OK So It’s Blue, Any Other Similarities?

The Bluebird DC50, a two-door sports car with horse power of up to 360bhp, will be unveiled at a special public event next month to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Donald Campbell’s land and speed water records.

It will be able to accelerate from 0 to 60mph in fewer than six seconds and drive up to 200mph on its battery, the manufacturer said.

Just 50 limited edition models are being made and they will only be available in trademark Bluebird blue, but owners can choose from three different levels of horse power ranging from 240bhp to 360bhp.

Prices have not yet been announced (I hmmmmm, wonder why) but the company said last month that it hoped to deliver the first finished models, complete with a built-in iPad interface and a bluetooth “floating dashboard”, by next spring. Well that’s a positive, you’ll be able to surf the web or watch the latest Hollywood blockbuster while you are sitting in the service station waiting for it to recharge on you way back from the supermarket.

Bluebird, new electric carTne new Bluebird – take a Ferrari and stick a ton of batteries in to weigh it down.

Can anyone explain why electric car makers are so keen to build 200mph sports cars that accelerate from 0 – 60 in three milliseconds when speed limits around the world tend to be between 70 and 80 mph. It is perhaps to divert attention from the lousy range of electric cars and the fact that where the back seat and boot traditionally go is full of nasty, polluting batteries that have a tendency to explode and incinerate the car and it’s occupants.

Thoroughbred electric cars can be engineered to accelerate quickly if they have a set of fully charged batteries. Like the beam from a torch powered by US batteries however, the brilliance gradually fades (i.e. the top speed will reduce as the charge diminishes) The Bluebird will be no different. It will have poor range and overtaken by skateboarders when it mears home after a trip to see your Dear Old Mum fifty miles away. Hybrid cars were developed as a scientists attempt to rescue to rescue yet another concept that looked good in theory but was next to useless in practical terms.

The world speed record for an electric vehicle was set in the late 19th century 137 mph and raised to 151 mph in 2012. hat has happened since? In between that, as speed records for internal combustion powered vehicles increased from 40 mph to 400+ mph while turbojet driven cars reached speed of over 700mph, electric vehicles made very good milk floats, road sweepers and mobility scooters for disabled people.

Donald Campbells 403mph Bluebird
Donald Campbell’s 403 mph Bluebird (1964) would get you all the way to the supermarket and back but would have been a bugger to park.

Says Who?

Driving home from Sheffield last night after an enjoyable evening watching Alan Davies, well worth the £25 if you get the chance to go along,however SezJez says she’s never felt so young since she took her Dad to see The Stranglers for his birthday a couple of years ago, I elected to go along the A61 as opposed to the cross country and much more fun B roads that I usually use. It’s donkeys years since I drove along that stretch of the 61 and the bastards have made it a 50 mph speed limit. Not only that, at seemingly every kink in the road they have put up “Maximum Speed 40 MPH” and at one point 35 MPH.

So there are all the goody two shoeses, driving along at 39 mph then slowing dramatically to 25 mph at every slight deviation from the straight and narrow. Of course when they get to the street-lit 30 mph zones they all speed up ro at least forty, I presume because they can see where they are going.

And I’m driving along, calm but frustrated because even the sharpest bend on this stretch can be taken, at worst, at a good fifty, 60+ in the Polo and probably well in excess of 70 in the GTi, without straying over the white line or ending up in a ditch.

So it made me wonder, was it just a knee-jerk reaction to a bad accident involving an uninsured, teenage drunk, driving a car too powerful for his limited capabilities and showing off to the gaggle of peers in the passenger seats?

Or did somebody, an 84 year old, flat cap wearing, pipe-smoking, short sighted grandpa perhaps, actually go out and drive along the road at gently increasing speed until they were either too scared to carry on, or they lost control and crashed, or thier nose started to bleed?

Either way, if there is a vacancy for a road test driver can I put myself up for it, I can even supply 3 very different vehicles to do the test in. C’mon that’s got to be worth £50 grand p.a. of any highways agency’s money.

The Greatest Love

Life In The fast Lane

The debate still rages over the excellent news that the Transport Minister Richard Hammond, er, no, sorry that should have been Phil Hammond, no relation of course, wants to raise the motorway speed limit to 80mph.

Whenever I travel on motorways it is obvious that at least half of the people are driving at roundabout 75 to 80 mph, with some daring to go a steady 90mph and the occasional boy racer or middle aged man in a flash car steaming, and that’s not just hubby, down the outside lane at well over a ton.

But the anti driving lobby will no doubt complain about the increased liklihood of accidents and deaths due to the increase in the speed limit.

Of course the obvious answer is that you don’t have to drive at 80mph if you don’t want to…… but you can at least get out of the outside lane as you tootle along at 69mph.

The other major problem at the moment is the sudden bottlenecks caused by all the people happily and safely bowling along at a decent clip suddenly slowing when they see a parked up police car.

Shock, Horror! Top Gear Presenter Sells Out.

Negotiating our way through the world has become like walking on quicksand, nothing is what it seems to be and what seems safe and solid can shift and reveal it is just an illusion in the wink of an eye.

Small wonder then that humans cling to certainties like religion, faith in the infallibility of science or for a certain type of British person the belief that Top Gear will always defend our right to drive politically incorrect cars.

We are foolish to rely on such things. As Benjamin Franklin said “A nation that would trade liberty for security deserves neither.

Perhaps we have become such a nation. Perhaps we were deluding ourselves in thinking we could rely on Top Gear to protect our right to put the needle in the red zone.

Even though the car I drive is only the sportiest variation of the Honda Accord my world was rocked this morning when I read this headline:

Hammond Praises High Seed Rail

The Hamster, the insane speed freak who straps himself to rockets and demands to be propelled into the wide blue yonder? Train?

Well yeah, OK, it is high speed train but even so it is not the same as riding a bomb is it?

Let’s hope Clarkson does something horrible to him. Like making him drive an electric car all next year.

Top Gear producer quit show over Chris Evans’ tyrannical behaviour

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Open Season On Cyclists

Best news from the coalition government so far is the announcement that speed cameras are to be scrapped.

“Why is this good news?” road safety fans will ask, “does Boggart Blog approve of the carnage on our roads?”

Well, if there was carnage on our roads we wouldn’t but British roads are the safest in Europe. Speed kills, the road safety whiners will whine, doing what people who claim they are logical and scientific always do and resorting to emotive and sentimental hand wringing when someone points out their statistics are made up. The truth is bad driving kills. Keep handing out driving licences to semi literate morons and people will continue to die. But what is responsible for more deaths on the road than bad driving is stupidity.

Speed does not kill. I have only had two accidents in a forty year driving career. My car was standing still and the cars that hit me were travelling well below the speed limit in each. I only remember fatsally having one accident serious enough to warrant an insurance claim and her car was stationary at the time. Statistical proof then that the slower you are going the more danger you are in.

What wound me up about this is an article on The Guardian website today by environmentalist George Monbiot, one of those cyclists who pedals around wearing a stupid helmet that make him look like a penguin that got stuck in reverse. George does not like speed which is OK because he lives in rural Wales where there is nowhere to go and fuck all to do when you get there.

Now I usually like George even when I disagree with him. He’s a stylish writer and presents his arguments well. Except when he starts going on about how unsafe cars are. Because cars are not unsafe, it’s all the other shit they let on the roads that is not safe.

Cyclists are not safe, they put on their reverse penguin helmets oblivious to the fact these items are fitted with an electronic chip that overrides their brain signals, switches off their self preservation instinct and makes them think they can carve up Range Rovers, White Vans and everything else and be safe because when a pedestrian or cyclist gets hurt it is always the car driver’s fault.

WRONG! The car drier may get a fine or a ban or a community service order but that is not going to restore the life of some imbecile who thought his moral superiority and love of the planet immunised him against the effects of being hit by a ton and a half of metal travelling at twenty five miles an hour.

And pedestrians, they are a bigger hazard to other road users than any car, even a souped up hot hatch driven by an underage joy rider. Why? Because pedestrians are imbeciles, that’s why. They are too stupid to be allowed anywhere near roads. If they had even minimal intelligence they would be driving cars.

Skateboarders. Who let them out on roads with no brakes or steeting controls? They should be locked up in padded cells with their skateboarders rammed up their arses. There’s a park in Accrington where if the skateboarders set off from the top end just as traffic lights change a few hundred yards away on the main road a string of them will explode from the park gates and shoot across the road just before the first car gets there. Unless of course the first car is a souped up hot hatch driven by an underage joyrider.

Not long ago the excellent Anna Raccoon featured a video some New Zealand suicide skateboarders (video and article) had made of themselves skateboarding down the motorway, swooping in and out of streams of traffic and acting like arseholes skateboarders. It was going viral on the web at the time so you can bet its only a matter of time before our arrested adolescent knobhead army are having a go. And whose fault will it be when one of the silly little fuckers gets mashed. The car driver’s of course.

George Monbiot cites the safety of children in his hand wringing whine against people who have lives to get on with. They always bring children into it, these people who claim they are so logical, so rational, so scientific.

They want science. OK, Darwinian evolution. We used to teach our kids road safety, the Green Gross Code Man, Darth Vader before he went over to the dark side, would remind kids to look both ways and make sure the road was clear and it was safe to cross. Politically Correct Thinking put a stop to than. Teaching kids to cross roads safely imposed the repressive rules of bourgeois society on the little darlings preventing their ability to express their creativity from developing freely. And anyway the Green Cross Code man looked like a paedophile.

Let’s put light controlled crossings everywhere, said the handwringers, and get drivers well wound up because kids press the button and then run off and traffic has to stop at the red light even though there is nobody waiting to cross.

Where there is no light to help them cross safely of course kids just run out into the road because nobody taught them any diffrent. So to protect the little darlings from their own stupidity we get speed limits an old lady on a mobility scooter would be in danger of breaking, exhaust wrecking bumps everywhere and kids who think nothing can ever harm them. Suddenly survival of the fittest does not work any more because the handwringers are protecting all the little arseholes who we really do not want contributing to the gene pool

Still, in the eyes of the politically correct thought police the only thing children need to know about road safety is, “If you get mashed it is always the car driver’s fault.”

If we are serious about road safety here’s what we need to do. Raise speed limits because I have proved the slower you go the more at risk you are, ban cyclists, pedestrians and people who obey speed limits because anyone who cannot think for themself should not be driving, abolish children, kill all skateboarders; not because I hate them or they are evil or dangerous people but because it’s to only humane thing to do.

George Monbiot – Evidence Of The War Involving Motorists

The Rectum Stretcher

Nothing from me today but a belly laugh from one of my American readers at gather.com

While she was “flying”down the road yesterday (20 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a highway patrolman with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The patrolman pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that
classic patronizing smirk we all know and hate, asked,

“What’s your hurry?”

She replied, “I’m late for work.”

“Oh yeah,” said the patrolman, “what do you do?”

“I’m a rectum stretcher ,” she responded.

The patrolman stammered, “A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”

“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”

“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?” the cop asked.

“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge.”

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Patrolman’s Face….PRICELESS

MORE humour every day from Boggart Blog

The Ladder of Expense

It is not often my town has news sensational enough to make the front page of Boggart Blog, but I feel this story will put us in the running for a Pulitzer Prize.
It concerns our old friends, The Health and Safety Executive. Not so long ago Accrington suffered a plague of Gatsos. Most of these were placed where a few mph over the limit would not endanger anybody, but where a downward gradient steepened sharply or where only the most dangerous and irresponsible drivers would be watching the needle instead of keeping their attention 100% on the very real hazards created by the council’s “traffic engineers.”
Thanks to the tireless campaingning of a group of motorists led by an intelligent and gifted man modesty forbids me from naming, the cameras were eventually removed and thousands of outstanding tickets dropped.


But anxious to avoid being seen as having admitted they were wrong, the authority bought a number of automatic speed indicators to warn motorists to slow down. The poles on which these were to be erected were installed, but as yet, no speed indicators. Why? Well thanks to the boneheaded regulations of the Health and Safety Executive the devices can only be installed on the oles by people who have been properly trained to climb ladders.

If there guys need to be trained to climb ladders how much chance is there of them installing delicate electronic devices properly.