Stupid Criminal Of The Week

We haven’t had a Stupid Criminal Of The Week for a long time, all these stories about war, international crises, regime change, aircraft going missing and such have kept us too busy.

Now however we have a change to bring you the tail of Marquis Jackson, 27, a bumbling burglar who got himself sprayed by a skunk while stealing items from a garden. Police responded to a 911 call from a man who reported two men stealing items from a neighbor’s backyard but when the patrol car arrived the burglars had apparently fled. Jackson’s accomplice had been seen jumping over fences and running through gardens and was quickly apprehended.

Initially it appeared Jackson had made a clean getaway, but the officers noticed a pungent stink coming from a garden shed which had been broken into. In choosing a hiding place Jackson had disturbed a skunk just awakened from hibernation under the garden shed and the animal was pissed off at having its space invaded. Skunks use their spray as a defense mechanism to ward off predators.

It is rare to encounter skunks in domestic gardens, they are shy creatures and avoid humanity. Though they shun gardens, skunks are rather conservative creatures too and thus are very big on lawn order which is probably why this one grassed up the thief.

skunk conservative

Stupid Criminal Of The Week Called The Cops While Planning Heist

It’s time to end the famine of Stupid Criminal Of The Week with a really wonderful story about a complete silly arse who called the cops and revealed plans for a robbery.

The Fresno police department in California are always happy when members of the public respond to requests for information and thus help to solve crimes. When a criminals’ themselves dial 911 and talk the cops through their plans, as you might imagine the boys in blue are ecstatic.

According to a May 21, report in Find Law, the assailant and accomplice were engaged in planning how to enter premises for the purposes of burglary when one of the men’s leaned on a wall while his cell phone was in his back pocket. The phone dialled 911 dispatch and the entire plan was recorded. Not only that, as the conversation indicated the silly arse was outside the place he planned to rob the cops were able to trace the phone’s location (you can do this at home)and apprehend the wannabe dickheads.

Nathan Teklemariam and Carson Rinehart, two 20-year-old men, were and charged with burglary, conspiracy and possession of stolen property.

The 911 dispatcher answered the and did not receive a response, but heard voices on the line. “I though it was just kids arseing about,” he told media.

In a second attempt to speak with the caller the dispatcher heard the men’s discussion about marijuana.

The emergency department’s recording shows the criminal’s cell phone call was connected to the 911 dispatch line for 35-minutes, giving the police plenty of time to saunter round and nick the villains.

Police Sergeant Jaime Rios stated that, “The 911 call was still open at the time of the arrests, and the officer took the phone and ended the call himself.”

original story and extracts from the recording at Examiner.com.

Stupid Criminal Of The Week: Cop was DUI while on duty

When it comes to stupid crime, the idea of an on duty police officer being pulled over for drunk driving definitely qualifies foe a Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award.
After driving on the wrong side of the road and recklessly weaving from lane to lane, South African cop Nkuleleko Mbanjwa stopped for no apparent reason and was pulled out of his vehicle by Russell George who alleged the man was drunk. The police officer had alcohol on his breath and witnesses suggested he had been drinking heavily.

While the South African incident has people shocked, it was the decision of civilian Russell George that makes everyone realize how lucky it was nobody was injured. The armed police officer was held by George with a citizen arrest and put into the back of the police vehicle while more police came. While Russell first called the police to assist, no officers came to the scene immediately and the citizen was concerned the alleged tipsy cop would have driven off and caused a serous accident.

Nkuleleko Mbanjwa apparently was celebrating his birthday and claimed he had only had one drink. This turned out to be true but the one drink was a litre bottle of spirits.

Not only is it alleged that he was driving recklessly there was another traffic incident reported too. He allegedly hit another vehicle prior to his arrest but fled the scene.

Fact check it isn’t this story I used several sources.

Stupid Criminal Of The Week: Eye, eye, eye, You’re nicked.

For anybody contemplating a career in petty crime distinguishing marks are a positive disadvantage. Harry Potter, with his zig zag scar, would be a lousy criminal. Goldie with his gold teeth likewise. Birthmarks likewise are a no – no. And anybody who made their living as a theief or mugger would have to be an idiot to get a facial tattoo you might think.

Tattoos are for some a way to express their personality and individuality. They say, “This is who I am.” They do not say, “It wasn’t me hossifer, I was nowhere near here.”

Anyone with any common sense would understand this. Which may lead you to certain conclusions about mugger Ronald Morris Walsh, a 35-year-old homeless man in Orlando, Florida, who was charged with assault for an attack on Milton McKnight on June 13.

Police say Walsh hit McKnight, a disabled man who suffers from cerebral palsy, shoved a cigarette down his throat and took his cash . As a fixture in downtown Orlando for more than 20 years, McKnight is known as an unofficial ambassador who’s sold sodas with an upbeat attitude to pedestrians, according to WHP-TV.

Police said Walsh was fairly easy to identify thanks to the third eye tattoo on his forehead.

eye-eye-eye
Eye, eye, eye, We’d like to ‘ave a word down at the station my lad

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Stupid Criminal Of The Week: Eye, eye, eye, You’re nicked.

For anybody contemplating a career in petty crime distinguishing marks are a positive disadvantage. Harry Potter, with his zig zag scar, would be a lousy criminal. Goldie with his gold teeth likewise. Birthmarks likewise are a no – no. And anybody who made their living as a theief or mugger would have to be an idiot to get a facial tattoo you might think.

Tattoos are for some a way to express their personality and individuality. They say, “This is who I am.” They do not say, “It wasn’t me hossifer, I was nowhere near here.”

Anyone with any common sense would understand this. Which may lead you to certain conclusions about mugger Ronald Morris Walsh, a 35-year-old homeless man in Orlando, Florida, who was charged with assault for an attack on Milton McKnight on June 13.

Police say Walsh hit McKnight, a disabled man who suffers from cerebral palsy, shoved a cigarette down his throat and took his cash . As a fixture in downtown Orlando for more than 20 years, McKnight is known as an unofficial ambassador who’s sold sodas with an upbeat attitude to pedestrians, according to WHP-TV.

Police said Walsh was fairly easy to identify thanks to the third eye tattoo on his forehead.

eye-eye-eye
Eye, eye, eye, We’d like to ‘ave a word down at the station my lad

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Stupid Criminal Of The Week Needs Help With Thinking Skills Says Lawyer

Michael Ruse’s solicitor says his client “needs help with regards to thinking skills.”

He had good reason to say so.

The 21-year-old was convicted of assault this week after he celebrated getting away with the crime by boasting about it on his Facebook page, the Daily Telegraph reported.

Ruse, of Leigh Park, was on trial for attacking his friend’s father with a baseball bat and a baton. Reports say Ruse thought he was off the hook as police had not been in touch so flushed with stupidity success he shared his experience with the world via Facebook.

After describing the crime, “I done the bloke over with a baseball bat,” he wrote “Yeah I think I get [sic] away with it tbh [to be honest] x,” according to the Daily Mail.

Six people “liked” the update, but one so-called friend saw the statement and printed out the text as evidence for prosecutors, in effect forcing Ruse to change his plea from not guilty to guilty.

Judge Ian Pearson was unsympathetic to Ruse’s reckless status update.

“You pleaded guilty part way through the trial only really because you were stupid enough to put on Facebook what amounted to a full confession,” Pearson said. Seems about par for the course with your averasge facebook user.

Stories of people bragging about their crimes on Facebook are coming up frequently. Is social nmetworking becoming a force for law and order we wonder, of are Facebook users just getting thicker.

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Another Stupid Criminal:

We normally do not award more than one stupid criminal of the week accolade but this was too goo to miss.

Dylan Edward Contreras. 19, was arrested for providing false information about his identity after an encounter with Twin Falls police.

Having ben pulled over for a traffic offence Contreras tried to escape a fine by giving a false identity. Unfortunately for him an observant oficer noticed he had his real name tattooed on his arm.

He was arrested and a computer check revealed outstanding arrest warants for three different offences.

Stupid Criminal Of The Week: Bikini Robbers

It should have been the sexiest heist ever. Instead, a bikini robbery worth $200,000 turned into a farce.

At about 5:30am Sunday morning, police in Tustin, a suburb of Los Angeles noticed a suspicious white van outside a warehouse and saw that the warehouse fence had been cut open.

Eight hoodlums in their mid-20s and 30s had cut gaping holes in the warehouse front doors and threw as many designer label bikinis as they could into plasyic bin bags.

Two of the gand had stayed outside as lookouts in a separate vehicle but they fell asleep and did not notice police squad cars arriving with sirens off.

After noticing the police presence the robbers dumped the loot, jumped back in the van and took off on the 405 freeway. When the police gave chase the robbers reportedly jumped out of the moving vehicle and ran off on foot in an attempt to escape. Against a highly tuned police car on an interstate freeway even Usian Bolt would not have stood a chance.

Not surprisingly, the six dicks were all arrested and hauled back to where the sleepyhead lookouts were waiting, already cuffed.

A lawyer acting for the gang said they were not very experienced at robbery and the theft had been the idea of the gang’s two female members, Guillermina Ventura-Moran, (33) and Norma Yaneli Sanchez, (26). The crime had been planned while all the gang members were attending a pool party the previous night.

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Stupid Criminal Of The Week – Before Robbing An Internet Cafe, Log Out

We hear a lot about high tech crime and espoecially internet fraud. So deeply have the internet become embedded in our way of life in fact that even the stupid criminals are migrating to cyberspace – sort of.

Two wannabe burglars in Calima, Colombia, decided to cut their criminal teeth by robbing an internet cafe. The two aspiring criminals robbed an Internet cafe at gunpoint recently and proceeded to make a clean getaway on a motorcycle, according to MSNBC.

It should have been the perfect crime had one of them not forgotten to log out of the Facebook account he’d checked at the cafe before attempting the robbery. As you might expect, the police got his address, drove to the criminal’s home and took the suspect to jail.

The rise of Facebook seems to have coincided with an increased number of reports of really stupid criminals. In December 2011 Isiah Cutler was accused of robbing a supermarket in Pittsburgh with three other teenagers. Isiah and his mates might have got away with it too but he decided to posts pictures on his Facebook page showing the gang with some of the loot.

Last month, Michael Baker of Jenkins, Kentucky was arrested for siphoning fuel from a police car. Stupid enough in itself to warrant a Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award but he compunded his stupidity by posting a picture of himself committing the crime on Facebook.

No wonder stock market pundits are suggesting Mark Zuckerberg market the internet social network as an online cfrime fighting service to help recover from the disastrous stock market launch.

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NewsFlash! Stupid Criminal Of The Week

Sex crime is not something we ever intended to joke about but there’s an exception to every rule.

This week’s Stupid Criminal Of The Week award goes to a flasher. Now I don’t want to belittle the nature of this crime because it is normally associated with sad, lonely old men in long Macs and no trousers; a shy and sensitive person who gets an eyeful of what is being flashed can be quite shocked and even traumatised. After all the aim of the flasher is to scare prople by exposing to them bits of the atatomy that are not normally seen.

So WTF was going on in the mind of the Philadelphia flasher who ran into a shop in the city and flung open his coat to reveal he was wearing a trakkie top and running shoes but no strides? Because the shop was a bookstore for THE BLIND!

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