that?

Manny; No Britney I’m still thinking of something bigger than that. Loads of people have done it before and it has assured them of iconic status… forever!

Brit; Wow, Manny, I just can’t think of anything else, what have you got in mind?

Manny; Well now, you have to look at this in the right frame of mind Britney baby, you’ve got to step back from the initial drawbacks and look at the bigger picture, career-wise, you know what I’m saying?

Brit, Sure I know what yopu’re saying Manny, we’ve been through this before with the mental probs and all!

Manny; Yeah Britney babe, but this is the big one. It’s worked for countless other celebs. Think Princess Di. Think Jim Morrison. Think Marilyn. Think Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. Hell, think Elvis! They’re all really big. They’ve had films made about them, books written, songs dedicated to them. They earn millions of pounds a year…

Brit; Er Manny, they’re all like, dead, y’know?

Manny; Y’know? Of course I know! It was the best career move they made and it’s the career move that you need to make next Britney baby, if you want to keep your name up there in lights, if you want to stay on the tip of everyone’s tongue, if you want immortality! Death is the way forward!

Britney; Oh yeah Manny, let’s do it!

You Couldn’t Make It Up # 3791: Scientology.

Note from Boggart Blog’s Chief Ectoplasmic Officer Jenny Greenteeth: Sometimes a story comes in that are just so made for Ian’s style of insane ramblings we can do nothing but let him loose – JG.

We heard the news through one of the nuttier radio stations Mrs. Thorpe tunes into that Tom Cruise is threatening to sue Andrew Morton, an author who specialises is unofficial biographies of the loonier fringe of the celebrity world.
Superstar Scientologist Tom Cruise (4’6”) is considering suing the writer and his publishers over allegations that the child Cruise claims he fathered on second wife Kelly (6’4”) is not their natural child but in fact was conceived from the frozen sperm of failed sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the evil mind control cult of Scientology.
Regular readers may remember from earlier Boggart Blog posts concerning the evil cult of Scientology that followers are required to believe L. Ron Hubbard was in psychic contact with Lord Xena the Warrior Princes or something like that, evil overlord of the Thetans a race of alien superbeings who, having been thrown out of the Intergalactic Federation for interbreeding with primitive lifeforms, came to Earth and waited sisty million or so years until humans evolved so they could get jiggy with cavewomen (Genesis 6:1.)
Now the people who feel called to join the scientology cult and get in touch with their inner Thetan can be admitted to the secrets of the inner sanctum of scientology by completing a rigorous training course which involves paying the cult $350,000. Once admitted to the higher echelons, scientologists learn how they can live forever and are granted super powers like comic book heroes.
The Church of Scientology is very hot on controlling the reproductive processes of its members. Nicole Kidman (7’6”) the first wife of midget megastar Cruise became pregnant twice during their marriage but neither pregnancy went to full term. There have been rumours that the Thetans intervened and aborted the pregnancies because Kidman a down to earth Australian was not deemed nutty enough to be mother to a half alien baby.
Cruise’s lawyers deny all of this saying the allegations are too ludicrous to be taken seriously and the actor has not yet made up his mind whether to sue.

We do not suppose their is any chance of Cruise and the missis taking little Sumi on the Jerry Springer show for a DNA test.

MORE new houmour every day from Boggart Blog

Sports car spirituality?

The Church of Scientology is trying to reach out to more Americans by embracing US motor sport. Scientologists will sponsor a Nascar racing team, called the Dianetics Racing Team. Nascar is the most popular spectator sport in the US, with 75 million fans.

Other Nascar teams are complaining that the Scientologists cars will have an unfair advantage as the Team Dianetics with be using revolutionary Orbitally Modified Monoatomic Element fuelled engines provided by the Thetans.

The whole plan could backfire though. Bearing in mind what we know of the mentality of motor sport fans Boggart Blog believes the positive thinking cult will probably drive people away from Nascar now that Nicole Kidman has announced her return to Roman Catholicism.

Scream and Scream again

Recent reports that the baby of Tom Cruise (4’9″) and his girlfriend whose name temporarily escapes me would be born in silence as TC’s scientologist faith disapproves of mothers to be screaming as it can give the baby “engrams” which might sound like something a Kenneth Williams character in a Carry On film might be suffering from when approached by Hattie Jaques but is actually one of the drawbacks to having been dropped off on Earth to kick start civilisation by the Thetans.

Yes people do believe this stuff folks.