War In Iraq? Lard Bombs Away

ultimate deterrent for middle east war
 How to prevent Islamic State fighters raping non Mulim women. (source: cdnlolzbook)

As usual Boggart Blog is totally against Britain becoming embroiled in another sectarian conflict in the middle east (the theme tune of which will be I Hate You Babe by Sunni and Shia.)

It looks however very much as though or parlimentarians who are debating the issue of whether we should join in the Obama administration’s air strikes on the Islamic State forces in Iraq will approve our return to the killing fields of Iraq.

But rather than send our clapped out, thirty year old warplanes to fire rockets and heavy calibre cannons and drop bombs on the IS, bearing in mind these guys are all fundamentalist Muslims we have a better idea. We can beat the Islamic State without shedding blood.

All we have to do is get our Kurdish allies fire bacon rolls from Mortars while US and British cargo planes drop Lard Bombs from cargo planes. At meddle east surface temperatures the lard will be soft when it hits the ground and will splatter over a wide area, taking out many IS fighters as their Imams declare them unclean.

Better still, to drive the fundamentalists out of the occupied area altogether liquify the lard by mixing it with vegetable oil, stir in pureed SPAM and spray the whole area with the resulting mixture from high flying planes adapted for the job. If the Islamists touch anything or even breathe in any droplets they are unclean and cannot fight because if they die they can’t get into heaven, no eternal life singing the praises of Allah, no virgins, nothing.

Our solution is humane (although not very good for pigs used to make bacon, SPAM and Lard), non lethal, biodegradable, and quite cheap compared to smart bombs that cost £2million a bang and no matter what target they are programmed to hit will seek out and destroy the only wedding party in a ten thousand square mile area.

Disaster Dave’s Latest Screw Up On The International Stage
Tomorrow (26 September, 2014) the UK Parliament will meet to vote on whether Britain should support Prime Minister David Cameron and US President and Warmonger – in – Chief Barack Hussein Obama in launching yet another war in the middle east, this time against the forces of the Islamic Caliphate, a fundamentalist organisation set up by groups funded armed and trained by the USA and its allies in their quest to overthrow the regime of Bashar Al Assad in Syria.

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Web Links Penalised – I Told You Google Were Evil

Boggart Blog has always said Google are evil, “don’t be evil, that’s our job,” is the corporate motto. Which is why they see nothing wrong with manipulating search results and introducing ‘penalties’ for ehat they say is manipulation of search results but which in fact is for the purpose of manipulating search results for Google’s benefit.

If your site is doing too well and is not making any revenue for google (i.e. buying traffic via the adwords system) you could very well get hit. The latest Google scam is imposing a penalty on sites that used guest bloggers to boost their content.

Apparently even if you are reproducing a public domain document of undoubted quality by a well known philosopher or writer who work is acknowledged to be of the highest standard, Google may see it as spam content. And if somebody’s site is hit with a penalty for such content, it can cost the owner their livelihood.

Read more about how Google cheat web users and web site owners in the article below from Web Pro News. And then ask yourself why do we put up with these evil shits.

Google Has Reputable Sites Afraid To Link Naturally

By: Chris Crum | Staff Writer, Web Pro News

And the freaking out continues….

As mentioned in a previous post, Google has reignited the link removal hysteria by going after guest blog posts. People who have written guests posts on other sites over the years are now rushing to have their links removed just in case Google doesn’t like them, and decides to penalize their sites. Who can blame them when Google is in fact penalizing sites for guest posts?

Have you tried to have any links removed since Google started cracking down on guest blogging? Would you seek to remove all guest post links if Google were to give you an unnatural link warning? Let us know in the comments.

This may have been a perfectly acceptable practice for years on the Internet, but Google has now decided that it doesn’t like it much, and is making people pay.

Of course the message has been that guest blogging for SEO is bad, but high quality guest posts for editorial purposes are just fine. The problem is you’re leaving it up to Google’s judgment, and that might not be the same as yours. Because of this, people are also wondering if they need to put nofollows on all guest blog links.

The thing about this is that some might argue that high quality guest posts should be counted as a signal of quality in a person’s favor, and by extension in their site’s favor through a link. That can provide encouragement for some to write these posts. But Google is probably looking at that as a “link scheme,” even if it seems perfectly legit to everybody else.
Econsultancy, a respected digital marketing and ecommerce resource site, announced (via Search Engine Roundtable) that it is “taking a safety first approach. That means adding nofollow links in the bios of guest bloggers”.

Continue reading Google Has Reputable Sites Afraid To Link Naturally at Web Pro News

Ragnarok – Spammageddon Is Upon Us

Norse MythPicture Source: Media Cache

Ragnarok, the Viking Armageddon is almost upon us. Some plank has wasted part of their precious time on the planet calculating the date on which the final battle between the Norse Gods and the forces of darkness will take place. And it is on February 22 this year. yes folks just ten days away, only a week and a half left to eat Spam, drink beer and swive flaxen haired maidens (if you can get hold of any – if not, bleached blondes will do).

In case you didn’t know Ragnarok is the final, bloody battle between gods and heroes, and the assorted baddies or north European myth including trolls, goblins, elves (not cutesy pie ones with wings but nasty pieces of work like dragons like Nidhogg which will emerge from Nifleheim, the nether world and chew through the sapwood of Yggdrasil, the tree of life. Oh and the Midgard serpent will eat its tail.

According to that unimpeachable source the tourist brochure published by the Jorvik Viking Centre in York, Ragnarok is due in just a few days. Makes one wonder why they bothered with a brochure for the 2014 summer season when Skoll the ice wolf is going to swallow the sun and refuse to sick it up.

Ragnarok does promise to be quite a spectacle however, Angrbodr, the she demon, mother of all evil with have a really bad bout of PMT, the Earth will split open, releasing the inhabitants of Hel. As they attack the ice giants of Jotunheim come crashing over the horizon, the dead heroes of Valhalla led by Odin and his twelve berserkers and including my ancestors Erik Bloodaxe and his best mate Thorfinn Skullsplitter will rush down from heaven to fight them.

There will be – among other highlights – a giant serpent writhing out of the sea, the aforementioned Skoll eating the polar ice cap because he’s learned that swallowing the sun was an extremely bad idea, Himinhrjot the giant man eating Ox eating giant men, Garm the hellhound will escape and my favourite, a ghost ship made from toenail clippings will attack cities and villages. It all sounds like the auditions round of The X Factor.

Just like classical mythology, the Bible and Shakespeare, the Norse myths can be traced like a thread running through Western culture and yet nobody has ever thought of teaching them in schools. Not surprising in this politically correct era, all the raping, pillaging and plundering would have bleeding hearts in a right old tizzy and the goblins, elves, wizards that Wagner and the Nazis adored makes it a tad embarrassing for the rest of us to admit an interest. As J RR Tolkien said, “that bloody little ignoramus Hitler ruined the Norse myths for everyone”.

The best revenge against The Fuhrer then is to reclaim the myths he hijacked and return them to their true place in cluture. Or at least get to know them before Ragnarok. Happy swiving.

Enjoy a Viking feast with Monty Pythons Flying Circus:

Link to video: http://youtu.be/g8huXkSaL7o

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A Little Moderation In The Comment Threads

Due to the reappearance of spam comments I have had to restrict unmoderated commenting to “Friends Only”. If you are a blog.co.uk member but not on my friends list please be patient, all comments will be accepted except span and abuse.

Or you can sens me a friends request, I accept all except those from businesses that regularly spam comment threads with plus for payday loans, fake designer stuff, viagra etc.

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

The Spammers are back. I just spent half an hour clearing spam comments from my blog. I used to be very lazy and let spam comments go unless they particlarly offended me (e.g. Payday loans ads and for some season Ugg Boots)

But unfortunately blog.co.uk were hit with a Google ‘spam site’ penalty which killed our traffic and proved more difficult to get rid of than syphilis.

So ignoring the links to online gambling sites and other such crap is not an option this time round. From now on the only SPAM Boggart Blog will accept is the pink stuff.

Monty Python – The Spam Sketch

Take your Ugg boots and stick them so far up your …

The spammers are still busy in spite of all Google’s inept and ineffectual attempts to stop them.

In one way it is satisfying to know everything that bunch of incompetent semi autistic idiots do to try to stomp on comment spam actually rewards spammers. And that least the comments the spammers post do not now dilute our score for search engine listings.

I usually don’t bother deleting spam comments any more if they have no more than two links. One type of comment spam does really annoy me though and always gets booted off. I am talking of course about Ugg Boots spam.

I don’t know why Ugg boots spammers piss me off so much, perhaps it’s the stupid name of the product. Or perhaps it is the stupid product that invites stupid people to part with large amounts of their hard earned to buy a pair of overprices wellies that are not even very waterproof simply because someone who gets paid to puff products said these boots were “kewl.”

The spam comment that holds the record for annoying me most however, although we haven’t seen much of them for a couple of years, are those that plug Emu oil.

Now this, fo the uninitiated, is a kind of linement like Tiger Balm. Emu oil is loved and venerated by those who think it’s big and clever to jump off mountains with planks tied to their feet. I know this because even as I type my daughter will be somewhere in the Alps, jumping off a mountain with a plank strapped to her feet. And no doubt she will be reeking of Emu oil. No wonder the girl can’t get a man.

Anyway whayt pisses me off about Emu oil spam is (a) because spam comments have links to hundreds of suppliers the manfactureres are behind the spamming. dnd (b) they people who make this stuuf are crooks and liars. I looked on a jar of the vile concoction once and it is made from herbal extracts and essential oils. There are no Emus in it. And there are no effing Tigers in Tiger Balm either.

This may please animal lovers but if I was to shell out for something called Emu oil I would feel cheated to learn there are no squashed Emus in it.

We live in a world full of deceptions.

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SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
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Spam-a-lot

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

Have you noticed how many spam comments we are getting these days. I often can’t be bothered deleting them. It does seem to be driving bloggers and commenters away from the blog communities however.

The culprit is Google. Despite a lot of pompous talk about how their last algorithm revamp favoured relevance, quality and new content over links I find (elsewhere, I gave up on this site for traffic long ago) that I do not need to add new content to my pages now. Just having RSS feeds in there to put something irrelevant but different on pages every day, and two or three new links to my articles etc. is enough to gain decent traffic.

Somebody said last week the web is not about freeing all the information in the world and making it available to everyone, it is about enslaving us all by making so much information available nobody can find out what’s really going on. Then once we are hooked, they sell us Ugg boots, penis enlargement cream and self help books.

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There Was Spam, Spam

A song schoolboys of my generation used to sing , The Quartermaster’s Store was learned from our Dads who had sung it as soldiers during World War 2. It had innumerable verses, all simple and easily remembered couplets. My favourite went:

There were fleas, fleas,
with kilts and hairy knees,
In the store, in the store.
There were fleas, fleas,
with kilts and hairy knees,
In the Quartermaster’s store.

CLICK HERE and scroll to 2nd song down for Shurdington Scouts version which is somewhat less scatological than the one I remember.

This silly song was brought to mind when we heard read of an army unit in Afghanistan that had had nothing but SPAM in the Quartermasters Store for several weeks after Taliban attacks on the supply routes stopped vital supplies getting through.

There was SPAM, SPAM,no beef or strawberry jam…

But an army marches on its stomach as Napoleon is reputed to have said and he’d know, the podgy little bastard. The SPAM diet is perhps not the best preparation for those who must go out and fight The Taliban.

Army chefs are among the best in the world however and the unit’s chief cook, Corporal Liam Francis did wonders with his limited resources. He served SPAM curry, SPAM casserole, Sweet and Sour SPAM, SPAM Carbonara, stir – fry SPAM in hoi – sin sauce with noodles, SPAM Stroganoff, even SPAM and Mushroom pie. Liam also told a Boggart Blog reporter he had offered to let the unit’s only female officer sample his SPAM in cider but she didn’t fancy it.

aLL TOGETHER NOW……

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

We hear fresh supplies have reached the camp now, much to the relief of the local Taliban squad who having admitted blowing up the food convoy found they were having the crap kicked out of them by soldiers denied a steak.

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More humour every day at Boggart Blog